Empowered Minds: Unraveling the Realities of Mental Health

Ep 15 Mental Health 

[00:00:00] Randi: 1, 2, 3, 4. Hi friends. It's Randy and Jess, and we're gonna cut the bullshit and let's get 

[00:00:07] Jess: into women's mental health.

[00:00:13] Randi: Welcome to the podcast unapologetically All over the place with Randy and Jess, where we talk about women's mental health issues and how it's all normal. 

[00:00:22] Jess: What the heck is mental health? Anyways, the inside scoop from two psychotherapists. 

[00:00:27] Randi: In this episode, we talk about what mental health is and why it is such a big deal.

We're also 

[00:00:33] Jess: gonna talk about the different types of people you may or may not see in dealing with your mental health and what all those initials after their last names really 

[00:00:42] Randi: mean. We're gonna break down what makes a great therapist and what makes a shitty therapist. Share 

[00:00:48] Jess: some tips on how to start getting the help that you need.

[00:00:51] Randi: So have you ever had the thoughts, Am I crazy? Does 

[00:00:56] Jess: everyone feel like 

[00:00:56] Randi: this? Why is it so freaking hard to find a good therapist? 

[00:01:00] Jess: Why is it so hard to get my insurance to cover 

[00:01:03] Randi: therapy? How do I know who to go to for my mental health? 

[00:01:08] Jess: Am I supposed to talk to my therapist and ask questions about themselves?

[00:01:12] Randi: Oh my God. I just saw my therapist at Costco and it was so weird. 

[00:01:15] Jess: I've had that actually. Have you? Yes. I was at Costco and I was in the alcohol aisle with my husband buying alcohol. Yes, that happens. We are getting some wine and there goes one of my clients and this client is now piling up bottles upon bottles of alcohol.

Mm-hmm. . Now I knew there was something happening that an event. Yeah. So I wasn't worried. Yeah. It was the most awkward thing. This person was like, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, ran off and my husband was 

[00:01:45] Randi: like, What just happened? I was like, I, I, I don't know. Just keep going. So I would always have the conversation with my clients that if they saw me out in public, if they wanted to approach me, they could, and I would say, Hello.

but if they didn't approach me, I wouldn't say anything to them. Exactly. You tell 'em the same thing. I Yeah. I was like, It's your call. Like don't think I'm ignoring you in public. I'm just being professional. But if you wanna be like, Hey, that's my therapist, that's totally okay too. But I'm leaving that up to you.

[00:02:15] Jess: I also have the conversation that we will never get into anything big in the frozen food aisle. Right. I was walking 

[00:02:21] Randi: through one. This is not time for a therapy session. 

[00:02:23] Jess: No. And one time I was walking through a store. I had a box of tampons in my hand, like literally started my period in the middle of the day, had nothing, had to run to the store at my lunch and grab tampons.

So I'm running through the store to get back from my next client. I've got tampons in my hand and my male client goes, Oh my gosh. Hey, what are you doing? And I'm sitting there literally holding, and I'm like, I have a box of tampons in my hand. And I just look and he goes, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And took 

[00:02:51] Randi: off. And I was like, Oh, you're a real person.

Wait, this is weird . It 

[00:02:54] Jess: was so funny. And I was like, Yeah, dude, I, I gotta go. Yeah, 

[00:02:58] Randi: it was So what is mental health? I know it seems like such. Basic question, but I think we need to break it 

[00:03:05] Jess: down. You know, you're right. We assume that people know when we start talking about mental health mm-hmm. , or we make these acronyms that they know what we're talking about.

[00:03:14] Randi: Mm. And there's so many of them to keep track of. And like even us, us therapists, we don't even know what they all mean and they're always changing, like rules and regulations about things. So it could. 

[00:03:25] Jess: Mental health is our emotional, psychological, and social wellbeing. I mean, that's like the official piece, right?

The three pieces that makes our mental health. But what does all that 

[00:03:35] Randi: mean? We need to break that down even more into those categories. So emotional mental health is like how well you're able to process emotions and cope with life changes and triggers, how you manage stress. How do your relationships look, and also taking care of your physical health plays into your emotional health to maintain your overall wellbeing of emotions.

Wow, that that was a mouthful. Okay. That was a lot. So just, I mean, breaking down , you know that even further is that how do you cope, you know, basically, And how do you manage that? And are you managing it? And if you're not, then this is like a key to your mental health that you may need to look into. And then we go onto the psychological side of that.

[00:04:23] Jess: And that's a core feature of your mental health. How do you enjoy things? Uh, where's the pleasure? Mm-hmm. , um, where do you feel fulfillment or happiness? Right. And you know, and it talks about like, you know, your coping and your emotional regulation, um, and healthy problem solving. Right. Right. You have to have all of that.

To be able to even get to part of the, the emotional 

[00:04:47] Randi: piece. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. So it's like these foundation layers, Right. And it's like if you're not finding like meaning in your life mm-hmm. , if you're not able to regulate yourself and your emotions, and that all plays into the, you know, psychological side. And so if like you're snapping at things and you're feeling hopeless and you're not able to find meaning in your life, like, you can also say like, Okay, something's going on with my mental.

And let's not 

[00:05:12] Jess: forget the social part, right? Mm-hmm. , there is a social wellbeing, right? Like the sense of belonging to a community, um, sense of contributing. And those are little things like, uh, yesterday I went out to get the mail. Mm-hmm. and my neighbors were across the street and I got to have a conversation because I have a community.

Which is, you know, my neighborhood. Right. And it was just nice to feel like connected 

[00:05:34] Randi: and belong. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. And that can come in varying forms of like your family community, your friendship, community, your church. Yeah. Your church, a mom's group, whatever that is. Yeah. Like you can have varying communities, but it's like, do you have a support system at all that you can lean on?

It doesn't need to be huge. Do you have those things, as you know, a support system and a foundation and that all, all these three key components lock into your overall mental health? 

[00:06:03] Jess: Okay, So why are all three so important when it comes to mental 

[00:06:07] Randi: health? It allows you better coping with the stresses of life and everything that you're gonna, you know, be hit head on.

To be able to go through really stressful things like you need a support system, you need to be able to understand why things are happening, and you need to be able to manage those things that are happening to you. Um, so it's not drowning you and you don't feel so overwhelmed and you don't feel lost and like you're being dragged down.

So that's why it's important, because it allows you to like learn more to work well. Be an active part of your community, contribute to your society, if you will, and realize your potential. It takes 

[00:06:49] Jess: a good, healthy mental health to do all good, healthy mental health to do all of 

[00:06:53] Randi: that. Right, Right. That's a, Yeah.

Good, healthy mental health. That's our new, our new tag. 

[00:06:57] Jess: Good healthy mental 

[00:06:58] Randi: health.com, right? And this is why, but most of us do struggle with mental health because this is not easy to achieve. Not all three. No, No, it's not. And so I don't want anybody who's listening in to feel like, Well, I'm a failure because I don't have this.

Well, most people don't have it all. And that's why mental health is such a struggle because we do live in an environment where we are not very community based anymore. And, um, we don't have good support systems and things like that. It is easy to really not have the best, you know, mental health 

[00:07:31] Jess: support in the previous state that I lived in.

