Digital Well Being for Adults

EP30 Digital Well Being Adults

[00:00:00] Randi: 1, 2, 3, 4. Hi friends. It's Randy and Jess, and we're gonna cut the 

[00:00:07] Jess: bullshit and let's get into women's mental health.

[00:00:13] Randi: Welcome to the podcast unapologetically All over the place with Randy and Jess, where we talk about women's mental health issues and how it's all normal. This 

[00:00:21] Jess: episode is part of our self-care series that we'll be exploring throughout 2020. In this 

[00:00:26] Randi: episode, we're going to explore digital wellbeing. You guys may have heard of this also called as like a social media detox.

[00:00:34] Jess: Yep. We're gonna provide some tips and tricks and we're gonna help you better have balance. I can't talk today. We're gonna help you have better balance , so that way basically what you're not on your phone all the time. Yeah. 

[00:00:45] Randi: So we're gonna give you helpful tools and teach you kind of how to not. Addicted to your phone or computer all the time.

What? 

[00:00:54] Jess: No. No. Okay. So have you ever thought, 

[00:00:59] Randi: where the hell did all of my time go? Oh crap, I 

[00:01:02] Jess: fell down the reels or TikTok rabbit hole. Oh, that happens 

[00:01:05] Randi: all the time. I feel like I am always glued to my 

[00:01:09] Jess: electronics. Am I studying good example for my family or kids? 

[00:01:13] Randi: How do I manage my. How do I manage my A 

[00:01:19] Jess: D H D.

[00:01:19] Randi: Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's the not one I . 

[00:01:25] Jess: Should we just do the whole thing over? Hold on, let me just stop 

[00:01:27] Randi: recording. No, it's fine. Okay. No, it's fine. Okay. My spouse is always complaining that I'm on the phone way too 

[00:01:33] Jess: much. Right. So how is it like me with my a d mm-hmm. , I have to do something else while I watch tv.

Right? Right. And normally I'm on my. 

[00:01:42] Randi: Right, because, so I would play like a game on my phone. Right. Uhhuh . 

[00:01:46] Jess: And then he is like, you are not even paying attention. Right. So I've started doing our coloring books. Yes. Because I can color and he can't yell at me for not yell. He doesn't yell. Uhhuh . But he can't give me crap for being on the phone.

[00:01:57] Randi: Right. Because he sees that as something productive. But actually that's very soothing. Right? Yes. You found that to be very self soothing, to do the color. While you're watching a tv, so you are kind of more present? Yes, in the situation because I find too, like if I'm on my phone playing a game while I'm doing another activity, there's all sorts of notifications and popups and things that can lead me down another hole that I'm gonna go down to and get distracted in.

So actually like removing myself from my phone. , you know, helps if I need to be doing two things at once because of my D h D symptoms. 

[00:02:32] Jess: Yeah. It, it, it's hard to explain to people who are not A D H D mm-hmm. , right? They, they don't get it. They can actually watch TV for like, an entire movie and sit still 

[00:02:41] Randi: Right.

And be fully engrossed and not have a conversation over it. Like, oh my gosh, my husband cannot stand because my daughter and I are both ADHD and we have a full conversation. The characters, if it's based off a book, like what's happening, what we think's gonna happen. And he is like, will the two of you stop talking?

And we're like, no. And he's, he's like, I am watching a movie. Yeah. And we're like, we're watching it too, but like we have this whole side, you know, storyline going on in the background. And he's like, that is so annoying. Right. So what really is digital wellbeing and where did it come from? So 

[00:03:17] Jess: if you kind of look up digital wellbeing right.

You start looking at it. Mm-hmm. , I thought there would be so much more out there. Cause there's, there's not on our, yeah. On our social media. Um, but this was initiative that Google put into place back in like 2018 to try to help us track our apps and how much we're on it. Mm-hmm. . Right? And it's not like, you know, some spy service or anything like that, but they're just trying to.

Us have better balance. 

[00:03:42] Randi: So it's another app we need on our phones. Right. It's another way to track stuff. . Right. 

[00:03:47] Jess: So that's why I was laughing. Right, right. So, so basically this is a movement, um, that we are seeing more this year. Like I have a lot more people talking about it with me. Mm-hmm. . Um, where they need to have a better balance between their lives and electronics.

Right. 

