Transcript
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Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.
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I'm randy.
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I'm And I'm Jess.
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And we are two licensed psychotherapists, and this is a safe space where we talk about mental health, well being, and strategies for coping with life's challenges.
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And how all of this is normal, and you are not alone.
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Today we're diving into a skill that doesn't get talked about enough, but can be a game changer in social, professional, and even personal situations.
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The art of flipping the script, or how to change the subjects with grace and confidence.
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So when we talk about flipping the script, it's about preserving your mental health and respecting other people.
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It's a powerful tool in your communication toolbox that allows you to navigate conversations with finesse while safeguarding your emotional and mental well being.
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So if you can learn to embrace this skill.
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You're gonna watch your interpersonal relationships, whether it's at home or, with people at work, your mental health needs are going to be successful.
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Find us and more information on womensmentalhealthpodcast.
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com.
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We're going to jump into our have you ever had these thoughts.
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What does flipping the script mean in a conversation?
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Why is it important to change the subject gracefully?
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How can I change the subject without offending the other person?
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And this is huge.
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What are some signs that I should change the conversation topic?
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Are there examples or phrases to use when flipping the script?
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And honestly, as therapists, we have them.
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Yes.
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What if someone keeps bringing the conversation back to the uncomfortable topic or something you don't want to talk about?
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How can flipping the script be beneficial in the professional setting?
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Are there any situations where it's better not to change the subject?
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How can I practice the skill of flipping the script?
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And what should I do if my attempts to change the subject fail?
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Ooh, that's a good one.
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So first, let's talk about what does flipping the script actually
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So flipping the script is essentially the art of redirecting a conversation or sometimes diffusing a conversation.
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It's about knowing when and how to change the subject in a way that feels natural and respectful.
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This skill, it is not gaslighting.
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It is.
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It is none of those.
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negative kind of connotation.
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You're not trying to
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control the narrative.
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Correct.
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You're just trying to, maybe, gently move from something that is negative.
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It's maybe the person can't read the room or, they're going into a territory that's triggering for you or something else.
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So it's redirecting.
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Exactly.
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And this is a skill that's useful when that conversation starts to feel uncomfortable or invasive or unproductive, whether it's steering away from gossip or deflecting unwanted personal questions.
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Because people do that.
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And you're like
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yeah, what do I say?
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How do I react?
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Yeah,
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exactly.
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Or shifting the focus in a heated discussion.
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Flipping the script is going to allow you to, control of the narrative in a sense, but it's going to actually allow you to diffuse it.
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So you are not going to have to go down somebody else's path or a path that may not be very comfortable or easy.
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It could be dangerous for you.
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This topic came up because somebody was telling me they had gotten home late, they were in an Uber at I don't know, midnight, and somebody was talking and then all of a sudden they said some really uncomfortable things and they were like, Oh, here I am by myself with this dude.
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And they were like, I don't know what to do.
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And I was like, okay, that's when you have to diffuse it or change it or shift it back.
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You got to flip the narrative or flip the script on that one.
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And that way it goes back to being comfortable.
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And this saying comes from storytelling and film.
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filmmaking where flipping the script refers to a sudden change in the direction or perspective of the story.
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So in conversations, it's like hitting the refresh button or like the do over button.
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I like that you're rewriting the narrative in real time, you're guiding the dialogue in a way that feels more aligned with your needs or values, or a more positive flow.
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It's like imagining you're at, the dinner table with a relative that asked that uncomfortable question of, so have you finally got a job?
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Yeah.
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And you're just like, or do
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you finally have a boyfriend?
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Why aren't you married?
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Why aren't you
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married?
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Where are your kids?
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Do you own a house?
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And you're just like these are uncomfortable.
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So as women, it affects us because we often feel the need to be polite, Say nice things, avoid conflict.
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Even if we endure uncomfortable conversations, we're expected to do that for the sake of harmony, peacemaking, which is bullshit.
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Yeah, I'm rolling my eyes because when you do that, you're just taking that on and that can lead to stress that can lead to resentment that can lead to feelings like you don't have a voice and that you're oppressed in certain situations.
