Welcome to the Community
Empowering Our Daughters to Advocate for Their Bodies: Mental Health and Boundaries
Empowering Our Daughters to Advocate for Their Bodies: Ment…
In this empowering episode of "Empowering Our Daughters to Advocate for Their Bodies: Mental Health and Boundaries," join licensed psychoth…
Choose your favorite podcast player
July 12, 2023

Empowering Our Daughters to Advocate for Their Bodies: Mental Health and Boundaries

 In this empowering episode of "Empowering Our Daughters to Advocate for Their Bodies: Mental Health and Boundaries," join licensed psychotherapists Randi Owsley and Jessica Bullwinkle as they provide invaluable insights and practical tips for parents on encouraging girls' interests, developing life skills, and fostering mental resilience. This episode is a must-listen for women aged 25-55 seeking mental health resources, coping skills, and self-care strategies.

In our podcast episode, "Empowering Our Daughters: Mental Health and Boundaries," we dive into crucial topics such as supportive parenting, girls' education, gender equality, and overcoming gender stereotypes. Join us as we explore empowering strategies to advocate for girls' safety, encourage their interests and hobbies, and develop essential life skills. Discover the tools and coping skills you can use to foster their well-being, while also finding resources to effectively manage their mental health. This episode provides invaluable insights and guidance for parents, mentors, and anyone invested in empowering our daughters to thrive.

In our upcoming podcasts, we'll tackle numerous critical topics related to women's mental health, advocacy, and empowerment. We'll provide practical guidance and resources for parents to advocate for their daughters' mental health, break the stigma surrounding daughters' mental health, and support the nurturing of a positive mental health environment. Our episodes will also cover raising mentally resilient daughters, promoting mental health awareness, and offering support to girls struggling with their mental health. Overall, we aim to empower women by fostering an environment of wellness and supporting their mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

 Frequently Asked Questions about Empowering Daughters through Mental Health: Q: Why is it important to focus on empowering daughters through mental health?
Q: How can parents encourage their daughters to develop healthy coping skills?
Q: What are some practical ways parents can promote self-esteem and body positivity in their daughters?
Q: How can parents support their daughters in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries?
Q: What are some strategies to help daughters cope with stress and pressure?
Q: How can parents encourage their daughters to pursue their interests and passions?
Q: How can parents foster resilience in their daughters?


Support the show

Stay Connected! Instagram | Facebook | Website + Resources

Women's Mental Health Podcast, created by licensed psychotherapists Randi Owsley MSW and Jessica Bullwinkle LMFT, offers resources for those navigating mental health. This podcast or social media are not psychotherapy, a replacement for a therapeutic relationship, or substitute for mental health care. All thoughts expressed are for educational and entertainment purposes, no psychotherapeutic relationship exists by virtue of listening, commenting, or engaging. Our platform could contain affiliate links, which if used, might earn us a small commission at no extra cost to you.

Women's Wellness, Mental Health Resources, Mental Health Issues + Diagnosis, ADHD in Women, Anxiety & Depression, Relationships, Motherhood, Stress Management, Self-Care, Self-Love & Empowerment, Personal Growth, Work-Life Balance, Mindfulness & Meditation













Find Resources

Shop Books, Journals and Resources

If this episode resonated with you, we warmly welcome you to explore more empowering conversations on the Women's Mental Health Podcast. Each episode is designed to connect, educate, and uplift our strong and resilient listeners, just like you.

Together, we grow, learn, and empower one another. Together, we break stigmas.

#Empowerment, #MentalHealth, #BreakTheStigma

Transcript
Jess:

Welcome to the Women's Mental Health Podcast with Randi and Jess to licensed psychotherapists, where we talk about women's mental health, wellbeing, and strategies for coping with life's challenges and how it's all normal.

Randi:

You are in the right place.

Jess:

All right, so today's podcast, we're gonna dive into a topic that is crucial for parents and caregivers on how to help our daughters and sons advocate for their bodies.