You know, it was so weird when I moved to this state and people waved to you mm-hmm. , and you're like, Do I know them? You're waving back like, Do I know them? No, no. They're just driving by your house and they're waving cuz hey, there's a person. Right. You know? And if I needed to call my neighbor and. Hey, do, do you have any pickles, which I've, I've done before,

And she's like, Yeah, yeah, I'll bring you over a jar. And I'm like, Oh, thank goodness. Right, Right. And so some of these neighbors are on my emergency list for my daughter. Mm-hmm. . I didn't have that back in some of the place cuz it was so busy, so hectic that 

[00:08:05] Randi: you just didn't Right. Everybody was on a different.

Direction or was commuting and things like that. Yeah. Where we live in a smaller community now, so it's a little bit easier to build those connections. Well, 

[00:08:15] Jess: and people want those connections, right? Taking care of your mental health, it's important because, you know, it does, again, it helps you build those relationships, right?

If you don't have a good emotional wellbeing, how are you going to have a good social wellbeing? Mm-hmm. . Right? 

[00:08:31] Randi: And it's a basic human. And we don't really put it at the forefront in our society and the United States like other countries do. It gets put on the back burner a lot, you know, unfortunately.

[00:08:45] Jess: Well, and growing up, I don't remember mental health being a thing. No. I, I don't remember it really even being at, Let's check in on your mental health. No, not at all. You know, my daughter's school, they do this, they have a counselor, she likes her. Mm-hmm. . She comes in and she talks to them about different things each week as they're getting older and they're learning more, and she'll go through and talk about, you know, what is depression?

Mm-hmm. , what is sadness? What is 

[00:09:12] Randi: anxiety, and I love that for kids because knowledge is power and for them to understand those things that they're going through and realize like they're not alone in that, I feel is super empowering because like as a kid, like I had no idea, you know, being undiagnosed, like adhd, like I thought that was just my life and I was crazy inside of my head.

That's a lot to carry when you're younger and if it's not something that's talked about, you're not gonna bring it up. I didn't talk to my parents about that. 

[00:09:39] Jess: I don't think our parents knew that we to even talk about that. Right. That's the thing is that we talk about generational, Right. Generational pieces of how it ties into mental health.

Mm-hmm. is that that wasn't something that they even knew to talk 

[00:09:54] Randi: about? Well, their parents, no. Their parents were like, Suck it. My mom was 15 years younger than her sisters, so like my grandma was like, whatever. With her , Oh, wait, wait, wait. 

[00:10:03] Jess: There's a 

[00:10:03] Randi: kid here. I don't care about your problems. 

[00:10:06] Jess: I'm wondering if it comes back that, you know, it takes a village, right?

Mm-hmm. , we talk about it takes a village, or in other countries, you know, you have multiple generations living in a family to help raise children and help take care of things, right? Mm-hmm. , which we don't have. Because we don't have three generations living in our house to help our child. It's just us.

[00:10:27] Randi: Yeah. And we do have very, like a lot of us have very limited resources, both of mother and mother-in-law passing away. Like we don't have that support system so that some people do have, and it's like, so you find you have to find other ways to kind of fill. Those support things and it, it's hard, you know, on your relationship and your mental health when you don't have a foundation like that.

And we do move a lot now too, like in our society. So you're moving away from, you know, communities you've built and having to like rebuild them. And sometimes that's very, very difficult. 

[00:11:01] Jess: And it's difficult right now. I, I'm, I'm thankful, but it's difficult right now for people to find sitters. Mm-hmm. , I mean, trying to find daycare in sitters out there.

At least ours is old enough that we don't have to worry about that. Yeah. If we wanna date night, but like, how do these people do date nights? Well, they don't date nights. Well, they're gonna pay a hundred bucks for the daycare person to come in to go out to dinner for a limited time. Right. And so, A lot of people are not doing that anymore, right?

[00:11:28] Randi: Yeah. So they're not getting that downtime like at all. And so it's like you go from work to caretaker to over and over and over again without any break in that. Where like before, like you said, in a community, you know, or if you have generational, you know, housing and things like that, you'd be like, Oh, go, You know, hang out with grandma for a little bit and you.

That mental and emotional break. 

[00:11:50] Jess: Well, and I remember doing a lot more like family parties, Right. We'd go to like my, my stepdad's side of the family and, you know, all of the old folks Right. Would be sitting around playing Majong mm-hmm. , right. And they'd be in the corner there and the kids would be over here, and then you'd have people over here cooking or eating.

Yeah. And it would just be this big thing that we used to do. Yeah. Um, going to my grandma's would be the big thing too. And so, you know, it was just a lot more. 

[00:12:13] Randi: Yes. On the opposite side too, I think a lot of people have instated boundaries with their families and realize some of those support systems were not healthy.

Yeah. And were causing more harm than good. And so people having to distance themselves from that or make that hard call, like, Am I going to walk away from this support system because. It's affecting my mental health, but I'm also giving up them, like, you know, watching my kids or having like that family time.

But if there's other triggers or trauma in the background, like what's best for me, me, And that's, that's true. I think about that. Yeah. On the opposite side of that, like maybe, you know, now that we are more aware of those things that can trigger mental health or we don't want our kids exposed to certain things, um, walking away from that.

But in that you have given. Some type of support and need to find a different way to replace it. Oh my God. 

[00:13:07] Jess: Okay, so I'm just gonna put this out there. Mm-hmm. , my grandma, she's passed been years. Yeah. Grandpa's passed. Been years. Right? They used to totally smoke pot back in the days where you're not supposed to smoke pot.

Right? Yeah. And so I remember as a little kid, Seeing them, you know, they had their little, she had this like tin thing, Token up. Yeah. I seeing them rolling it, doing all their thing, and I'm 

[00:13:30] Randi: thinking, you're right. So grandma sewing tin was actually, no, it wasn't 

[00:13:34] Jess: doing a sewing tin. It was like a baking sheet from the, From the kitchen.

Oh. Like a, Oh gosh. Funny. Like a brownie. Yeah. But I would never allow my kid around. And so I, I, it's nothing against my parents allowing me, It was just a different generation, right? And so, yeah, you're right. I'd probably put a hard boundary on that. Sorry. That's funny. That's just, Alright. Sidetrack.

Squirrel. Squirrel. Okay, so I wanna go through and do some true and false for our 

[00:13:57] Randi: audiences. Yeah. Misconceptions about mental health and things like that. Let's get back on 

[00:14:02] Jess: track here. Okay. So as we go along, I want y'all in your head or out loud in your car to say true or false, right? Mm-hmm. . Okay. Randy, do you have.

[00:14:09] Randi: Therapists and psychiatrists don't have mental health problems. I think a lot of people think that. Yeah. 

[00:14:16] Jess: Like they, they, they don't have their own problems. I'm gonna, so what, what do you, uh, Oh, I've met a bunch. I'm gonna go with the big time falls. Yeah. 

[00:14:23] Randi: False. False. I would say we usually have a lot, or we have a probably why, like some of us have gone into that field is to understand more.

Or we've been around, you know, family members and stuff that have had, um, you know, mental health struggles and we wanna dive in more to it. So I would say, We do struggle with that and that's why Jess and I have this podcast too, to talk about our struggles and make you guys realize like it really is normal and normal.