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And when you learn how to flip the script, it really empowers you to set boundaries with it.
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out confrontation because usually if you're having a hard time with this already, you're not like wanting to jump right into the deep end of the pool of confrontation with somebody.
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So this really helps you protect yourself and your bubble and your mental and emotional well being.
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Exactly.
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And this is going to help you with your confidence when you do have an awkward conversation.
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If you have the tools to gracefully redirect a conversation, it can make you feel like you're more in control of yourself, not everybody else, but of yourself, whether, again, you're at a family gathering, a work meeting, or you're on that weird, awkward date that somebody's asking you stuff and you're just like how do I answer this?
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How can we all embrace this skill and make it part of our everyday lives?
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Let's break it down.
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First, we have to practice the art of redirection.
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We need to use phrases such as, Oh, that's interesting, but have you ever thought about blank?
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Or, I was just thinking about.
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And that can go ahead and transition the conversation away from whatever they're talking about.
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Another way is to acknowledge and then redirect.
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So you could say, I hear you, but I'm curious what you think about this and lead into a different answer.
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topic, so you can be like, I still want to know your thoughts, but let's talk about thoughts about this that are good thoughts.
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Well, it's not even that I want to hear, I want to hear your thoughts is I hear what you're saying, however, and then you can change the subject, right?
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The otherwise is normalizing.
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your boundary setting.
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You know us in boundaries.
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We love our boundaries boundaries.
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In fact, we have a friend who has Randy going boundaries, bitch, as her ringtone, which I think is hilarious.
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Okay, so it is okay to say no.
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I know we haven't said that in a long time, but it is okay to say no if you are uncomfortable something.
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It's not rude to say, I'm not sure I don't want to talk about that.
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No is a complete sentence.
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I know.
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And that's, look at me, I couldn't even do it.
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I know.
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She's like cringing over there.
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And I'm like, why are you cringing?
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I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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One of the things I do a lot of times, I also say, why do you ask?
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And then if somebody says it, redirects it back on them.
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So it puts a spotlight, they're trying to maybe spotlight you or make you feel uncomfortable and you're putting that back on them.
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Why do you ask?
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And if they tell me, I was just wondering, okay, cool.
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And then I move on with the conversation.
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So I've never answered them.
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And they could ask again, I could like, Hmm, then that's when I'm like, well, I'm not sure I want to answer that.
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I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that or that's not something I really want to talk about right now, if you want to be direct.
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It is okay that we don't have to respond to everything.
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I know we feel as women we have to answer to everything.
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But silence or redirection is a healthy choice.
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Yeah, and I also feel like silence can be an answer too.
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Oh, not
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saying something is still saying something.
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Yeah, Another step is to show support for others that are practicing flipping the script.
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So how do we do that?
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Mm hmm Validate their choices, if someone is changing the subject respect their shift and sometimes Randy will do something and I'm like I hear what you're saying, and I appreciate your boundary Because I'm like, I see what you're doing, I like it, and I got it.
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also too, when you practice this yourself, it encourages others to do the same without fear or judgment.
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And Jess and I are also like, okay, when we hear your boundary, we see it, okay, that's good.
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And I need to do that too.
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I'm not doing this right now.
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It's a good reminder.
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Yeah.
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When you practice it, other people see it.
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And that inspires them to do it,
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especially if you're going to practice it in what I would call like a low pressure situation where you can practice this.
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So that way, the more we do it, when we do get that marathon of, Oh crap, I have to redirect this.
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Yeah.
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When you are in a super stressful situation or with somebody, that is going to antagonize you.
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It just feels more comfortable because it rolls off your tongue and it's been practiced.
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Let's go through some scenarios here.
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Cause basically.
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People like when we actually banter back and forth.
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Yeah, and
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role play.
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What could happen?
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So okay, let's say that there is some gossip going around.
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So if someone is gossiping, you can say, I'm not sure about that.
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But speaking of work, did you see that new project?
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Oh, I like that.
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So instead
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of like the water cooler talk, maybe like a redirect that you're not gonna engage in that gossip about the other person.