Randi:

So we're gonna explore the importance of teaching young girls to advocate for their bodies and provide. Practical strategies, tips, for parents and caregivers to support them in this journey And talk about it

Jess:

by promoting Body positivity, fostering open communication, educating on consent and boundaries, and encouraging self-care. We can empower our daughters and our sons to develop a strong sense of body autonomy and self-worth.

Randi:

and by equipping them with these skills, we are contributing to their overall wellbeing, their mental health. Their emotional health, their physical health, by helping them navigate, pressures that they feel from society or friends and they will be more confident and more resilient.

Jess:

Mm-hmm. So Find us and more resources on women's mental health podcast.com.

Randi:

So Have you ever had these thoughts?

Jess:

How do I talk to my daughter about her body without giving her a complex?

Randi:

I think I did such a good job not talking about my weight or my body issues in front of my daughter. now I don't even know how to talk about it. Sometimes we don't talk about it at all because we're fearful of talking about it.

Jess:

So how do I talk about weight and health and sex with my kids?

Randi:

When is a good time to bring up talking about their bodies?

Jess:

right?? I'm afraid to talk about her body and make herself conscious,

Randi:

or make her feel uncomfortable, or make myself feel uncomfortable. And so how do I help her advocate or him advocate for their bodies and their needs as a young child or young woman or young girl?

Jess:

It is so important. I'm gonna talk about a story real quick. We had gone to the doctor. Without too many details. Well, There was a young doctor. And I've always advocated for her to talk, it's her body, and I said, Hey, can I take a look? And I was asking her and he said, yeah, sure. And so I looked at him and I said, no, I'm asking her because it's her body.

Randi:

yeah, Can I look at it to, and can he

Jess:

to. Yeah. Yeah. And I needed to make sure it was, what was going on.. And she said, yes, mom. And you could see the wheel spinning in his head.

Randi:

because I think doctors just go full force.

Jess:

so, a few months later we had to go back for something similar. As my daughter says, growing up sucks. And then at the end of it, he came up to her and he said, Hey, I'm sorry that I'm the only one on staff today. I know being a male and, and, and dealing with this can be a little difficult. And she looked at him and said, oh, well thank you, but no problem. We understand it's medical. So then as we're walking out, she looks at me and goes mom, mom, he heard you. Yeah. He heard you. And I said, yes, he did hear me. And you know what? He is now. We have changed the way he's the way

Randi:

way

Jess:

thinking and communicating and communicating with young women forever.

Randi:

and all that took was five seconds of you being like, Hey, no, this is how. And him being like, oh

Jess:

Yeah. And I said, I'm not asking you, I'm asking her cuz it's her body. And I was really direct about it and he was like, whoa, I wasn't rude, but I was like mm, you missed it. This is

Randi:

Yeah. you missed it. And then oh, maybe You're right. This is the way that it should be. And that is, What we talk about when we're talking about challenging these societal norms. Things that we think should be quote unquote normal Society and social media makes young girls have unrealistic beauty standards and question themselves about their body, and they feel pressure, or like you said, you feel pressured just to be like,, even I feel like as an older woman, at the doctor, like you're just supposed to listen to them and take what they say at value. And not question it, or not say like, Hey, these are my boundaries about my body or what I want and I don't want, like with medical gaslighting no, use your voice and we need to teach our girls how to do

Jess:

that. And as parents, it's really, really, it's powerful. We need to empower our kiddos to talk about it, to stand up, to put those boundaries and give them the tools, And to help other people if we can change. One or two people out there. With that,, now we have changed. Just like I said in that one story, we have made such a change. So, let's talk about promoting body positivity, cuz that's the first part. Encouraging a healthy body image and self-acceptance. Right? Yeah.