[00:04:00] Randi: Right. And we can separate our lives from our electronics contrary to what we feel we feel because we have learned, even us, like I didn't get a cell phone until I was. 18 and y and it 

[00:04:17] Jess: was still that, but that's way different. 

[00:04:18] Randi: New Kia beep, beep beep. It wasn't, uh, it wasn't a smartphone, you know, and so it was easy to separate it.

Uh, but I'm still addicted to my phone now even, and I can't even imagine. You know what? My kids, because they've had it since, at the beginning of time, right? So, 

[00:04:34] Jess: oh, yeah, totally. But, but part of it is, is learning to use social media consciously, right? Mm-hmm. . So there's reasons why we talk about, it's bad for us, right?

Mm-hmm. , some people are like, so anti-social media, anti-tech. Some people are so intuit and engrossed in it, right? Right. So, so why is technology, why is it bad? I'm gonna, I'm air quoting bad for us. Why 

[00:04:56] Randi: can it be bad for us? Well, it creates really an unhealthy alignment. Ourselves and values at time. If, like you said, if we're not being conscious and bringing that to the forefront, it can be very dissociative, which is kind of like when you kind of become like numb to things like around you and it's really been linked to a number of negative side effects.

iCLU, including increasing A D H D symptoms. 

[00:05:22] Jess: Yeah. You know, you're right. If you're on. If you're on too long, it's like your A D H D can just, 

[00:05:29] Randi: well, and two, when your A D H D, having that constant stimulation can be very self soothing, but then we're not paying attention to the things that are happening in our body and around us.

Mm-hmm. and. . And so we're not present in that and we're kind of learning to ignore maybe signs or things that we should be paying attention to, you know? And that can be detrimental to our mental health, our emotional health, our social, you know, and emotional intelligence. 

[00:05:58] Jess: Ooh, let's break that down. I don't think enough people know what emotional and social intelligence is.

Okay, so explain that. So emotional inte. Is is basically, do you know how to manage your emotions? Mm-hmm. , right? Are you aware of what you're feeling? Can you see that in other people? Mm-hmm. people who have higher emotional intelligence, right? Mm-hmm. , they have a better idea of actually like what's going on in the room.

Right. 

[00:06:24] Randi: And more, um, empathy in a way. Yeah. Would you 

[00:06:27] Jess: say? I would say more 

[00:06:28] Randi: empathy, more or self-awareness within themselves. Yes. And so then when you're more self-aware of your own emotions, you can. oftentimes see that in others a little bit 

[00:06:38] Jess: clearer. Right. People who don't have good social or emotional intelligence are the ones that put their crap on other people.

Mm-hmm. , they're totally unaware that it's their shit and they're just projecting it. Or like I said, they're handing the basketball of crap over to somebody else to hold. Right, right. The other thing in social intelligence is also the, the being aware of what's going on, what's in the room, what steps up.

Mm. 

[00:07:01] Randi: Okay, so another thing why tech can be bad for your overall mental health is it can cause social isolation. Oh yeah. We feel like we talked about this in episode. Fomo. Let's see. FOMO was episode 12. Okay, so we talked about this in episode 12. FOMO versus jomo, which is the fear of missing out versus the joy.

Joy of missing out, but with technology. And, uh, phone addiction, we can isolate ourselves socially because we can see this highlight reel of things happening and we feel like we're missing out. And then we kind of go down this spiral of thinking like, why am I not there? Why can't I afford this? Why can't I do this?

And so that's a side effect of being, you know, on your phone too much or your computer too much, or checking your emails too much, or, you know, checking your highlight reel of Instagram too much, you know? And so, overall, that can create issues within relationships that, you know, your self-love and things like that.

So, you know, that's something that can really be impaired. Well, 

[00:08:09] Jess: it's the, the filter versus reality. Mm-hmm. . Right? It's, it's looking at somebody's house that's perfect. Not realizing that all of their shit is behind them. Right. And the reason that little corner is perfect because is because they made it perfect.

[00:08:23] Randi: Right. Cuz they only. The wide angle of the corner. Mm-hmm. not the whole house, you know, and like I show that on my social media is that you guys will see a lot of pretty pictures, but I also show in the background, I showed all my crap in the closet before I shot that picture, you know? And like laundry's everywhere.