Yeah. We're all real people and you're not alone in that. 

[00:14:54] Jess: Right. Okay, here's another one. People with mental health problems are violent and unpredictable. False. Big 

[00:15:01] Randi: time. False. I mean, there's a small percentage. Mm-hmm. and like we do learn about it too, like when we're in school and stuff about the dangers of being on this side of mental health.

Mm-hmm. . Um, and there are, you know, a lot, but the chances of that are very low. Like something like three to 5% of. The violent acts come, the reasoning coming from being, you know, mental health and instability in that. Yeah. I 

[00:15:30] Jess: remember I had an office like two offices ago, and this was back when they started doing some of the school shootings in colleges, Right.

For over the mental health piece. Mm-hmm. . And so we had just gotten panic buttons set up for the alarm and I remember putting it in a drawer going. Okay. Is this a time to panic? Am I panicking? Do I push the button now? Yeah. Do I push the button now? Yeah. And our therapist kept pushing the buttons accidentally.

and, And like you're like, What is happening? Right. And that week I had a new person show up. Oh my God. He was so high on meth and I was like, Do I panic now? Is this a panic now? No, no, no, no. You can talk your way through this. Let's do this. And so, but yeah, I mean, sometimes you don't know who you get in your office.

[00:16:13] Randi: Yeah, that's true. Um, I worked in a very like, uh, dangerous area with clients that would come in, um, a lot of times high on like meth or black is what they call it on the street. And, um, we did not have panic buttons, , but I was always like, um, Okay. Like you understand like your situation and be able to, um, handle that client.

And they used to tell us like, don't sit near the window. Like they could use the strings to strangle you or like, don't use jewelry. And I was like, Don't wear jewelry like they could. And I'm like, Okay. Like I can't. There's just a point where you have to choose Ike. You can't live your life in fear. And did those things ever happen?

No. I'm not saying they can't, but those instances are very rare. It's good to be like aware of things, but like when I walk the streets late at night, if I'm like in a big city or whatever, traveling like those that are mentally ill on the streets, it doesn't scare me because like I. There's a 3% chance.

Right. And I know where they're, why they're struggling, you know? And so when you understand that and that the chances are so low, it doesn't mean like I'm gonna be like, Hey, let's hang out. You know? I 

[00:17:20] Jess: worked in a internships long time ago. It was in Sacramento, not in a great neighborhood. Mm-hmm. . Right. But it was a really 

[00:17:29] Randi: great place.

I walked in for a while. Yeah. . 

[00:17:32] Jess: I used to joke that the, the, the people behind us where all the, where the drug dealers were. Mm-hmm. , it was totally cool. They used to watch my car. Oh yeah. They knew where we were. Mm-hmm. , they'd take care of our cars, you know, and they were the nicest 

[00:17:44] Randi: people. Oh yeah. When you earn their respect.

None of my clients would've ever like, let me like be harmed. But you have to earn that respect. Yeah. You do have to earn it. So is mental health caused by a personality weakness or a character flaw? Oh, that's a big 

[00:18:00] Jess: time. False. 

[00:18:01] Randi: False. False. Yeah. It's not your character, it's not your personality. It's not who you are.

[00:18:08] Jess: No, it's, it comes from genetics. It comes from things in your childhood. Trauma. I mean, it. From 

[00:18:16] Randi: your brain pattern, from that trauma and the genetics and the way you're hardwired inside, 

[00:18:21] Jess: right? And, and these are not things that are make you weak. They're not things that are even a flaw. You can't 

[00:18:28] Randi: control 

[00:18:28] Jess: them.

No. These are things you can work on. These are things that are part of you. But I tell people, you don't have to fly the flag. You don't have to put the sticker on your. They don't own you. You can work with it. Let's see. People of mental health do not try hard enough, otherwise they do better by themselves.

[00:18:47] Randi: False , you're not lazy. I get people say that a lot, like they're just lazy. They're not trying hard enough. No. Are you walking in that person's shoes? No, you never will. So you, there's no way you could ever understand what they're going through. Right. 

[00:19:03] Jess: I heard the coolest saying last week, the gra, you know that hole, the grass is greener on the other side.

Mm-hmm. . And I was like, Okay, I've heard that. And they said, No, the grass is greener where you water it. Mm-hmm. . And I was like, I never thought of that. 

[00:19:16] Randi: Yeah. Focus on your own shit. Focus on 

[00:19:18] Jess: yourself. Stay in your lane. Mm-hmm. . Right. Stay in your lane. Okay. This is my big one. Prevention and safety plans do not work.

False. Absolutely false. They're showing more and more that, Oh, let's, What is a safety plan real 

[00:19:32] Randi: quick? Okay. So a safety plan is, For instance, you are feeling suicidal. Mm-hmm. . And so you and your therapist would come up with a plan of action to do these steps to keep you safe. So like if you're feeling a certain way, like you call a resource or a friend, or like you call, you know your doctor, and then if this doesn't work, then you're gonna do plan B.

And then if this doesn't work, you're gonna do this. And then, There's a plan in place for you to follow if you're feeling unsafe. 

[00:20:00] Jess: It's like a recipe, right? Right. You, you create a recipe. You have all the directions, you have all the who to call and what to do. Mm-hmm. . And they're really showing that those do help in reducing suicide.

Mm-hmm. . Um, because they give hope. They give, they literally give a direction. A 

[00:20:15] Randi: direction. Yeah. I was. Yeah, I was thinking that exact same thing cuz like when you are feeling so outta sorts like that and you, you need like a life raft to hold onto mm-hmm. and you can be like, wait, me and my therapist or me and my doctor came up with this safety plan and this is what I'm supposed to do while I'm feeling this way.

And I sometimes you can't trust yourself when you're in like a state like that. Mm-hmm. . And so it's like, okay, I'm just gonna go 1, 2, 3, this is my plan. And same thing with a prevention plan. I've done that with clients too, like this. Where we're going, These are the steps we're gonna take and we're gonna check in, we're gonna make these goals, we're gonna see if you're achieving or not.

And having a, a roadmap, you know, basically to check in with yourself and your therapist consistently to see like if things are working or if they're not working, I feel is so helpful. And like you said, it's showing more and more with research. They follow this, that it is helpful. 

[00:21:13] Jess: And, and one of the things too, if you are in therapy, You should have what's called a treatment plan.

Mm-hmm. . And the treatment plan is, it should be, you have kind of the idea of what's going on, right? What the problem is, what the issues are. Mm-hmm. , And then you have goals, and these are goals that you should come up with with your therapist, or at least you should be in agreement. And these goals kind of go through and say, you know, this is what your, your goal is.

This is where you're trying to work towards. Right? Mm-hmm. , like if it's anxiety, you are trying to reduce the overall anxiety, or you are trying to learn coping skills to help you with your 

[00:21:54] Randi: anxiety. Right. And it can be very basic to like, even like I'm trying to. Anxiety in the workplace. Yeah. And it's like maybe like two days a week.

It could be different or it could be like maybe by 10%. You know, there's different ways to, um, kind of track that and gauge that. But just so you have like some idea of what 

[00:22:12] Jess: measurable Yeah. Cause how do you know you met the goal? Okay. Like Randy said, Okay, two days a week, I'm no longer anxious that goal is being met or worked towards.