Randi:

How do we do

Jess:

It's crucial to encourage it for ourselves and for our daughters. And I'll keep saying our daughters and sons I'm focusing on my daughter cuz that's what I'm raising right now. But like, how do we do that?

Randi:

So we need to celebrate our uniqueness with ourselves and loving ourselves and giving ourselves self-care. And when we. Show an example too, of celebrating ourselves and loving ourselves. We are teaching them to love themselves as they are too, and challenging other beliefs or pressures around what is beautiful and what is okay to do with your body. And so that's through encouraging positive self-talk and that. Leads to positive self-esteem and celebrating diversity and differences. We have really curly hair, in my family, and I've always been like I, my mom didn't have curly hair and so she didn't know what to do with my curly hair. And so I always felt like I didn't fit in. I always wanted my hair straight and I wear my hair straight most of the time, even now because of that, because I felt like I didn't fit in and it wasn't. Celebrated. It was more like, oh my god, Randy and her curly hair. It's so hard to cut. It's always a mess. It's always naughty. And I have never done that with my daughter. And we always, perfect hair.

Jess:

hair. Super long, super

Randi:

Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Yeah. Curly hair. But I've taught her how to care for it, how beautiful it is for her, not like beauty standards, but for her to feel like comfortable in it. That it's part of who she is and she should love it and she loves that she has curly hair and that she's different than everybody else and she doesn't ever wanna mess with that. And it, that's so empowering for me to see her that I was able to give that to her and help her see that it was a good thing.

Jess:

And that's having that open communication with kids, Sometimes as parents, they ask you a question. Mine will ask me a question or show me something. I'm like, oh, is that what we're doing now? Okay, cool. I'm just gonna roll with it because I didn't realize we were there.

Randi:

Well, And so thus, you've created a safe and non-judging and environment that's open for that communication and that discussion so that she does feel comfortable talking to you about it. And then you can be like, Hey, this is what. We should do, or maybe you could try doing this and let's think about this. And so she feels like she has that control over her body and is capable of making those important

Jess:

Yeah. I don't think I mean, I'll be honest, I don't think I would show my mom the body parts that my daughter has shown me. Right? And like I hear My friends, they've had to walk their daughters how to put in a tampon, And by walk through, they actually helped them do it. And I was like wait, wait, you put a tampon in your daughter? She was like, She was like, it was an emergency. I had to do it and I had to do it. And I was like, I would've. Never have done that. Ever. And you know, that's just the thing is that I think because we are now creating better conversations and open communications with our kids, That they feel more comfortable.

Randi:

Mm-hmm. And with this comes active listening. Mm-hmm. Being a listener is so important and validating how they are feeling. Oh.

Jess:

if you don't know how to validate stuff, listen to our podcast on validation. Mm-hmm. Because sometimes you don't have to agree with it. Actually, no. All times you don't have to agree with it, but you can still validate it. Or even if you're like, I don't even know what to do, there are some really great statements. Mm-hmm. And again, like mine going, oh, is that what we're doing? Okay, cool. Let's, Let's keep going.

Randi:

And through this, when we have that ability to communicate, we can educate our daughters on consent over their bodies and boundaries.

Jess:

Oh, my daughter did that the other day. I said something and she says, mom, I'm putting forth my boundaries. I was like, my little therapist, heart is p Did a little pity Pat. Yeah. I was like, Ooh, I'm proud of you, girl. All right.

Randi:

But it's crucial because I mean, I can't, I'm not even gonna drop like the numbers that are atrocious for women being sexually abused. Mm-hmm. and raped. And so women and our daughters need to know that their bodies belong to them and they have the right to say no.