So it's like, don't think that you are alone in this. And it causes a big issue too with body dysmorphia. Yes. We think that this person we see in magazine or on a blog post or on Instagram or on Pinterest, like they have this picture perfect body or whatever, and it's like you don't know if. They used a filter.

You don't know if they used Photoshop. You don't know what tanning spray they have on if their body is contoured. I mean, these are a million 

[00:09:08] Jess: things. Oh, it's even the way we can sit, right? I mean, the way sit, you can sit a certain way. Mm-hmm. , and you're like, okay, I'm not gonna breathe here. It makes you look.

Thinner and Right. And you can angle yourself a certain way and you can watch videos on how to do that. Yep. And it makes you look longer or thinner or Yeah. You know, whatever. It 

[00:09:26] Randi: depends on the camera angle and it's like you can't compete with that. It's funny too, cuz I was just talking to my, the girl that does my nails about this cuz she was like, people bring in these pictures of these nails that they want me to do.

And she's like, I will not be able to reproduce that because that's like a p. Image or like they've hand painted it on, not a real person's hand. And it's like, you know, nails are different shapes, different bumps, different thi it's not gonna look right, you know, a hundred percent perfect. I mean, it's just something even still tiny like that, like a nail design that has, you know, been totally blown out of proportion.

But like, what is a huge, huge, huge side effect of. Being addicted to technology, physical, physical side effects that affects most of us. 

[00:10:13] Jess: Well, so we're gonna start with the impaired brain development. Mm-hmm. , I mean, we're not just talking about our kids. Right. Right. And I mean, kids, our brain doesn't stop developing until we're 25.

Right, right. So even your teens and your older adult, right? Mm-hmm. . But it is, it's also disrupting our sleep. Yep. And that is the biggest piece, is that we are watching TikTok until two in the morning because we went. TikTok 

[00:10:36] Randi: rabbit hole. Right. And it doesn't allow you to turn off. Yes. And also like the lights on your phone or, you 

[00:10:43] Jess: know, all that EMF stuff that they have out there about 

[00:10:45] Randi: that.

Yeah. So the electronic magnetic field, I don't even know about that. If you are into that, please write us and let us know Some, you know, tips and tricks about that. But, you know, disrupting your sleep, disrupting brain development and then it. You know, uh, increased weight, yes. Because you're sitting, you're not moving as much, and so you're, you're, you're not exercising, your body's not moving, you know, as much.

And we already are a very, you know, sedentary society because a lot of us, you know, work in front of a computer. And so it's like, and then we're on our phone on top of our computer or our laptop, and so this creates vascular problems, which. I am having right now. 

[00:11:25] Jess: Same. Same. Well that's also from being me being overweight, but yeah.

Mm-hmm. . So it's, and my, uh, my doctor was like, so what do you do? I was like, I'm a therapist, right. He goes, so you sit all day? I said, I sit all day. I move once every 55 minutes. Mm-hmm. . And he was like, oh, I really want you to get up more. And I'm like, yeah, okay. I can try to get up in the middle of a session.

It's kind of awkward, but okay. 

[00:11:48] Randi: Right. You know, and well, that's why I bought a standing desk and just loves my standing desk desk too. And so I do, we'll link it on our website, uh, randy unjust podcast.com because it has helped me so much because I have been getting issues where my feet were turning almost black and blue because, um, I'm not getting as much circulation in my.

Because I'm not moving as much. I also had to get like a little desk cycle and stuff. A lot of people walk while they work with like a desk treadmill and stuff like that. 

[00:12:16] Jess: God, I would love to be able to see if I could do therapy online and do telehealth and like ride my bike at the same time. Right? Like, oh my gosh.

[00:12:25] Randi: No . 

[00:12:26] Jess: I mean, if we could like put it all together, 

[00:12:28] Randi: I just seeing like a huge hot mess, like falling off. Oh, fall the bike into, oh God, yeah. Into the computer screen and, oh yeah. I'm 

[00:12:35] Jess: laughing right now. Oh, no, no. I, I'm not gonna do that though. I won't do that, but, 

[00:12:39] Randi: so what would a digital detox look 

[00:12:41] Jess: like? ? Oh dear God, no.