Mm-hmm. . So, um, and the reason they're showing that prevention does work also is that it helps reduce things like crime rates. Mm-hmm. , it's help reducing overall. Satisfaction like job place. Mm-hmm. . And in home lives they're showing that prevention and working with younger kids. Mm-hmm. , especially like my daughter and like, you know, we talked about her school.

Mm-hmm. , they're showing that is showing giving people more resilience 

[00:22:49] Randi: as they grow. Yeah. Because, It's knowledge. Yeah, it's power. It's understanding. Exactly. And we are empowering then those youth who probably feel already so out of sorts with like hormones and things like that. So say if like a school counselor comes in and it's like, let's work on A, B, and C, and then we're seeing your growth in these areas, and they're like, Oh.

And then we're seeing lack in this area. So. Move here. And then they're like, Okay. And then they're understanding why they're feeling so outta sorts and that they can do something, you know, to make things better. When things feel so out of control, like whether they're having issues at home or like the hormones or whatever it is, boyfriend, girlfriend, you know, relationships.

And they can also see that roadmap cuz sometimes it's. To see it yourself, you know, to see outside of yourself. Yeah. 

[00:23:40] Jess: I'm laughing. I was laughing because, uh, last week, uh, my daughter's friend said the school counselor said she was going to help her be a better person, . And I was like, I, I'm not sure that's exactly what she right said, but okay.

If, if that's what you got from it, great. Okay, we'll roll with it. Right? But you're always, if you don't understand what somebody in the mental health is saying to you, if you don't get it or you're like, Wait, did you tell me I suck? Do I need to be better? Please ask. Just ask questions. Mm-hmm. . Cause sometimes, again, we start talking and rolling through things.

Yeah. And we, And 

[00:24:15] Randi: realizing that you don't know. Yeah. You might not know. And it's okay to ask. I say there's no such thing as a dumb question. Nope. Like, and we love to educate. Like me as a therapist and even me like as a boss, like I love to educate my team. I love to educate my clients. I love to be educated too.

So if there's like something like I'm missing, like that you feel I should know, like I wanna know, comes back to communication too. That's so helpful overall and, um, understanding mental health and, but a lot of people can think, I don't have mental health issues, so why should I care about this shit? Like, it doesn't matter.

Well, it does. 

[00:24:51] Jess: It totally matters. They're showing, oh my gosh, especially the last couple of years, right? Mm-hmm. suicide is leading cause of death in the United States. The leading cause of death, especially, it was what? The second leading cause of death for kids age 10 to 24. That's huge. 

[00:25:10] Randi: That's our youth.

That's our future. 

[00:25:12] Jess: Those are both my kids. Yeah. Right. 10 

[00:25:14] Randi: to 24, that's, Yeah. My kid, Well, I have a seven and 16 year old, so I mean, , That's huge. To think that that is their second leading cause of death is suicide. I 

[00:25:26] Jess: wish we had more out there to tell them that. Yeah, it really sucks right now, whatever they're going through.

Mm-hmm. . But it will get better. Yeah. But you know, it just trying to tell them it will get better and they say that. What is it? 46,000 people died by suicide. I'm sorry. Yeah. Died by suicide. That's the correct way. We don't say committed suicide anymore. We say died by suicide. Mm-hmm. . That is the more politically correct.

They said 46,000 died by suicide in 2020. Think of that. 

[00:25:55] Randi: That's like a city, that's like a town. When you think of that like just poof, that's our entire town gone. Right? Just gone. Gone like blanked out of existence. When you think of it that way, it's scary. And so mental health should matter to everybody because it's touching somebody's life that you know, even if you're not struggling with it, you should be aware of it so you can support those around you.

Mm-hmm. . 

[00:26:21] Jess: So let's talk about the alphabet soup of what the initials after our 

[00:26:25] Randi: names mean. Oh Lord, this can be so confusing even. Us. 

[00:26:30] Jess: Yeah. So we're gonna try to not lose everybody. 

[00:26:32] Randi: Yeah. And we'll put up a little diagram too, to show you, 

[00:26:35] Jess: but, But there's a reason because certain we can do certain things.

Certain people can do certain things. So let's go first a psychiatrist. 

[00:26:43] Randi: Okay. They are a medical doctor. Technically, they will have a doctor before their name. They have gone to medical school. And 

[00:26:52] Jess: what they do, the psychiatrist will give medications and that's where the confusion is, right? Your psychiatrist will give medications.

They typically will do an intake. They typically, after that, will meet you like every four to six weeks for like 15 

[00:27:08] Randi: minutes, right? Or you'll see their nurse practitioner or whatever and they oversee them. Most 

[00:27:14] Jess: psychiatrists don't do therapy. Some do. But most, Most don't. Do not. Yeah. 

[00:27:19] Randi: They're typically there to look medical.

The meds. Yeah. Medical med management. 

[00:27:22] Jess: Mm-hmm. . And so what you said nurse practitioner, right? Mm-hmm. . The next step would be a psychiatric nurse practitioner. Yeah. Typically they work, they can do meds. They're kind of like your doctor, kind of like your psychiatrist. I think they work underneath the psychiatrist.

[00:27:39] Randi: They do work under a psychiatrist. Yeah. And so they can also. Diagnose plan and choose the medication you're on. And then the MD over them signs off on it for them. But they are usually called a psych np and they're a step under the psychiatrist md. 

[00:27:59] Jess: And you know what? They are great to work with. Oh 

[00:28:01] Randi: yeah, they're great.

They're great. And you know, they're usually the ones that you see and most, Yeah, the most. And they're in their, um, you know, helping d. And deal with the medication management too on a day in, day out basis. So they have a really usually good firm grasp on medications and how they should work with you.

[00:28:22] Jess: Okay, so this next one, this is what gets confusing for Yes, everybody. Yeah, a psychologist. A psychologist. You can be a PhD, a c, d or an, Is that an ed d? Yeah, Ed d. Okay. See, I don't even know. And they all have a doctor before their name 

[00:28:41] Randi: because they have a doctorate level degree. So that's like a step above a master.

So there's like, you have your aa, your like general education, You have your bachelor's, you have your master's after that, and then you can get. Doctorate degree, or you can get your medical degree. So there's these varying levels. And so a psychologist has a doctorate level degree. They have not gone to medical school, but they have had extra schooling in different areas of psychology, right?

[00:29:16] Jess: And so what a psych. Does, a lot of them will do therapy And they are 

[00:29:21] Randi: therapists, right? Oh yeah. A lot of them do like assessments and like testing, testing and stuff like that. 

[00:29:27] Jess: And so a psychologist is who I would send you to if I wanted you to be assessed for adhd. If I would say, I want 

[00:29:35] Randi: you depending on the state, or I send you a neurologist, but that's different.

Yeah, that's confusing too because every state has different requirements like. In some states, like just, or I could like diagnose for ADHD and like other states, like we couldn't, So it depends too, like on your local information, which makes it extra confusing. So, 

[00:29:56] Jess: confusing . But yeah, so, so that's the difference.

A psychologist cannot give you meds. Correct. The only people who can do meds is a psychiatric nurse practitioner. Your regular doctor or a psychiatrist? Mm-hmm. or neurologist? 