Jess:

They do. And you know what? And I, And I say, you can say no even if you thought you wanted to, let's say, trigger warning for women here, right? But You can You can change your mind. You can be completely naked and then be like, yeah, I don't wanna do this. Right? You can say no even after you start and be like, oh, I don't actually want to do this. Yes. And so that is the difference, is having them have that conversation. Cuz a lot of women are like, I'm already here. I'm just gonna do it and get it over with cuz I don't wanna make a big deal. And you're like, no,

Randi:

what happened my first time. Yeah, you, I was like, no. Got really uncomfortable. And I was like, maybe not. And then I was like, oh, well I didn't know boundaries. I didn't know self-worth, I didn't know, consent or anything like that. It wasn't a thing that was talked about. And so it was like, oh well. just do it because it's being done. And instead of being like, this is uncomfortable, this is wrong. I don't want this right now. I changed my mind and making I, I felt like I was gonna be an be an inconvenience uh, and fuck that. Yeah. Was that an inconvenience to give my virginity to somebody that I didn't feel right in my body? No.

Jess:

No, and it

Randi:

Right.. But that's what that kind of mentality leads to.

Jess:

Actually they're showing that kids are having less sex now than when we were younger, and they're also showing that kids are getting married younger again. Yeah. Than when we were younger. Because they're, they have, they're being taught better, I don't wanna say better values, like we had poor values. Right.. But they're being taught to take care of themselves better. And so the other thing is discuss like healthy relationships and what those red flags are. Because what you're just. Talking about is a red flag. And that can be in a friendship or even in

Randi:

relationship, right? Yeah. And we talk about that all the time with friends and with boyfriends and things like that. What is healthy, what is unhealthy? And I tell my daughter all the time because I love those bad boys, and I did a lot of toxic douche bags. I was like, so red flag here? Red. It's like, here, your mom didn't pay attention to any of this. Don't do this. No. But I just tell her my experience and how it made me feel and. How it changed the trajectory of my life.

Jess:

Mm-hmm. And I do the choose people who choose you. Mm-hmm. I've done that before with my daughter where I was like, does this friend choose you? Are they choosing you? Choose people who choose you. Mm-hmm. And, And really, I heard her this last week telling her own friend. Well, Would they do that for you? Are you doing

Randi:

something

Jess:

for them that they would do for you? Yeah. they'll

Randi:

all go mini therapist.

Jess:

they didn't do that for you, then

Randi:

How are you Well, Jess and I both have daughters, but we both have sons too. So understand both sides of the coin. But especially in high school, it can be really hard for girls. They can get like really like mean girl and cliquey and stuff like that. And when you have taught them boundaries about. Their bodies and their emotions, they're able to walk away from those unhealthy relationships that might drag them down so much easier. I watched my daughter do that in high school. She's gonna be a senior now, but this was her sophomore year from a friend she had for almost like five years. Mm-hmm. And say, no, I'm not. You're disrespecting me. You're disrespecting other. Friends in our circle and it's not okay that you're, the way you're treating us, other people nor yourself. And I'm done.

Jess:

Yeah. I had asked my daughter the other day, I said, do you think it was about one of her friends? Do you think he's on spectrum? Mm-hmm. And my daughter said, her response to me does, does deadpan right at me and looked at me and goes, I don't know. I've never asked him. Cuz that's not my place to ask him.

Randi:

Mm. she put you back in your place, right? She totally did. And I was like, no. Sometimes my daughter will call me all my bullshit like that too. Cause yeah, I mean we grew up in the eighties and nineties and I'll say stuff that is not I. politically, correct. it's not okay to say, and she'll be like, mom. And I'm like, oh my God, you're right. I can't believe I like let that slip out. That was so wrong of me to say but we're human but you know, I own it and we move on. But that she is also confident enough to that I've taught her too, that it's not okay and she's like, Hey, and holds me up to a higher standard.

Jess:

And I just said, thank you. I said thank you. And so what you were just talking about a minute ago with your daughter and the mean girl was like really encouraging these healthy habits and making sure that they know what that is,

Randi:

And the importance of their mental wellbeing. Mm-hmm. And like you said, choose the, choose people who choose you. She was like thinking like, is this this is like stressing me out. There was all this drama and she was like, I don't want any part of this. So it's like that also taught her problem solving and conflict resolution and so she was able to be assertive about what she was and wasn't confident and not feel too, like she didn't have any worth if she walked away from this friendship or this relationship.