Okay. So. A digital detox is taking away all of your electronics, right? I mean, I'm just looking on me right now. I'd have to get rid of my phone, my watch, my computer, and I mean, I don't mean to get rid of Oh yeah. My, my things that I work our podcast equipment, our podcast equipment, right? Uh, so a digital detox is what a lot of people are doing.

Or they'll take a day or a weekend and they'll just dis. 

[00:13:09] Randi: So intentionally and consciously reducing your time using electronic devices. So smartphones, computers, tablets. Watches. Watches, yeah. Smart watches. Yes, like everything. So it's the idea of disconnecting. Intentionally from the online world, from of everything from the interwebs, the www 

[00:13:32] Jess: your text messages that you get all the time, all your notifications 

[00:13:36] Randi: to focus on the present and what matters.

Yeah. With no distractions. Like when's the last time, honestly, you've done that. Look it up. I, I wish I could show her. Oh my God. Her face right now. Cause she is. Oh, holy bleep. Like, I do not 

[00:13:51] Jess: know. I don't know. I was thinking if I take my paddle board out, but guess what? I put all my little GoPro on my paddle board and I pat around with my GoPro

So you can, but yeah. Yeah, so I can videotape my, my, 

[00:14:01] Randi: my right. And then adventure. I mean, I do that because I literally vlog my, you know, everything in my life and I don't know how to turn it off, you know? So, But there's ways to do this without going, as Jess calls it, full Amish . Right. 

[00:14:15] Jess: I don't, we can unplug without being full Amish, because I don't think I could do that.

Yeah. I don't think I could. Well, and, and what I wanna do is I wanna talk about how we can create an. A healthy alignment with ourselves and who we are online. Mm-hmm. . Right. Because who we are online, like, we always joke like, you know, people say shit, they shouldn't, they would never say to you in person.

Right. They'll say it online because they're behind their screen. Mm-hmm. and they're what I'd call safe. Right. And so I, I don't think people would actually say this, that stuff in person. Right. It's 

[00:14:48] Randi: awful. Yeah. So it's not really authentic. Mm-hmm. and it doesn't. You know, align with who they really are. And then people don't really know you.

You have like a persona, which is really weird. I try to take the mask off of social media, but most people don't. They just do kind of like niche themselves into this one area. And like you only see one faucet of this person and it's like, we are so multi-dimensional. Yeah. And um, we end up like boxing ourselves into a corner almost with social media and.

Really weird because then maybe you start to see yourself too differently and that you're only this one. Type of person and it's like you're forgetting about this whole other rust of yourself that you are not like showing the world or showing yourself or giving attention to what, 

[00:15:37] Jess: and if you go on Instagram, they keep telling you, find your niche.

No. Find 

[00:15:40] Randi: your one thing. I'm very much like anti niche. Right. Whole thing is I'm all over the place and curated. I don't like, I'm a, I live, my whole tagline is an uncurated life. I feel like we are, we put too much pressure on women, especially in digital social media, construct to be perfect and. It's just unattainable.

Mm-hmm. . And it causes all of these issues like this with your mental health, and then people are really struggling and especially the people that push it themselves. On the other side, these influencers are really struggling. Mm-hmm. and. They are the ones that are like, they're having horrible relationship problems.

They're having horrible friendship problems they're having, and they're not, they're cuz they're keeping it all under wraps and they're, cuz they don't wanna show it, they don't wanna share it. They're afraid people won't like them 

[00:16:31] Jess: or they're not gonna make money. Or people might find out that they're a hot.

Mess. Guess what? We're all hot messes in some way and people don't realize that, you know, because you and I sit on this other side of the room. Mm-hmm. , we get to see that people that we think are totally put together. Right. They're 

[00:16:47] Randi: not. Yeah. Because we, those people come to us and talk to us right. In therapy session.

And so we see, and we see a lot of high profile women who are very, you know, CEOs, you know, lawyers, doctors, you know, pharmacy reps at the top of their company. You know what I'm saying? Like they, you would think that they have all their shit together and like behind the scenes, They're falling apart and they need support and help, and that's why we're here to talk about this 

[00:17:14] Jess: stuff.

Right. And it's okay to fall apart and need help. Right. Because we are not perfect. We are, you know, we just talked about our last series of can keeping mm-hmm. about how we are doing everything in our households and we can't keep doing 

[00:17:29] Randi: all of this. Yeah. We can't hold it all together. Because then we start breaking apart, so right.