[00:30:11] Randi: They have to be a doctor. Yeah, they have to have a medical license. 

[00:30:15] Jess: Okay. So then there 

[00:30:17] Randi: is a psychologist at a master's level, which is so confusing.

Right. So they just have a master's in psychology. They might have a master's in counseling. Psychology . It is very confusing. Very confusing. Um, and they can be a licensed psychologist or unlicensed, 

[00:30:39] Jess: not unlicensed. We don't see too many of those. I don't see very many of those. Most of the psychologists I see are doctor doctorate.

They've already got their doctorate. Yeah. Okay. So then after that goes social worker. There's so many initials we're not even gonna get into it. Right. But basically there is a social worker. They can be licensed or unlicensed. Well, 

[00:31:01] Randi: okay, let's, Cuz I have my, um, Master's in social work and there's also varying degrees of social work.

So you can have a bachelor's in social work. Yep. Which you do Basic case management. That's what you think of. Like if you're like going into state agency and they're kind of like helping people like fill out paperwork and then there's like a master's level of social work and we can work different levels all the way from like, um, political things to.

To clinical, I specialized in clinical. I see. I can't even think of, there's like so many different like areas, right? You can go into and then you can choose to be licensed or unlicensed with that too. So you can do, you know, a lot of, uh, work and, um, put in hours to get licensed. You're overseen, you know, by people and then you've been tested by like the state and the boards and stuff like that.

So you can do. Therapy, um, psychotherapy, things like 

[00:31:58] Jess: that. And the cool thing, if you are a social worker, even if you're licensed or un licensed social worker, typically you are the ones that work in like the hospitals. You can do therapy, private practice. I've always seen it as you have a little bit more movement, 

[00:32:13] Randi: you do ability.

And that's why I chose it because, um, I originally was working. The va. Mm-hmm. , but I wasn't sure if I wanted to do private practice. And I also, you know, like the idea of also making, um, changes within the world, you know, and policies and stuff like that. So what, there was a lot of different areas I could choose, you know, to go into and shift.

[00:32:36] Jess: And then the next one, which is confusing is the marriage and family therapist. Mm-hmm. , that's what I am. Yes. Right. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist. We really, you can't be. An unlicensed marriage and family therapist and do too much with it, right? This whole goal is to go and get licensed.

Mm-hmm. . Now, just because I'm a marriage and family therapist, I do not do couples because I do not referee well. Right? That's not my thing. And so I always get people who are like, Well, do you work with couples? And I'm like, No. And they. But it says you're a marriage 

[00:33:07] Randi: and family therapist. Right? And so that kind of, that name kind of like pigeonholes you.

Yes, but it's not, They can see anybody, you know, children, adults, women, men. You can choose which area like you specialize in with that. And so that's why these names can be super confusing for people. A lot of people think too, like, I can't see. I know before I was in this field, I thought, I can't see like a, a licensed social worker.

Like, what is that? I don't need case management. And I didn't know like that they offered, you know, psychotherapy or, you know, different types of therapy as well. And same thing with a marriage and family. I was like, I can't see, I'm not married. I can't see an mft. Very hard to understand all the letters and names.

[00:33:48] Jess: It is, and, and just like with social work, there's a licensure that I have to, um, pass. Um, there's studying, there's hours. Mm-hmm. , there's trainings and it is something, you know, I always tell people, passing the boards for what we do. Mm-hmm. , it's kind of like passing the boards for the bar, right? Yeah. It's for like law.

It's, it's the same kind of idea where it's once every six months it's pass fail. Mm-hmm. , you know, it's one of those things 

[00:34:16] Randi: where you kind of, you'll learn, you have to study for it, you know, You know you have to able to Yeah. For months and months and you. You are beholden basically to like your state and your board to keep up like your licensure, Like we are upheld to a lot of standards.

Yes. Um, 

[00:34:34] Jess: and ethics. Yes. No more dancing on the table at bars. Randy? I was told that one. I was, I was told, I, when I started to work, they said no more dancing at the tables, you know, on bars. Yeah. So, and I was like, I. Done that 

[00:34:48] Randi: yet that, Okay. So we have to follow a lot of rules and regulations that, um, a lot of other licensing does not have to, 

[00:34:56] Jess: You know, it's really interesting is that we can't be friends with our clients.

Mm-hmm. , we have to wait two years of no contact. and then reach back out if we think we can be friends with these people. Mm-hmm. . But my medical doctor, they can totally 

[00:35:12] Randi: be friends. It's very interesting. All the different like regulations they place upon, um, US mental health. Yeah. On there's a lot. And it can be pretty, um, heavy burden to carry.

I feel like when you're licensed like that. And they add to it all the time too. 

[00:35:27] Jess: Right. And there's thanks because we're helping you and your mental health. Mm. that we should have good mental health. Right. Right. You know, if you're falling down drunk in the street, that is not good. Yeah. The biggest thing I see for a lot of people going on probation or losing their license are things like drunk driving.

Mm-hmm. , right? I mean, how can you go to your therapist and expect them to have. Good 

[00:35:52] Randi: knowledge if Right. And cognitive awareness of things. And so that's why the board is in place and that's why we do get licensed because we do believe in what we're doing and stuff. And upholding like those standards for people.

Mm-hmm. . But I think it in some ways too, it can also. Make people feel like we're unattainable because we are sometimes held to such a high standard. You know? And that's why we kind of wanted to break down the barriers here too, and talk about ourselves like in a different way. Oh 

[00:36:20] Jess: yeah. And I tell people, if you see me and me and my kid are going at it, just, just walk on it.

Nos ignore us. Just we're gonna, It's, it's normal. It's normal. Don't worry about it. Yeah. And then there's one more. Getting more popular the last couple of years is a licensed professional 

[00:36:36] Randi: counselor. Yeah, they're usually called an lpc. Um, and so they have a little bit less stringent requirements. Um, but I, it depending on the state, they've been kind of upping them and stuff.

Yeah. 

[00:36:49] Jess: It depends on the state. Some states they can't do couples, they still do. Some states say, you know, they can't diagnose. There's such a gray area. Mm-hmm. . Um, but what I tell people is when you go to see either a counselor, a therapist, a social worker, if you're doing any of that, the most important piece is that you have good rapport with them, Right.

And that you trust. 

[00:37:13] Randi: Them, right? It doesn't really matter. Like all the letters behind. Nope. Their name. Like if you don't feel safe with them, if you don't feel value coming from them, if you don't work well together. And so that's why we're gonna talk about signs of a good therapist that you should look for and signs of a shitty therapist that you should run the other way.

run. 

[00:37:36] Jess: So signs of a good, 

[00:37:37] Randi: the. They actually listen to you and hear you. They are present with 

[00:37:43] Jess: you, right? They're not playing on their phone while you talk to 

[00:37:46] Randi: them, or you know, you don't feel dismissed by them. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . 

[00:37:50] Jess: You feel validated? Yes. That's a big one. So that you feel like they get 

[00:37:54] Randi: you. Mm-hmm.

and they want what's best for you. And I feel like this is so huge because like if I feel like a client is not getting what they need from me, I will tell them like, you might be a better fit for somebody else. I'm not gonna hold onto them. I'm not seeing them like as a dollar sign. I want a hundred percent, like what's best for my client.