Jess:

Yeah. And we talk, we're talking about healthy habits in our house. I'm always yelling, did you eat your protein? Mm-hmm. Did you eat your protein? Because carbs are the first to go, right? I'm like no, no. Are you hungry? Are you thirsty? We were somewhere this last week and all three of us were hangry, and the the waitress was like, how are you? I'm like, we're hangry.

Randi:

Yeah. So

Jess:

was like, putting it out there. Just putting that out there. Yeah. Will be much better in 20 minutes. Yeah.

Randi:

And,

Jess:

And she was like, okay, I hear you. Right. And so part of it is, okay, did we eat our protein? Did we take care of ourselves? And that day we did not necessarily, cuz it took too long

Randi:

to where we And I talk about that a lot too with my daughter because I didn't find out until I was after I was 30 that I had P C O S and it was affecting my health and my fertility and things like that. And I didn't even know, like basically how to like track my cycle or things like that till I learned much later that affected all these things. And I started realizing like how much of my moods. My body and my aches and my pains and stuff came from my hormonal cycle. And it's so I've been able to teach her too, from a young age about her body, her cycle. She has really bad migraines and things, and we've been able to pinpoint like what triggers it, what she needs, what she can do, how she can cope around this. Mm-hmm. So that her life is more, and she's not frustrated with things that are happening, but she can handle them and face what is happening and deal with it.

Jess:

So now let's talk about teaching them problem solving, conflict resolution, Mm-hmm. Because I mean, that's kind of what you're talking about is teaching'em, right? We want to build resilient and assertive young daughters. And what's that joke? I'm, I'm building a future ceo, I just need to get. Through the teenage years to do

Randi:

it. I don't even know.

Jess:

Oh my gosh. But like, how do we do that? How do we help'em navigate all

Randi:

this? if my, daughter has an issue with like friends or school or like she needs to talk to a teacher or something. We will sit down and be like, okay, what could this conversation look like? What could you say? What should you not say? Like maybe how could you approach this person? Like we're always like, text message is not best, how might this person react if you say this? Are you prepared? If this happens, having realistic expectations about. What could happen and kind of laying that all out so she can kind of see it and map it out.

Jess:

Yeah. So she's not going uh, I don't know.

Randi:

Being kinda like choose your own adventure, but like she knows, she knows kind of like, well, it could go this way or could go this way. But being prepared right. Allows you I mean, it sounds like silly, but that's again, just comes down to having that conversation. You don't even have to be like, Hey, you're. Eleanor over there, and I'm Nancy over here and let's talk like this and I'm upset about this and I'm upset. It could just be like, okay, well let's look at the pros and cons of doing this. And it can be, like you said, that windshield time, you're sitting in the car driving somewhere talking about it. What would this look like? What could you say?

Jess:

So I also have these cards, we went through the first one, I got this new set of cards for teens. Mm-hmm. We recently, recently went on vacation. I took'em, I broke'em up into two sets and when we go to restaurants, I'd pull out these cards and you would think that these teenagers wouldn't want to do this.

Randi:

No. But oh my I think it kinda like, uh, takes pressure off of it too. Yeah. Like also as a parent and as a kid, because you're gamifying it like, sorry. I also work in social media, so that's something that like a lot of companies do. They gamify things like on apps and stuff, but they make things into a game because. Our kids generation, they've grown up gaming and on their phones. Mm-hmm. And so when you kind of take like the pressure off something and they see it as something like fun or like a game or something a little bit different, it engages them on a different level. And so I think that's why something like that too, like cards and things like that. And then she's also comes to be like, oh, mom's got her cards. Like she knows what to expect and that

Jess:

