Art of Flipping the Script...For Your Mental Health

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Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.

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I'm randy.

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I'm And I'm Jess.

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And we are two licensed psychotherapists, and this is a safe space where we talk about mental health, well being, and strategies for coping with life's challenges.

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And how all of this is normal, and you are not alone.

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Today we're diving into a skill that doesn't get talked about enough, but can be a game changer in social, professional, and even personal situations.

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The art of flipping the script, or how to change the subjects with grace and confidence.

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So when we talk about flipping the script, it's about preserving your mental health and respecting other people.

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It's a powerful tool in your communication toolbox that allows you to navigate conversations with finesse while safeguarding your emotional and mental well being.

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So if you can learn to embrace this skill.

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You're gonna watch your interpersonal relationships, whether it's at home or, with people at work, your mental health needs are going to be successful.

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Find us and more information on womensmentalhealthpodcast.com

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com.

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We're going to jump into our have you ever had these thoughts.

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What does flipping the script mean in a conversation?

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Why is it important to change the subject gracefully?

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How can I change the subject without offending the other person?

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And this is huge.

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What are some signs that I should change the conversation topic?

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Are there examples or phrases to use when flipping the script?

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And honestly, as therapists, we have them.

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Yes.

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What if someone keeps bringing the conversation back to the uncomfortable topic or something you don't want to talk about?

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How can flipping the script be beneficial in the professional setting?

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Are there any situations where it's better not to change the subject?

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How can I practice the skill of flipping the script?

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And what should I do if my attempts to change the subject fail?

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Ooh, that's a good one.

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So first, let's talk about what does flipping the script actually

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So flipping the script is essentially the art of redirecting a conversation or sometimes diffusing a conversation.

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It's about knowing when and how to change the subject in a way that feels natural and respectful.

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This skill, it is not gaslighting.

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It is.

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It is none of those.

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negative kind of connotation.

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You're not trying to

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control the narrative.

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Correct.

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You're just trying to, maybe, gently move from something that is negative.

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It's maybe the person can't read the room or, they're going into a territory that's triggering for you or something else.

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So it's redirecting.

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Exactly.

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And this is a skill that's useful when that conversation starts to feel uncomfortable or invasive or unproductive, whether it's steering away from gossip or deflecting unwanted personal questions.

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Because people do that.

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And you're like

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yeah, what do I say?

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How do I react?

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Yeah,

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exactly.

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Or shifting the focus in a heated discussion.

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Flipping the script is going to allow you to, control of the narrative in a sense, but it's going to actually allow you to diffuse it.

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So you are not going to have to go down somebody else's path or a path that may not be very comfortable or easy.

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It could be dangerous for you.

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This topic came up because somebody was telling me they had gotten home late, they were in an Uber at I don't know, midnight, and somebody was talking and then all of a sudden they said some really uncomfortable things and they were like, Oh, here I am by myself with this dude.

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And they were like, I don't know what to do.

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And I was like, okay, that's when you have to diffuse it or change it or shift it back.

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You got to flip the narrative or flip the script on that one.

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And that way it goes back to being comfortable.

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And this saying comes from storytelling and film.

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filmmaking where flipping the script refers to a sudden change in the direction or perspective of the story.

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So in conversations, it's like hitting the refresh button or like the do over button.

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I like that you're rewriting the narrative in real time, you're guiding the dialogue in a way that feels more aligned with your needs or values, or a more positive flow.

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It's like imagining you're at, the dinner table with a relative that asked that uncomfortable question of, so have you finally got a job?

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Yeah.

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And you're just like, or do

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you finally have a boyfriend?

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Why aren't you married?

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Why aren't you

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married?

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Where are your kids?

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Do you own a house?

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And you're just like these are uncomfortable.

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So as women, it affects us because we often feel the need to be polite, Say nice things, avoid conflict.

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Even if we endure uncomfortable conversations, we're expected to do that for the sake of harmony, peacemaking, which is bullshit.

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Yeah, I'm rolling my eyes because when you do that, you're just taking that on and that can lead to stress that can lead to resentment that can lead to feelings like you don't have a voice and that you're oppressed in certain situations.

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And when you learn how to flip the script, it really empowers you to set boundaries with it.

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out confrontation because usually if you're having a hard time with this already, you're not like wanting to jump right into the deep end of the pool of confrontation with somebody.

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So this really helps you protect yourself and your bubble and your mental and emotional well being.

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Exactly.

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And this is going to help you with your confidence when you do have an awkward conversation.

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If you have the tools to gracefully redirect a conversation, it can make you feel like you're more in control of yourself, not everybody else, but of yourself, whether, again, you're at a family gathering, a work meeting, or you're on that weird, awkward date that somebody's asking you stuff and you're just like how do I answer this?