If that's not me, I'm okay with that. Mm-hmm. . 

[00:38:17] Jess: Absolutely. Yeah. Um, the other is being a strong communicator. Mm-hmm. , you know, most of the people that come. They need help with communication. If you're therapist. Can't communicate with you, right? Right. You want someone who can communicate. 

[00:38:31] Randi: Yeah. Um, they take the time to educate themselves, so your therapist or counselor or psychologist or whoever you're talking to, they are not gonna know every single thing all the time.

That's humanly impossible. And we can't put people up on pedestals like that, but they will take the time to find out the information. If they're a good therapist, like I will always do extra research for my clients and I will usually say like, Hey, hold on. Let me find out that information. You know, if I can, I will.

[00:39:05] Jess: Yeah. And part of what we also do is we have what we call CEUs. Mm-hmm. , you know, every year we do continuing education 

[00:39:12] Randi: year. Yeah. And we have to, yeah. Keep our education on the up and up. 

[00:39:16] Jess: The other thing is they check in with you mm-hmm. , right? They wanna see how are you feeling? How are you doing? Is this helping you?

Right. Are you getting your needs met? 

[00:39:25] Randi: Yeah. And I think that goes along with part of like, you know, the treatment plan and checking in on like goals and things like that. Mm-hmm. to make sure like you're moving forward in your progress. You 

[00:39:35] Jess: view them as like part of your journey? They're with you as 

[00:39:39] Randi: part of it.

Yeah. So they're an ally. They're a support system. Mm-hmm. , they're like a part of that foundation that you're building, you know, on your mental health wellness journey. 

[00:39:50] Jess: And that's actually, I guess as, as a therapist, that is the coolest thing. Mm-hmm. is that I get to be part of this journey with them. Right.

I'm not doing their work. They are. 

[00:40:01] Randi: Yeah. And it's hard. Yeah. Totally. Work. It's 

[00:40:03] Jess: hard. Yeah. But it is so cool. Be able to see the progress and to see the work and just 

[00:40:09] Randi: that it's my favorite. Like I say, like I push my clients out of the nest and a lot of times they're not ready to go and I'm like, You're ready?

And to see that they. Are truly ready to take on these things that they've learned and they're growing and you're like, You can do this. We've 

[00:40:26] Jess: earned their trust. Mm-hmm. , you know it, a lot of these people come without trust. They learn. They can say things with to us mm-hmm. without us looking at 'em. 

[00:40:35] Randi: Crazy.

Well, yeah, a lot of people and clients, you know, in therapy have had their trust abused and broken and mm-hmm. don't believe, you know, in that system. And that's very hard, you know, as us as therapist to work against that. But it's so amazing when they can trust you and then they learn to trust themselves too.

More importantly. Right. I always 

[00:40:57] Jess: joke, I've got this great wrinkle in the middle of my forehead. Yeah. . And I always say, I just say what I'm thinking cuz you can read me anyway. Mm-hmm. . So I'm just gonna tell you what's on my mind. Yeah. And it's a very open, honest call. Oh yeah. I always 

[00:41:11] Randi: say like, I'm not, uh, the therapist for everybody because I'm no bullshit.

And I'm gonna tell you even if it's gonna be hard to hear, and you might not like that, but it's what you. So . Yeah. I'm 

[00:41:24] Jess: not gonna sit there and just nod my head and ask 

[00:41:26] Randi: him how you feel, right? Yeah. I'm not gonna be that therapist and some people need the other type of placating. I'm not that type because I am gonna kind of push you to grow and you might find out you're just not ready for that.

And that's fine because then it's like, okay, you need to pause this and this isn't the time and the place to dig into this, but when you're ready to do the work 

[00:41:48] Jess: well, and it's also our job as a therapist to, the big piece is to bring you back, The way I describe it is we're unpacking your master closet.

And Randy, I've seen your master closet right. And so if I was to go through Randy and take all of your shoes and 

[00:42:05] Randi: clothes. Oh, clothes whore, and a shoes whore. So good luck, . Right? 

[00:42:09] Jess: If I took all that crap out, laid it across your bedroom, put it all over your bedroom floor. Yeah. And then said, Okay, I'll come back and see you in two weeks.

No, it was, Leave it. It'll be all over the floor. Well, yeah, exactly. Well, yeah. Yeah. And then you'd be stepping on it. You don't know where to sleep. Yeah. And. Our job as a therapist is to kind of guide you through that and know when it's okay to take it all out. Mm-hmm. and how to put it back in and how to put 

[00:42:32] Randi: it back, you know, so that it's more organized and accessible.

I live that analogy. Yeah. It's like I had to have an organizer come in and help me with my 

[00:42:39] Jess: clothes. Well, and just like with that, I always do piles, right? Think about toss. Don't know keep. Mm-hmm. . So 

[00:42:46] Randi: that's, so thinking about that in the mental health, like what do I need to toss, What do I need to keep, What am I holding onto and why?

Yeah. And why, Yeah. And how is that benefiting me and stuff like that. 

[00:42:57] Jess: And so that's what's great. Mental health is, Yeah. All right. So let's talk about shitty therapists, because in that same example I was just giving, I know so many people who have. Yeah, they basically emptied out the closet and left it there, and then I had to go and start this major new project and I just didn't, I mean, they just pulled out way too 

[00:43:15] Randi: much too fast.

Yeah. And that kinda is what made me wanna be a therapist is because like when I was struggling so much and trying to figure out like what was going on, like I was just being told it's just this, but like not giving in any resources or help. Mm-hmm. or real guidance when I went to see. Counselors and I just felt like this is useless.

Like why am I going to these people? Why am I gonna try, you know, to understand myself and feeling even more alone in it and really believing, you know, that there was gonna be like some good out there and, and eventually I would find the right therapist. But yeah, there's a lot of shitty therapists and they can be unreliable.

[00:43:57] Jess: Oh my gosh, yes. If your therapist is showing up late to your session all the time with their Starbucks coffee , that right there is telling you they have their own issues with time management. Right? 

[00:44:10] Randi: Um, or they're like unethical. You're questioning like their ethics. I'm not saying they're not allowed to be, you know, a.

A real person because obviously we're tearing down that layer and showing you guys, but they're the ones that 

are 

[00:44:21] Jess: doing the cocaine and doing and showing up, you know, falling down in the street. Right. Right. That's very 

[00:44:26] Randi: unethical. You feel like they're judging you. Yeah. There's, Or they're talking about other people that they're judging, like that's not a very good sign.

[00:44:35] Jess: Yeah. Judgemental. Even if you feel judged, you should work through that with them. Mm-hmm. . Yeah, but judgemental as they're saying, you're. Yeah, 

[00:44:43] Randi: there's a difference when you feel like they're judging you, cuz you should be like, bring that up in communication and be like, I'm feeling this kind of resistance from you, you judge.

And they could be like, Oh no, like this is what I mean. It could be as simple as that. If you talk about it. It's good to work through that if you're feeling judged, because that can be very one sided if you don't ask, Are you judging me? Like I'm not feeling we're connecting right here. That might just be miscommunication, but if they are actually saying those words to you like you're a bad person and like you really fuck this up, I mean that can be said with love and not judgment.