[00:17:34] Jess: So let's see how, how can I unplug without going, like I said, full Amish, right? So 

[00:17:38] Randi: just something simple, put your phone on silent or disable the notifications. 

[00:17:43] Jess: Oh my God, that was the best thing I did. Not ever did. Like I asked, it was like, I don't know, like two phones ago, whatever reason. My notifications didn't transfer over accidentally.

Mm-hmm. and it was the best thing, right? Like my phone is quiet, I 

[00:17:57] Randi: don't, a constant beep, beep, beep. Yes. I don't, I never have my phone sound on, I never have my notifications on. I have it set up because I did have it happen once where like my husband couldn't get ahold of me. So I have it set up. There's a way I, you can probably do this on Android too.

Mm-hmm. , but I only know Apple that I can set an em, like an emergency contact list. So like him, my daughter, my son, and it will ring through even if it's on my focus or even if it's on silent or it's on, like do not distract, their phone call will come through to me. So I know like, okay, I can pick this up.

Yeah. 

[00:18:31] Jess: Same. Uh, with, with Android it does the same thing. Yeah. Or they have it set up. If you like, you star it. Or if they call twice or three times, it'll come through. They'll push through if there's an emergency. And to be honest, I, you know, if somebody wants to actually get ahold of me, call me, go old school.

Mm-hmm. , because I'm not gonna always see my text messages. 

[00:18:49] Randi: Right. Right. Um, it's important to schedule time. For yourself. Time away. Um, time to go outside. Yes. Take a walk. Yes. Just put it on the calendar if you need to. I have to do that. Yes, because I get so bitty. Busy. Busy. I get so bitty . Um, I schedule like a massage for myself like every two weeks.

I schedule, you know, time to go outside. I have to schedule in like little getaways because I will start. Feeling like I am falling apart if I don't take that time away from work and my, you know, phone and my electronics. Well, and that 

[00:19:22] Jess: goes back to our self-care series. Um, our self-care episode. Was that number three early on?

Yes. Um, that one we talked about ways. To, to get self-care and what you are talking about is true self-care. Mm-hmm. versus like, what most of us do is self soothing. Right. Right. Where we're just trying to, you know, fix it versus plan for it. 

[00:19:41] Randi: Yeah. It's not like, um, you know, self soothing is when I'm stressed out and I go out and shop and drop $500 at Target.

Like, that's, that's not, I mean, some people would say that's self-care, but I, all 

[00:19:50] Jess: that strip mall therapy , that is, that is shopping 

[00:19:53] Randi: st retail therapy. Yes. 

[00:19:56] Jess: Okay. So, So put it on your books. Be intentional. Mm-hmm. with 

[00:20:00] Randi: it. Right. Set timers for quiet time. I have to set a timer to do meditation. I, I give myself 15 minutes.

Yeah. Because I know more than that. I'll start getting antsy, you know? And so there's also, like you said, the one put a phone in the box. That does not work for me. We have one of those. I get annoyed with it. Tried that, but it might work for you. But my husband was always like, put your phone in the box.

And then I felt like he was like yelling, yelling at you, like berating me for like having my phone. And I was like, no. And so, but you 

[00:20:30] Jess: can create, so what Randy's talking about is, um, creating cell phone free areas and times. Like, some people will make a phone box for dinner time, right? Mm-hmm. , everybody's phone goes in a box for dinner, so that way we are not, you know, distracted 

[00:20:44] Randi: checking it or distracting it.

Yeah. Or like, so we say like, no cell phones at the dinner table because we do have family dinner together every night and so, We've slacked on that, but I need to go back. That's what we, yeah. I need to go back to it. Like we just check out. And then two, that also impacts your eating because then you're not eating mindfully.

Yes. Which also causes weight gain. Yes. Jess and I have Bo both lost over a hundred pounds, and so it's like we. Had to retrain ourselves to eat, and that creates mindless eating when you're on your phone, eating or like even watching TV and stuff, or in front of my computer. Mm-hmm. , I have found that like, oh, I eat lunch in front of my computer all the time.

Right. 

[00:21:19] Jess: Or like, I'm munching on something, right? Mm-hmm. . And so you can have all these ticks and tricks, right? Yeah. Um, but the other thing I really teach too is adjusting how many times you check your email and setting a boundary for that. Because it's huge. It's huge. Yes. I mean, so many people check it all the time and I'm like, no.