Yeah, like one of'em. Yeah. One of the cards, there's three, three of us there. One of the cards was like something simple like at what age should a girl get her ear pierced? Mm-hmm. At what age is it okay for a girl to date? At what age? And there are all these different conversations and sometimes they didn't know, but one, one of the three of us would give an answer. Mm-hmm. And be like, okay. Or like one of'em was what would you change about your family? And she was like well, I don't know. Because she was like, Ugh,

Randi:

but then it just makes them think about stuff too. You don't have to have an answer for everything. And this leads to encouraging them when you're having that conversation like that and you're like validating oh, it's okay if you don't know, or, yeah, it's okay if you said this age or you said this age. You are encouraging them to speak up about what they think, what they need or if they need support. Like things like that. That all leads into that. And I always tell my daughter too, like you need to say, What you need. You need to talk to people. Don't let people railroad you. Don't let people push you in a corner like don't, whether it's school or friends or relationships. Say what you need. Open your mouth and speak it, because other people too aren't mind readers.

Jess:

know. It's so funny. Our daughters are very different. They're both neurodivergent. Mm-hmm. They're both extremely intelligent.

Randi:

Yes.

Jess:

One of'em is really quiet. One of'em is not. And it's so funny because one of'em they're both people pleasers though. Mm-hmm. And so because of that one doesn't say much and the other one will be like, no, don't do that. Yeah. That's not what we're going to do. And so it's just an, it's an interesting having girls that are different there. Right. But we both teach'em how to do it and we try to model positive behavior. And

Randi:

that was me. Like she. Because my daughter is so quiet and I guess I'm gonna call her out. Okay. But she, as at first, like she's, she's just very, we weary, we're very like stoic at first until we know people. I have modeled being empowered and using my voice and because my mom was very like an advocate for herself. I also saw that nobody ever advocated for her. And so it's very important for me that I advocate for myself and my kids and my husband, whoever it is that needs it. And they see that behavior that you do not let somebody stand alone and what they're going through. And I mean, of course I'm a therapist, so that makes sense that that's like the core of who I am, but mm-hmm. If she didn't know how to use her voice now and feel comfortable and know that I would also too support her like in what she has to say. And it's been really frustrating too, because we have a, a, an iep, no, a 5 0 4 for her migraines and her anxiety and, It's very, very hard to navigate with the school. They make us feel like it's not, even though it's a legally binding document, they try to push us around with it and we're like, no. And she's learned to stand up. These are the things you have to follow my document. Cuz I'm like, you're gonna be 18 in a year. So you have to learn to hold people to what is. Correct. For you and what is legally binding as well,

Jess:

and then meanwhile, my very outspoken child is like that according to my 5 0 4, this is what I can do. exactly.

Randi:

Do

Jess:

need my mother to call you to let you

Randi:

know? And so, but I had to do, I had to be like, this is your 5 0 4, this is what they can and cannot. You need to be like this and this and email and the teacher or do this and you have to learn to use your voice.

Jess:

Yeah, You do. The other thing is women as moms, we have to learn to lead by example with our own body positivity. Not toxic positivity, but also self care. Like we really need to model this behavior and it doesn't mean going and like getting facials and doing all the expensive stuff. Mm-hmm. But it also means being accepting of ourselves. Having healthy boundaries with ourselves, our kids.

Randi:

With our relationships

Jess:

and good self-care practices. Mm-hmm. And those are things like putting on a face mask at night if you need to. We talk about these things.

Randi:

Yeah. It doesn't

Jess:

have to be huge.

Randi:

My daughter sees me like, read a book. Yes. And to pause for that or I love getting massages like you don't have to do things, but like, even if you just were like to take yourself to a coffee shop or whatever or taking time to journal, whatever that looks like for you, that she sees that I'm just not. Giving and Giving and giving and never getting my cup refilled too. Also that I hold her dad to a standard where he needs to support me in that too and he has learned to be a partner and be like check in are you getting self-care? What do you need to like, or mom needs a night away, like at a hotel.