That's something that could be like a big red flag, 

[00:45:24] Jess: and that could be something as simple as your values. You're okay with sex before marriage? But maybe your therapist is very religious and doesn't believe in it. Right? And 

[00:45:37] Randi: they're pushing that on you and you, 

[00:45:38] Jess: you're like, Eh, that's not really my thing.

That's 

[00:45:41] Randi: theirs. Yeah. So you need to make sure that your therapist is, I would say like aware and culturally sensitive and open to different thoughts and ways if that's something that you're struggling with and going to therapy. Right, And, 

[00:45:54] Jess: and again, not being culturally sensitive, it doesn't mean it, it means just straight up, you know, if you've got some racist therapists right.

And you're like, Wait, I don't understand all of the cultures exactly. But I'm definitely down to say, you know, explain to me what that is like. Right. 

[00:46:09] Randi: Explain to me. Yes. If somebody's coming from a different place culturally, I will always say, What does that look like, you know, for you or your family? Like, what does this mean?

So I can understand like where you're coming from. Mm-hmm. , I wanna know, like I will do more research on it, you know, same thing if it's somebody that's struggling sexual things and stuff like that, or relationships and I'm like, Tell me what that looks like for you. Mm-hmm. tell me. You know what you're feeling like, Where can I support you in this if you don't feel like I have a good grasp on it, to make sure that they can really help you through those 

[00:46:47] Jess: things.

Somebody who can't help you. If I have somebody that shows up and that's not. Something I've ever worked with and it's not something I'm comfortable with. Right. I can't help them because I don't even know how to start with it. Right, 

[00:47:01] Randi: Right. Yeah, because a therapist have triggers too, or they have things that are out of their scope.

And a good therapist will tell you, I don't, and a lot 

[00:47:10] Jess: of what does out of scope mean? Cuz we say that a lot. But what does that mean 

[00:47:14] Randi: for, It means like you don't have the education, the research or the background in. Or you just have not practiced in that area, Don't have the knowledge. Right. Like for me, I will say I do not see children because I have children and because I feel very passionately about children.

I've worked with children a lot. I would bring every hurt children home when I was working, you know, with foster care. So it's like, um, I cannot be. Nonjudgmental in that field. So that's why I choose not to practice it, because I cannot stay emotionally apart from it. 

[00:47:51] Jess: That's why I don't do couples. Yeah.

Cause I, I, I wanna be like, No dude, I totally see that you are or you are the problem. So that's why I don't do couples. 

[00:47:58] Randi: Yeah. So people can be upset. I won't see children, but. That's part of me being a good therapist. Mm-hmm. is saying like, I cannot be objective about this. My heart would be too involved and I, And you're putting your boundaries.

Right. And that's a boundary for me. But like some therapists will be like, Yeah, yeah, I can handle that. And it's not something that they can handle because it's like not all therapists are versed and like schizophrenia, not all therapists. Verse and like postpartum, like not, you know, there's like so many areas.

So you wanna be like, is this something in your wheelhouse, scope, whatever you wanna call it, that you have background and education on. And that's why a lot of us do focus on specific areas. Like I focus on trauma, I focus on grief, I focus on, you know, women's issues. And like same with Jess. Like she focuses on postpartum and anxiety and anxiety.

Late diagnosis, ADHD, and stuff like that. Women, women, women that have those issues. Like that's what we have the most experience in 

[00:48:57] Jess: and really the most desire. Mm-hmm. . And that's the other thing too, is that that is really something. And you know, sometimes I get women that I'm like, Oh, you found the right therapist.

I totally work in da, da, da, da. And they get so excited to the point where they can be in tears. Mm-hmm. . Cause they're like, I have been looking for somebody who understands this. Right. So it's pretty 

[00:49:17] Randi: cool. Yeah. And it's important to search for that. And I feel like, And if you just don't feel like that person's a good fit, it's okay to move on.

Just be like, I don't feel like we're a good fit. Like Yeah. You don't have to hold on to a therapist. Don't wanna feel like the therapist sees you like as a dollar sign. I felt that before. Um, you 

[00:49:33] Jess: know, and you don't have to worry about hurting their feelings. I mean, you don't have to be a dick, but you don't have to worry about hurting their feelings.

No. Because it's not about them. This is about you. 

[00:49:43] Randi: Yeah. It's your journey. Yeah. Being too pushy. Yeah, sometimes a therapist can just push you too hard when you're just not in a place to do it, and I think that's why communication with your therapist is important and for them to be aware and sensitive to like where you're at.

Because there can be times when you know like, this is not the day to push on this issue. They're not ready for. And us using, you know, our clinical judgment and skills to assess that all the time. Like maybe we need to pull back on this issue. And sometimes, um, when you barrel through stuff, it can cause more harm than good.

[00:50:18] Jess: If I had one that says you have to do hot yoga, you have to do hot yoga, you have to do hot yoga. I'm not doing hot yoga. Right? Like there's not way it. I'm sure it's great. Mm. But it sounds hot, Sounds 

[00:50:30] Randi: awful. Sounds like swamp ass. So I'm gonna pass on that. , right? 

[00:50:34] Jess: I'm gonna pass. I'm gonna pass. 

[00:50:35] Randi: But yeah, I mean, if they're just like, This is it.

And you're like, But that's not for me. And they're like, Well, too bad. Just do that. You know's. 

[00:50:43] Jess: So sad. You're like, 

[00:50:44] Randi: No. Right. Or a therapist is like, you need to do emdr. And that's. It's a different type of therapy. Usually use it in trauma, but it's not for everybody. It doesn't work for everybody. Nope. It can be hugely triggering for some people, and I, I try to explain this to people that will often come to me and be like, I wanna do it.

And I'm like, I will not. Do it for everybody. It can backfire and a lot of people don't understand how heavy it is to walk through trauma sometimes. Mm-hmm. , they think like, I'll just do this and it'll fix it all. Now when you walk through those things, it brings everything to the surface. 

[00:51:18] Jess: It's like undoing your closet.

Right? Imagine your entire closet basically throwing up on your floor. Yeah. 

[00:51:24] Randi: It's being aware of like walking through a volcano rupture and like trying to. Not be on fire. Like not be on fire. Yeah. But you're on fire. And I mean, just think of your worst traumatic thing and trying to walk through it again and again and again.

And I'm like, this is not for everybody. Like some people need to piece it out and that's okay. And so for somebody that's pushing things on you is another big red flag. The 

[00:51:48] Jess: other one that gets me is when they're too passive. 

[00:51:52] Randi: Oh yeah. A little bit too. Like whatever. 

[00:51:55] Jess: Yeah. And they're sitting there going, Hmm.

How does that make you. Over another. How does that make you feel? Right. How does that make you feel? And so those, you want someone who's going to meet you, push and pull, Encourage. Yeah. Allow for, be able to read you mm-hmm. , all of that, right? Yeah. You want a therapist. I mean, most importantly, you want somebody who you're gonna, you feel comfortable with and that you can build rapport with.

Mm. 

[00:52:21] Randi: Yeah, because it's like some days, like a good therapist will know like, this is just a day. You need event and talk, and it's not gonna be a deep day. And then some days they'll be like, Okay, now it's time to get to work. We're gonna dive into this, you know, you're ready for this. Finding somebody that, like you said, meets you in that.