If it's an emergency, call me. Yeah. I will check my email maybe three 

[00:21:41] Randi: times a day. Right. So I try to only check my email once or twice a day. Ooh, good for you. The thing is, is they say if you check your email, it takes you almost 20 to 30 minutes to get back on task. Yes. With what you were doing before.

Yes. So even if you're checking your email, You know, three times a day, that's almost like an hour, hour or two that you're losing, trying to get back into focus for what you are doing. Again, it's a huge 

distraction, 

[00:22:08] Jess: and what I will also do is I will limit my work email. I set boundaries and we talked about boundaries.

Mm-hmm. In episode six, right? Yeah. But I will set boundaries where I'm not going to check my email after six o'clock. Right. Right. And I have it on there that I'm not available. These are the times I'm 

[00:22:24] Randi: available. Yeah. And, and boundaries are key in doing this digital wellbeing and doing a detox. 

[00:22:29] Jess: Right. You know, and if you're having a hard time, go see a therapist.

Mm-hmm. , if you think you have an addiction, go see a therapist because the, the therapist will hopefully call you on your bullshit. Right. Right. And see it and help you work to where you 

[00:22:44] Randi: are happy and identify what is causing you. To reach out and go to your phone to self-soothe. Yeah. So if you're having like triggers, yeah, that's like, sometimes it's hard for us to see that in the moment, but like I could always go back to and see like, when did I start, like leaning into my phone and not, you know, what was happening around me.

If. Something was making me uncomfortable was I like getting into an argument with my partner. Were my kids stressing me out? Like, was I lonely? Right? Was I 

[00:23:12] Jess: right? Right. That's the other one. Are you lonely? Are you trying to fill something, right? Mm-hmm. , are we bored? Mm-hmm. , that's the other time. 

[00:23:20] Randi: Half the time we're bored.

Right? And so it's like, what could you be doing? For yourself to like fulfill yourself so you're not just like filling like a hole and like getting nothing back, but you're like filling it with something that maybe is gonna fill your cup up with. Because really, I mean, don't get me wrong, I love watching talks for hours, but is that really.

At benefiting my life. Like, am I, you know, like the other day I decided to put down my phone and I did some punch needling, or I've been teaching myself how to do this. Don't, don't ask. Okay. And, um, 

[00:23:51] Jess: I'm, I'm not judging you. I probably have 

[00:23:53] Randi: supplies for it. Yeah. I'm like, you probably, but I was like teaching myself something new and then I was like, so proud.

I was like, I'm gonna finish this. I'm not gonna get distracted. I put my phone away, I put it on the charger, and I spent an hour doing that. Finish the project for once. Do you know how many half ass craft projects I have around my house? Probably about 5,000. So , 

[00:24:13] Jess: that's funny you. , I do that, but I have to listen to a book.

Mm-hmm. , right? And so I'm like, okay, is that if I'm listening to a book, right? And, and I'm doing a, a cracked project, does that count as putting away my phone? Hmm. I don't know. I'm kind of going, no. Cause I'm not in the moment. I'm in two places at 

[00:24:31] Randi: once. I mean, that's still kind of digital, I would say. Yeah.

Like the audio and the noise. And you're using electronic. 

[00:24:38] Jess: Hmm. It's still a stimulus, right? Yeah. So, and I'm not sure if that counts or not. I mean, if y'all think it counts, let me know. Yeah. And then that way I can use that as an excuse and be like, our audience said it counts. 

[00:24:49] Randi: Lost my train of thought. . So what are some questions to ask yourself to see if you are ready for a digital detox, or this is something that you want to do?

[00:24:57] Jess: Right. I mean, how do we know if we're happy? Mm-hmm. . And that's, most of us don't even know how to do this. So the first thing I want you to ask yourself is, do you know how to maintain your happiness? Hmm. Right? Like when you're feeling unhappy, do you know how, and these can be. , yes or no questions. You can rate them on a scale of one to 10, 10 being really good, one being really poor.

Mm-hmm. , right? And you can just kind of give it, get an idea. There's no right or wrong way to answer these questions. Okay. I just kind of want you guys to kinda look at it and be like, can you do this? Yeah. Um, another, I believe that I can learn skills to increase my happiness. Like, you know, that punch needle art, right?