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How can we all embrace this skill and make it part of our everyday lives?

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Let's break it down.

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First, we have to practice the art of redirection.

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We need to use phrases such as, Oh, that's interesting, but have you ever thought about blank?

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Or, I was just thinking about.

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And that can go ahead and transition the conversation away from whatever they're talking about.

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Another way is to acknowledge and then redirect.

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So you could say, I hear you, but I'm curious what you think about this and lead into a different answer.

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topic, so you can be like, I still want to know your thoughts, but let's talk about thoughts about this that are good thoughts.

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Well, it's not even that I want to hear, I want to hear your thoughts is I hear what you're saying, however, and then you can change the subject, right?

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The otherwise is normalizing.

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your boundary setting.

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You know us in boundaries.

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We love our boundaries boundaries.

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In fact, we have a friend who has Randy going boundaries, bitch, as her ringtone, which I think is hilarious.

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Okay, so it is okay to say no.

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I know we haven't said that in a long time, but it is okay to say no if you are uncomfortable something.

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It's not rude to say, I'm not sure I don't want to talk about that.

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No is a complete sentence.

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I know.

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And that's, look at me, I couldn't even do it.

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I know.

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She's like cringing over there.

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And I'm like, why are you cringing?

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I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

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One of the things I do a lot of times, I also say, why do you ask?

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And then if somebody says it, redirects it back on them.

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So it puts a spotlight, they're trying to maybe spotlight you or make you feel uncomfortable and you're putting that back on them.

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Why do you ask?

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And if they tell me, I was just wondering, okay, cool.

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And then I move on with the conversation.

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So I've never answered them.

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And they could ask again, I could like, Hmm, then that's when I'm like, well, I'm not sure I want to answer that.

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I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that or that's not something I really want to talk about right now, if you want to be direct.

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It is okay that we don't have to respond to everything.

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I know we feel as women we have to answer to everything.

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But silence or redirection is a healthy choice.

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Yeah, and I also feel like silence can be an answer too.

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Oh, not

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saying something is still saying something.

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Yeah, Another step is to show support for others that are practicing flipping the script.

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So how do we do that?

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Mm hmm Validate their choices, if someone is changing the subject respect their shift and sometimes Randy will do something and I'm like I hear what you're saying, and I appreciate your boundary Because I'm like, I see what you're doing, I like it, and I got it.

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also too, when you practice this yourself, it encourages others to do the same without fear or judgment.

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And Jess and I are also like, okay, when we hear your boundary, we see it, okay, that's good.

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And I need to do that too.

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I'm not doing this right now.

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It's a good reminder.

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Yeah.

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When you practice it, other people see it.

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And that inspires them to do it,

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especially if you're going to practice it in what I would call like a low pressure situation where you can practice this.

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So that way, the more we do it, when we do get that marathon of, Oh crap, I have to redirect this.

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Yeah.

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When you are in a super stressful situation or with somebody, that is going to antagonize you.

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It just feels more comfortable because it rolls off your tongue and it's been practiced.

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Let's go through some scenarios here.

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Cause basically.

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People like when we actually banter back and forth.

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Yeah, and

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role play.

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What could happen?

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So okay, let's say that there is some gossip going around.

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So if someone is gossiping, you can say, I'm not sure about that.

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But speaking of work, did you see that new project?

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Oh, I like that.

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So instead

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of like the water cooler talk, maybe like a redirect that you're not gonna engage in that gossip about the other person.

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Yeah.

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Or you can say, I haven't heard that.

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Hmm.

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Let's go to lunch.

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Another is when, oh, my favorite unsolicited advice.

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My God.

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Do you know how many people I get giving me advice as a woman who does woodworking?

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Like seriously, somebody the other day was telling me.

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Really?

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Make it stop.

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They were telling me that, well, you put your hair up, right?

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Because you would hate to get your hair caught in a machine.

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Motherfuckers, have you not seen me do, I, I post videos and my hair is a hot mess and top of my head.

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I cut the little, I wear hoodies, but I cut the little strings because I don't need those going into the woodworking machines and strangling myself.

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Anyway, that's my, I'll go back to my, okay, anyway, let's go back.

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When somebody offers unsolicited advice.

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Try.

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Thanks for the input.

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I'll think about it.

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By the way, have you tried the new coffee shop?

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sometimes I will.

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I'll be like, okay, cool.

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Thanks.

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And then, I'll think about it or I'll give it a try and I move on because I'm like, whatever they're trying to help, but I don't want to encourage it by ooh, tell me more because I don't want to hear more.