Jess:

Okay avoid making negative comments about your own body or

Randi:

Which is really hard to do.

Jess:

but listen to about other people. Stop talking shit about other women and front of your daughters. That's really what it is, is like I tell my, my daughter if, if these women are talking shit about somebody who isn't here, that means when you are not there, they're gonna be talking shit about you. Mm-hmm. And I'm talking about her friends. Yeah. And other people. And yeah, we kind of joke, but like I gotta say, if you can't say this in front of them right then don't say it, man. Yeah. Don't say it.

Randi:

I can

Jess:

make fun of Randy being late all the

Randi:

time. Oh yeah. She'll I mean, Jess will say whatever shit to my face and that's fine because I would rather, a real friend will say anything to your face and not behind your back and you own it. You think like with your friends too, like they're just that way with everybody else. They don't talk like about me like that, and it's like wrong. I learned that the hard way women. So,

Jess:

And Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. And the other part is let's address the media influence and social media influence, right? What we see on there.

Randi:

It's

Jess:

porn. Porn is not real.

Randi:

Right? That is not real. Social media is not real. We talk about that. It's a highlight. Real. It's a part of it. It's not reality. These things. You need to have those open conversations.

Jess:

Exactly. And because part of it is that it, it really portrays our bodies and, and the way that we should or we think, right the way we think our houses should be the way we think our relationship should be. And so part of this is that most people don't put out there what's really going on. So we cannot base our life on other people's reels or other people's moments that they choose to share with us. Cuz that isn't. Healthy. I think one of the things I wanna do better at is supporting her well and me in more community involvement. Yeah. And that's what I'm working with our dogs with right. Is I want to do our therapy dogs so she and I can take them to take them out to help others. Yeah. People who may not have that support. Mm-hmm. Because sometimes we, we live in our own bubble.

Randi:

Yeah. And I, I always say my best therapy is helping other people. And I love doing philanthropic things because I find that usually when I'm helping somebody else, they're actually helping me so much more. It takes you

Jess:

out You're really good

Randi:

at that. Yeah. You really are.

Jess:

You are

Randi:

so good. It takes you out of. Your selfishness. Mm-hmm. And your bubble and your little world. And it places you in somebody else's world. And there you have a bigger understanding of what the real world is. And it puts things in perspective.

Jess:

It really does. And, and, and, Randy is so good at getting the women in our community together and doing something like that for a family or for other people

Randi:

When you connect girls and women and stuff with their community, they're able to see that. Modeled behavior, they're able to maybe find a support system, they're a mentor, whatever that looks like. And those things lead to more positivity and more self-awareness and less self-consciousness about where you're at

Jess:

well, and when you did, you did a big uh, Christmas thing last year for a family. Mm-hmm. And I had my daughter go with to wrap. And she was like rah, rah ra the whole way there. And you know what? She wrapped and she sat there and wrapped and it was a, it was a long night wrapping a bunch of gifts. But when we left, she said, mom, that felt really good. She was like, it felt really good to wrap gifts for people who were not going to be able to get them.

Randi:

Mm-hmm.

Jess:

And I was like, exactly.

Randi:

It made her pause and Think about somebody else beside herself. Mm-hmm. And then, but then she was infused with, wow. Look at what I did and I could help somebody. And maybe like then she could do her own thing. You don't know what that impact is gonna have down the road, how it's gonna help somebody else, maybe years from now or 10 years from now or tomorrow.