[00:25:36] Randi: Do you think that you can, you know, would that add something to your life? Do you have a good work life balance? Oh gosh, that's so tough. And that's, that's a no for me. So need to work on that. You know? You know, 

[00:25:48] Jess: actually, Randy, I think that, you know, I actually think you actually have a pretty good work-life balance.

Yeah. Because you know, I know you post a lot, but you also know how to step away and be part of your family. Oh yeah, I do. And so I really admire that about you. I saw you the other day with your daughter, right? Yeah. And I saw Cause I was on social media. Yeah. . But like, I was like okay, you didn't answer my call that night or my text cuz you were with her.

Yeah. That is that 

[00:26:13] Randi: true? That's was super important. Cause I do, I even have a focus on my phone that says, Family time. Yeah. And so I put it on and I block everything on my phone when I'm with, you know, my kids or you know, my husband. And, um, I do have a really close relationship with my daughter, and so You're right, I have to give myself a little bit more credit for that.

Yeah. Sorry, I had to call 

[00:26:36] Jess: her out. Thanks, because I was really impressed. The other day. Um, okay. Um, how about I hardly ever feel stressed. Right? Right. Because what's causing us stress most of the time it's our input of all this stuff. Right, right. It is. I stopped, it's overwhelming. I stopped watching the news.

I was like, me too. I can't, I can't right now. I cannot, I know. Handle it. 

[00:26:56] Randi: Ever since, for the last two years. Yes. I just, it's so negative and it's so triggering. Like triggering. Same thing. We'll talk about this on our next episode about social detox for kids. I had to limit my daughter on certain apps because it was feeding her mind so negatively.

Yeah. Like, you know, it's like what are you putting into yourself, into your body, into your 

[00:27:18] Jess: mind, and, and I can't. I can't. And even my friends and my husband kept wanting to talk about. Like the social stuff going on. Yeah. You have to tell people 

[00:27:25] Randi: what boundaries. I was like, no, please don't talk 

[00:27:27] Jess: to me about this.

Yeah. I was like, no, I can't do it. I can't do it. 

[00:27:31] Randi: Um, okay, so what else? Um, do I feel good about myself? Oh, that, I mean, that's huge. Like right now, in this moment, if you ask yourself, do I feel good about myself right now? I mean, like, what's your answer? Like, 

[00:27:43] Jess: I feel good about. I mean, really, truly, I think I'm, that's good.

I'm doing a good job at trying to balance and trying to, you know, feed into the stuff that feels my soul, my 

[00:27:55] Randi: cup. Yeah. And I think you do a really good, exceptional job of that too, I have to say. Well, thank you, . I'm like, wish I could balance things a little bit better than Jess, but that's the thing we see.

And maybe ask your friends too, about this. Yeah. Like what do you see in me about these things? hearing you say that about me made me pause and think about it in a different light because we do really talk negatively to ourselves a lot of 

[00:28:19] Jess: the time. It was really cool to see her cuz she, you could see her thinking like, okay, okay.

And owning it. Mm-hmm. , which was great. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . And maybe we should start telling our friends more, right. The positives that we see in them. 

[00:28:29] Randi: Yeah. Right. Because do that right now. Text somebody. Well, if we're doing a detox, write them a letter, send it in the mail, , 

[00:28:37] Jess: maybe make an old school fashioned phone call and tell 'em how amazing they are.

Or invite them to coffee and tell 'em how amazing they are. Yeah. Okay. 

[00:28:45] Randi: Um, so, um, can you calm yourself down after an upsetting experience or does it Ooh, send you like kind of into a tailspin? 

[00:28:52] Jess: Right? And then who do you reach out to? When do you have that connection to somebody? Have that support, and that's that social and emotional intelligence right there.

Mm-hmm. is can you self-soothe and calm down? Can 

[00:29:05] Randi: you stay present in the moment and not reach for your phone? 

[00:29:09] Jess: Holy hell, that's so hard. Like it is so hard. I'm the person that looks for my phone while I'm on it. Yeah. I'm walking around the house looking for my phone while I'm on it. Where's 

[00:29:18] Randi: my phone? I just spent 30 minutes looking for my phone with the flashlight on my phone and my hand

[00:29:23] Jess: Right. Or like, you know, have you guys seen my glasses? And they're like, on my head, I'm like, no, no, no. The other ones . Okay. Um, 

[00:29:31] Randi: do you know what matters most to you? 