In the middle of the road where you 

[00:52:38] Jess: need to be. And here's the hard note. If you ever have a therapist ever who makes you feel uncomfortable sexually? Mm-hmm. , who touches you? Who makes sexual advances on you? Who stares at your boobs the whole time? Yeah. No. Who wants to talk more about your sex life and what you like when you're not even there for that?

Those are things. That's a no. That's a hard no. Get up. Leave. You don't even need to explain yourself. No, just 

[00:53:11] Randi: walk out. Walk out. It's nobody's business but your own to protect yourself and file a complaint with the board. I mean, really, 

[00:53:17] Jess: truly, We have flyers that say no sex with. Clients kind of thing. It it, it is a, it is a child.

[00:53:24] Randi: No, unfortunately there's a lot of shitty therapists out there and just like in the world with any type, you know, there's a lot of shitty everything. And you have to be aware, and that's why we're talking about it. You know how to protect yourself. 

[00:53:35] Jess: Yeah. I remember reading the California chapter over there, they would put out like what people did mm-hmm.

and to lose their license. Right. And I remember one of 'em that stuck with me was this therapist took advantage of his. Had sex in a relationship with her, got her pregnant, and then had to co-parent with her. I was like, How traumatic is all of that? 

[00:53:58] Randi: Yeah. Somebody that you gave like your trust to and stuff.

Right. 

[00:54:01] Jess: And then you gotta deal with all this. Oh my gosh. Okay, so let's talk about, Sorry, sidetracked squirrel. Let's talk about how to get help. Okay. Because this is the biggest piece that most people don't know 

[00:54:13] Randi: how to. If you have insurance, usually on the back of your card there's a number and you can call them and they'll give you resources and the names of therapists or psychiatrists or whoever it is that you're trying to reach for help, um, that you can call and contact and.

That can be kind of intimidating because usually do you have to go down a list and call and email people and not a lot of people, you know, might have availability. And it can be hard when you're struggling with mental health. So it might be good to like ask like a friend mm-hmm. to like, can you help me go through this list?

Or like your partner, like, I've had to do that too. Like even with all of my coping skills, I've said like, I can't deal with this right now. Can you make some phone calls for me? If you don't have insurance, you know, you can reach out to the state if you need. You know, mental healthcare or there's usually like agencies and stuff for like women or go on psychology today.com.

Um, has a lot of things and you can look for therapists that have like sliding scale, which is like they can offer, you know, cash payment options and things like that. 

[00:55:14] Jess: Yeah. And going back. . I tell people too, usually your insurance company will have a website. Mm-hmm. , you can look up. If you can't get through, call the customer service and ask them for help.

Mm-hmm. , a lot of times very common that I will get, cuz I take insurance. Mm-hmm. that I will get insurance companies calling me saying, Hey, do you have room for this? Mm-hmm. . Right? Like, I have one insurance company, this woman that does postpartum. She knows that that's what I do and. Hey Jess, do you have any room?

Right? And I'm like, For you? Of course I do. Yes, of course I do for your people. She's like, Okay, good. I was like, Just make sure they use your name so I know who to accept. You're 

[00:55:53] Randi: right, yeah. They can like email you like a list of like, you know, who's available and things like that. So they call. 

[00:55:58] Jess: Yeah. I mean, sometimes they do their own calls or emails.

Mm-hmm. . And then on Psychology Today, you can do all of the searching on the top if you go on there. Mm-hmm. , it's a really cool thing. Um, you can click the different buttons that you're looking for to help 

[00:56:12] Randi: narrow it down. Yeah. If you wanna see a woman, if you wanna see a man, if you're. Looking for somebody that's in telehealth or not, or like a specific, you know, area if they do specialize 

[00:56:21] Jess: in addiction or adhd, 

[00:56:23] Randi: right?

Or you can click the different things you want and it'll take you for the different therapists that are available in those areas. 

[00:56:29] Jess: And then even with that, I tell people to create an e email. Be very specific. I'm looking for therapy if you need only certain times or days. Mm-hmm. evenings or mornings or weekends.

Put that in there. What your availability is. Yeah. What your insurance is. And then basically email a bunch of 

[00:56:49] Randi: people. Yeah. And that helps because a lot of us too are overwhelmed with clients and a lot of us manage our own front office, and so things can get lost through that. Not intentionally, but like just said.

Yeah. That's great to just make an email that lays it all out. Yep. So that they can look at it real quick and be like, Oh yes, I do have availability for. In this area. Perfect. And they can get back to you if no, they can be like, No, like this isn't gonna work. And so you can get into somebody a little bit faster.

And 

[00:57:20] Jess: don't be offended if somebody hasn't called you back. No. I think most of us, we try, we mean to call back. Cause sometimes I can get 20 calls a day. Right? 20 

[00:57:31] Randi: emails. And so emails, calls. 

[00:57:34] Jess: It can be a lot. And so we try to get back to who we can. And so sometimes that's why the more information that you put out there, it's easier.

So we know how to get ahold of you as 

[00:57:44] Randi: well. Yeah. Or ask somebody you trust if they have like a referral for you to somebody that they like or they've heard of or ask like your local mom's group or Yeah, support group or whoever. Like, have you seen somebody for this? And like what do you think of them?

And. That's good. Great too. Word of mouth is 

[00:58:03] Jess: huge. And I'll just be honest, Therapists are not like restaurants yet. The Yelp is not the same. I mean, I gotta be honest. Well, yeah. Cause 

[00:58:12] Randi: you see everybody for different things, so it's like you're not always gonna be able to be everybody's favorite, but 

[00:58:17] Jess: yeah.

Well it's not even that. Let's be real. Most people will not. Admit they're going to therapy, they're not gonna yell, they're not gonna give you a review. Who's gonna give you the review? Is the person who never even saw you, and they're gonna leave you a review because you didn't call them back, you know, once, two years ago.

Right, Right. And the funny thing is, as therapists, we can't respond to a good, a bad, indifferent review. Mm-hmm. , we can't even acknowledge somebody is or isn't a client. Right. Right. So you're like, it's not like at a restaurant where they can be like, This person never showed up. It's better to go by friends.

Go by kind of what you feel, read what you like about 'em. Um, ask your insurance for help. 

[00:59:00] Randi: Yeah. Talk to the therapist and yeah. Get a feel. 

[00:59:04] Jess: Set up an appointment. Yeah, do an intake in there. 

[00:59:07] Randi: Yeah. See if you like them. Mm-hmm. , don't make it harder than it needs to be. And we hope we have cleared up some of.

ABCs of mental health and breaking it down. And even though it seems so basic, it's really kind of overwhelming when you put it together and talk about, yeah, they're probably going, Oh my gosh, why did you guys talk about that ? But we hope that we have helped you guys on your journey and, um, understanding, and we'll talk to you guys soon.

All right. 

[00:59:33] Jess: See you later. 1, 2, 

[00:59:35] Randi: 3, 4. Thanks for listening and normalizing mental health with us. Don't 

[00:59:40] Jess: forget to check out our free resources and favorites on our website, unapologetically randy and jess.com, 

[00:59:46] Randi: like and share this episode, and tune in next week.