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Yeah, and I had to learn this very quickly, having a larger social media following.

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that people were going to try to tell me, things or say things on my video about my life.

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I had to be like, okay thanks.

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And I'll take that in consideration.

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Or Yeah, maybe I'll try that.

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And I just, Left it at that.

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Let them just let them be, let them do their thing.

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My personal favorite was the one that got mad at you because you were talking about savings and you had your car in your ring and you're like, how do you think I got this by getting my savings?

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My God.

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All right, let's do scenario number three.

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Let's do personal questions.

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Ready?

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Okay.

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So if someone asks something that's too personal, you can say, Oh, that's a long story, but tell me, how's your new job going?

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Or how's your new hobby going?

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Or how's your new relationship?

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Yeah, that's where you go, Ooh, that's complicated.

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And then you just move on.

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Yeah, I don't have time to go into that right now.

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But thanks for asking.

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No, don't even say thanks.

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Don't even say thanks for asking, because then they're going to ask again.

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And Right?

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this is another boundary that you're going to put up so you can still say things like, well, why do you ask?

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Again, that's that, why do you ask?

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Redirect.

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Yeah.

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Hmm.

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That's interesting.

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Okay, so let's go through and do our have you ever thoughts.

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Randy, what does flipping the script mean in a conversation?

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It refers to the skill of changing the direction of a discussion or topic of conversation tactfully and smoothly.

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This can help steer conversations away from triggers or uncomfortable subjects and towards more positive or neutral ground.

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Jess, why do you think it's important to change the subject with tact and gracefully?

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If we can do it gracefully, it helps maintain really healthy boundaries and positive interactions.

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When we become negative, it just makes it feel awkward and everybody gets weird and they think there's this bad thing behind it.

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It really just allows you to protect your mental space without seeming rude or disinterested.

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It's going to help your relationships.

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Because these are going to be about mutual respect and understanding again.

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Let's go back to, the political divide.

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I don't need to know what side you're on.

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You don't need to know what side I am.

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And, I've even been there.

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My, my daughter actually called me out in the car.

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I don't know if I've said this before.

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We're with a friend of hers there in the car.

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And I was like, so what does that flag at your house mean?

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And I didn't know, but my daughter goes, Mom, you're not allowed to ask that stuff anymore.

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You've been put in time out.

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I

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got put in, I was like, you are probably right.

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I'm going to not ask that question.

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Well, I got into a huge thing with my sister.

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She will not discuss politics with me.

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And I'm like, you are a woman and you should do this and you should.

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And I was like, whatever.

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Let them.

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I was like, okay, you.

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But she put a boundary up with you.

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She did.

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And you didn't like it.

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I did not like it.

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I was like, I'm your big sister and we don't have, you can't tell me no.

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But she told you no, but the way she did it, she could have done it with more grace that says, that's not something I'm comfortable talking about with you.

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I think she was just blunt and says, I'm not telling you.

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Well, she was like, I don't talk about dad with it.

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I don't talk about you.

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I don't talk about any issues.

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Like it's my, and I was like, Oh, she kept her boundaries with you.

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I was like, for once, I was like, all right, fine.

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And then I let it go because I was like, whatever that's something that she feels strongly about.

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And probably because I wouldn't like her answer.

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Probably not.

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So then Randy, I'm going to ask you, how can I change the subject without offending the other person then?

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So begin by acknowledging that what.

00:14:01.464 --> 00:14:06.303
was said before, and then smoothly transition to a different topic.

00:14:06.303 --> 00:14:10.063
So you might say, I appreciate your points on that topic.

00:14:10.344 --> 00:14:11.504
Have you heard about

00:14:11.933 --> 00:14:12.384
blank,

00:14:12.504 --> 00:14:15.364
This shows that you were listening.

00:14:15.528 --> 00:14:18.408
But then you're guiding the conversation elsewhere.

00:14:18.458 --> 00:14:19.089
Oh, I like that.

00:14:19.109 --> 00:14:21.219
Because you're not dismissing what they said.

00:14:21.308 --> 00:14:22.188
You hear them.

00:14:22.219 --> 00:14:23.524
You're just not engaging with it.

00:14:23.524 --> 00:14:23.649
You're

00:14:23.649 --> 00:14:26.798
validating that you were actively listening.

00:14:26.808 --> 00:14:27.139
Yeah.

00:14:27.178 --> 00:14:28.629
But now you're validating.

00:14:28.639 --> 00:14:30.379
Let's move on to a new topic.

00:14:30.408 --> 00:14:30.889
Exactly.

00:14:30.899 --> 00:14:31.369
So Jess,

00:14:31.379 --> 00:14:34.698
what are some signs that you should change the conversation?