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Yeah.
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Or you can say, I haven't heard that.
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Hmm.
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Let's go to lunch.
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Another is when, oh, my favorite unsolicited advice.
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My God.
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Do you know how many people I get giving me advice as a woman who does woodworking?
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Like seriously, somebody the other day was telling me.
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Really?
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Make it stop.
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They were telling me that, well, you put your hair up, right?
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Because you would hate to get your hair caught in a machine.
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Motherfuckers, have you not seen me do, I, I post videos and my hair is a hot mess and top of my head.
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I cut the little, I wear hoodies, but I cut the little strings because I don't need those going into the woodworking machines and strangling myself.
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Anyway, that's my, I'll go back to my, okay, anyway, let's go back.
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When somebody offers unsolicited advice.
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Try.
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Thanks for the input.
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I'll think about it.
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By the way, have you tried the new coffee shop?
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sometimes I will.
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I'll be like, okay, cool.
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Thanks.
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And then, I'll think about it or I'll give it a try and I move on because I'm like, whatever they're trying to help, but I don't want to encourage it by ooh, tell me more because I don't want to hear more.
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Yeah, and I had to learn this very quickly, having a larger social media following.
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that people were going to try to tell me, things or say things on my video about my life.
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I had to be like, okay thanks.
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And I'll take that in consideration.
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Or Yeah, maybe I'll try that.
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And I just, Left it at that.
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Let them just let them be, let them do their thing.
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My personal favorite was the one that got mad at you because you were talking about savings and you had your car in your ring and you're like, how do you think I got this by getting my savings?
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My God.
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All right, let's do scenario number three.
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Let's do personal questions.
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Ready?
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Okay.
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So if someone asks something that's too personal, you can say, Oh, that's a long story, but tell me, how's your new job going?
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Or how's your new hobby going?
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Or how's your new relationship?
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Yeah, that's where you go, Ooh, that's complicated.
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And then you just move on.
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Yeah, I don't have time to go into that right now.
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But thanks for asking.
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No, don't even say thanks.
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Don't even say thanks for asking, because then they're going to ask again.
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And Right?
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this is another boundary that you're going to put up so you can still say things like, well, why do you ask?
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Again, that's that, why do you ask?
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Redirect.
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Yeah.
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Hmm.
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That's interesting.
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Okay, so let's go through and do our have you ever thoughts.
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Randy, what does flipping the script mean in a conversation?
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It refers to the skill of changing the direction of a discussion or topic of conversation tactfully and smoothly.
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This can help steer conversations away from triggers or uncomfortable subjects and towards more positive or neutral ground.
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Jess, why do you think it's important to change the subject with tact and gracefully?
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If we can do it gracefully, it helps maintain really healthy boundaries and positive interactions.
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When we become negative, it just makes it feel awkward and everybody gets weird and they think there's this bad thing behind it.
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It really just allows you to protect your mental space without seeming rude or disinterested.
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It's going to help your relationships.
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Because these are going to be about mutual respect and understanding again.
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Let's go back to, the political divide.
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I don't need to know what side you're on.
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You don't need to know what side I am.
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And, I've even been there.
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My, my daughter actually called me out in the car.
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I don't know if I've said this before.
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We're with a friend of hers there in the car.
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And I was like, so what does that flag at your house mean?
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And I didn't know, but my daughter goes, Mom, you're not allowed to ask that stuff anymore.
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You've been put in time out.
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I
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got put in, I was like, you are probably right.
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I'm going to not ask that question.
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Well, I got into a huge thing with my sister.
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She will not discuss politics with me.
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And I'm like, you are a woman and you should do this and you should.
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And I was like, whatever.
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Let them.
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I was like, okay, you.
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But she put a boundary up with you.
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She did.
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And you didn't like it.
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I did not like it.
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I was like, I'm your big sister and we don't have, you can't tell me no.
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But she told you no, but the way she did it, she could have done it with more grace that says, that's not something I'm comfortable talking about with you.
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I think she was just blunt and says, I'm not telling you.