Jess:

Well, And it was so cool cuz she got to see all these women spread out across Randy's house. Wrapping presents and engaging

Randi:

and, it was a bunch of different women too that normally probably wouldn't have come together. Nope. That aren't friends. But we felt like a common bond over helping other people and taking ourselves out of our current situation to help other people in need when you look at your daughters and you teach them about a whole body care approach for consent and boundaries, it just opens up a whole world for them where they can be more resilient and be their true, authentic selves, and you don't have to wait until they're a teenager. You don't have to wait until they're a teenager. This can start too when they're really young, like even with my young son, like we started reading a book about. Body consent and like my body, like this is my body. We'll put'em up on the website and stuff too. There are tons of kids books that can help you through this if you don't even know like where to start to talk about self-awareness with their body and body consent and body positivity.

Jess:

And if you don't know where to start, the first place you start is ask them.

Randi:

Mm-hmm.

Jess:

And that's what I tell women, they're like, I know how to start. Just say, tell your daughter, I don't know how to start, but I wanna start this conversation with you. I'm just gonna talk. And not be afraid of it. And just to really be open about it. Yeah. And if you are not, if you don't know how to do it find a positive role model

Randi:

a can help or a therapist or anybody that can kind of help guide you a book, a therapist, a friend like you said. And cuz when you foster this environment with your kids and your daughter, you are empowering them to advocate for themselves and their body. You are giving them a leg up that they might not. Ever have if you don't have that conversation. And this could protect them from a world of hurt out there.

Jess:

Oh, it could. It could So protect them and have them be aware of the different things that go on. It's really important to remember that empowering our daughters is an ongoing process. We have to encourage and provide support and reinforcement and an open dialogue as they grow and face these new challenges. And it's As they're facing them, we are facing them too.

Randi:

And not only, I feel is it important for us to do this for our own kids, but for women as a whole, for the generations to come. My sister has three little girls and I sometimes have these conversations with her like, Watch what you're saying or what you're doing because you have three girls and I only had to raise one. You have to raise three. And I'm like, holy shit. But I'm like, I have been through a lot of this already. So I say like, when you say things like this or maybe do this, This might take them down this path or this might look like this to them. Like you're, you might not see the big picture right now, but I feel like I have a duty too to like my nieces and other women in the world to model this and be a voice so that they have a voice and they can be more self-confident and they're not. In situations that might lead them to be hurt or vulnerable or taken advantage of. And they can instead celebrate who they are and celebrate their bodies and be confident and move forward in the world. As a light

Jess:

and mamas, I'm just gonna tell you, I, we are not trying to put pressure on you. No, I I We know

Randi:

is fucking hard as shit,

Jess:

I constantly joke that no matter how perfect of a parent or how good you think you're doing, you are always giving something for your child to go talk to a future therapist about. Right. So, So please, it doesn't matter what you are

Randi:

yeah.

Jess:

Just try to do your

Randi:

best as long as you're trying, I just tell my daughter like, I try so I am like messing you up a little bit less than I was like, but you're still gonna have trauma, so. Right.

Jess:

And you know, we're joking about it ha ha. But I'm like, I'm sure I'm screwing her up. Something, Something

Randi:

I'm doing is, is there's there's no perfect, we're never gonna be. A perfect parent. We're never gonna be a perfect role model. We're never gonna be. But if in your heart of hearts like you are trying and that's what matters the

Jess:

most. Yeah. Having good in like the good intentions and having the open dialogue and really being a safe place for them to talk

Randi:

is really what we want. My, my kids can never say that. I at least didn't try my hardest.

Jess:

Exactly. So really we want to empower our daughters. We want to advocate for them and for their bodies, We wanna put them on a path towards their self-confidence and resilience in this positive, not toxic positivity, right? But positive self image, Um, Yeah. and, And really to know that. As parents, we can help them get

Randi:

Mm-hmm. And we hope that you found these insights and these strategies valuable. And just remember, by empowering our daughters to advocate for their bodies, we are setting them up for a lifetime of self-love. Self-worth, good mental health and resilience.

Jess:

All right, so join us next time as we delve into strategies for coping with life's challenges

Randi:

until then, keep empowering and uplifting yourselves and your daughters.

Jess:

All right, guys. Talk to you later.