[00:29:33] Jess: And most of us are right now, saying our family and our friends. Mm-hmm. . But are you being, 

[00:29:37] Randi: are we not present with them? Right. Are you being present with them though?

Like, we're gonna kind of play devil's advocate here, 

[00:29:42] Jess: right. Um, and then do you volunteer or do you engage in behavior that's beneficial to other people? Mm-hmm. , like not just the work you do, right. But are you engaging with other people or taking the time or even 

[00:29:55] Randi: your community and stuff like, yeah. What are you doing outside of yourself?

Because sometimes when we can step outside of ourselves, we find that can fill our cup too, like in a different 

[00:30:04] Jess: way. Yeah. I had a friend yesterday start sending me messages on Facebook. She was really upset about something and I finally was like, Do you have time to talk? Mm-hmm. like, this is this, this needs to be a conversation.

Right. And she was like, yes, thank you. Right. So I called her and we took, you know, it was like a 45 minute conversation. Mm-hmm. to help her work through something. She needed to work through. Yeah. And had I just kept chatting with her. I would've probably not a, been able to help sooth her, help he self sooth or even get the whole idea of what was going on.

Because you know, I was doing other things at 

[00:30:38] Randi: once. You were getting, yeah. You were getting the Cliff notes version, right? Yeah. And she probably felt so seen and heard by you. Yes, yes. And. that leans into also, do you have meaningful relationships with others? 

[00:30:50] Jess: Yeah. And she's a friend from another state, from like mm-hmm.

four years ago. Right. And so I, she, I love that she felt she could still reach out to me. 

[00:30:59] Randi: Yeah. But that was amazing of you too, to make that time and that space for her. Mm-hmm. 

[00:31:03] Jess: and, and I was able to do that, and I thought, okay, let's, let's go old school and make a phone call. Mm. Um, how about, this is one that we were talking about a little bit ago is that, you know, are you eating food that support your body and mind?

Mm-hmm. , are we getting our proteins in? Are you just mindlessly munching on pretzels? 

[00:31:18] Randi: Yeah. Okay. And are you ready to put in the effort? That's gonna increase your happiness. I mean, this is hard. We have to consciously be ready to do something like this and take the steps to detox. Right. You know, from these things.

You have to be in a good place. You can't just be like, I'm just gonna do it. You have to really have a conversation with yourself like, , I need to do this. These are gonna be my boundaries for myself. Mm-hmm. and this is what I want, uh, uh, to accomplish with this. And 

[00:31:46] Jess: I don't want you to detox entirely cuz I think that's setting ourselves up.

Right? No, do it in times. Set some 

[00:31:52] Randi: small increments. So when we talked about smart goals right? In our previous podcast, and. , it's that do it in a, an increment that you can manage. Yes. Like you maybe just not your phone and your computer. Maybe just like your phone or maybe just silence, say an hour a day, you know, or start out with silencing it or start out with turning off the notifications or, 

[00:32:12] Jess: right.

And like what I was talking about earlier is I started using our coloring books while I watch TV with my spouse. Mm-hmm. to unwind and to un. And to be present. Mm-hmm. And it is working to where, you know, only the puppy is like, Hey, hey, what are you doing ? What are you doing? My, your lap is full. I'd like to be there.

Yeah. Right. But it doing something that's going to help you be more present with your partner. I don't care if it's a Rubik's cube. . Mm-hmm. , but something that's gonna be more present with your family and, and to be able to be more present with 

[00:32:41] Randi: yourself. Yeah. So have the real conversation with yourself and others.

Ask yourself these questions and do a little bit of a, you know, detox for your digital wellbeing. Yeah, and we're gonna talk about this in the next episode about how you can continue on this journey with your kids Oh, yes. And their, um, you know, mental health and digital wellbeing. And so we will talk to you guys in the next episode.

All right. See you later. Thanks for listening and normalizing mental health with us. 

[00:33:10] Jess: Don't forget to check out our free resources and favorites on our website, unapologetically, randy and jess.com, 

[00:33:16] Randi: like, and share this episode, and tune in next week.

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