Breaking the Wall of Silence
In our pursuit of building stronger relationships and improving our mental wellbeing, it's crucial to dissect and understand the challenges that often lurk beneath the surface, and one such considerable hurdle is 'stonewalling'.
Unfolding the Enigma of Stonewalling
'Stonewalling' is a communication behavior where one person in a relationship declines to engage in or participate in a conversation, especially during conflictual or difficult discussions. It's like trying to have a conversation with a wall, eliciting feelings of frustration and hurt. Recognizable signs of stonewalling often include avoidance of eye contact, emotional shutdown, or even their deliberate distraction via phones or social media.
Roots of the Unseen Wall
At its core, stonewalling is a form of self-preservation, stemming from our primal instincts to protect ourselves from potential emotional harm or distress. It's a defense mechanism triggered by a range of emotions—fear, vulnerability, anxiety, a sense of overwhelm, or even feeling out of control.
But we must remember that what once was a survival mechanism could now prove to be highly detrimental to our relationships and mental health.
Stonewalling in Relationships: A Form of Abuse?
Yes, certainly. Stonewalling is indeed considered a form of emotional abuse. By dissociating from the situation, disconnecting emotionally, or outright ignoring the partner, it leads to unhealthy communication and toxic behavior.
This term was popularized by a well-known couples therapist, Dr. John Gottman, who mentioned 'stonewalling' as one of the 'four horsemen'—behavioral predictors of divorce or breakup, along with criticism, defensiveness, and contempt. The analogy, though linked with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse from Christian religion, doesn't hold Christian-based theory; instead, it depicts the potential of these behaviors to devastate a relationship.
Stonewalling in Relationships: The Impact on Women
As women, we often place a high value on emotional connection and effective communication in our relationships. Consequently, when we are met with stonewalling, it triggers feelings of rejection, emotional pain, or even heightened anxiety, which can further lead to increased depression and self-doubt.
Especially for those with ADHD or rejection-sensitivity dysphoria, stonewalling can be a significant trigger. It leaves us feeling ignored, dismissed, and questioning our worth. This ongoing exposure to such toxic behavior can erode our self-esteem and confidence, and, as resilient women, this is something we cannot afford to let happen.
Navigating through Stonewalling
So, how does one navigate through this barrier of stonewalling? Firstly, remember that you're not alone in this; many of us are grappling with similar issues. The initial step is recognizing when stonewalling is happening.
Understanding and overcoming stonewalling isn't a quick process, but by gradually implementing healthy communication techniques, discussing the issue candidly with your partner, and actively working towards replacing stonewalling with more constructive interaction styles, we can steer our relationships toward a more empathetic and understanding path.
And remember, should you ever feel that professional counseling would be helpful in dealing with stonewalling and its impact on mental wellbeing, don't hesitate to seek it. You have an empowerment journey to embark on, and let nothing stand in your way.
Your mental health matters; let's break the stigma and always strive toward nurturing our emotional balance and resilience as we continue to navigate through our unique journeys.