00:14:35.418 --> 00:14:37.479
When you feel uncomfortable.

00:14:37.509 --> 00:14:39.729
I know as women, we get this.

00:14:39.759 --> 00:14:40.698
Okay, I get this.

00:14:40.729 --> 00:14:43.198
I know most of y'all get this, this gut feeling.

00:14:43.788 --> 00:14:45.629
When you get that gut feeling.

00:14:45.793 --> 00:14:48.244
I want you to listen to it.

00:14:48.333 --> 00:15:05.923
I don't, we're not going to go into the deep dives of what that is or where it is, but when you feel uncomfortable or stressed or notice that others seem disengaged or upset, these are clear cues that changing the subject might be best for everybody there and involved.

00:15:06.073 --> 00:15:06.254
Yeah.

00:15:06.293 --> 00:15:06.923
Read the room.

00:15:07.043 --> 00:15:07.884
Read the room.

00:15:07.953 --> 00:15:09.104
Trust your instincts.

00:15:09.134 --> 00:15:12.943
They're really, really powerful indicators of what is going on.

00:15:12.943 --> 00:15:13.264
Okay.

00:15:13.333 --> 00:15:20.344
And again, if you can't change the subject and you're so uncomfortable, literally change your body position and say, or

00:15:20.344 --> 00:15:21.394
get up and leave the room.

00:15:21.403 --> 00:15:21.864
Exactly.

00:15:21.864 --> 00:15:24.041
I was gonna say, I have to go use the restroom.

00:15:24.051 --> 00:15:25.010
I'll be right back.

00:15:25.370 --> 00:15:27.061
Go to the restroom, not even just

00:15:27.211 --> 00:15:27.961
by, well,

00:15:28.990 --> 00:15:31.811
sometimes you're with like your boss and you're like, you gotta get back.

00:15:31.811 --> 00:15:35.081
So you're like, I'm going to use the restroom, I'll be right back or I'm going to get a glass of water.

00:15:35.201 --> 00:15:40.895
But if you're like in an uncomfortable situation, like on a date or something like that, get up, get up and leave.

00:15:40.916 --> 00:15:41.466
Like you don't.

00:15:41.635 --> 00:15:43.796
Oh, anybody, anything.

00:15:43.846 --> 00:15:50.558
No, but if you're with family and it's awkward, and you're like, Oh, we're all stuck in this house because it's snowing outside.

00:15:50.568 --> 00:15:52.019
Be like, I'm going to use the restroom.

00:15:52.019 --> 00:15:52.568
I'll be right back.

00:15:53.048 --> 00:15:54.089
And that's what I teach people.

00:15:54.178 --> 00:15:55.938
Literally get up and leave and come back.

00:15:55.958 --> 00:15:58.448
And if they're still on that damn subject, try to change it again.

00:15:58.818 --> 00:16:02.759
And if not, be like, Oh, you know what, I just remembered mom wanted something and get up and leave.

00:16:03.308 --> 00:16:06.469
And don't let people gaslight you either.

00:16:06.551 --> 00:16:13.880
Or make you feel bad for doing that and he said we're stuck in a house with snow that literally happened to me I was stuck in a cabin.

00:16:14.010 --> 00:16:14.980
I imagined a cabin.

00:16:15.010 --> 00:16:39.254
We were snowed in in yosemite and Somebody made a comment that was very very upsetting to me So I got up and I left and I went to the bedroom and then they started throwing a fit like I was being like a diva and I said I literally got up and left because I didn't want to engage in this and because It's so heavy on my heart right now what has just happened and that you're talking about.

00:16:39.283 --> 00:16:41.504
And I didn't want to feed into that.

00:16:41.514 --> 00:16:42.884
I didn't want to create more drama.

00:16:42.894 --> 00:16:45.764
I wasn't being dramatic by leaving.

00:16:45.884 --> 00:16:53.841
I said I was setting a boundary by leaving and giving myself some space to calm down because I didn't want to engage in that comment that you made.

00:16:54.041 --> 00:16:57.541
this is the part where we do it with Grace when you say, you know what, I'll be back.

00:16:57.571 --> 00:16:58.341
I'm going to go.

00:16:58.400 --> 00:16:59.441
I'm going to go lay down for a minute.

00:16:59.480 --> 00:17:00.770
I've got a little bit of a headache.

00:17:00.875 --> 00:17:03.166
Or I just, I need to go get something out of the other room.

00:17:03.456 --> 00:17:06.415
You don't have to lie about a headache, sometimes I just,

00:17:06.435 --> 00:17:07.236
I need a minute.

00:17:07.316 --> 00:17:07.625
Yeah.

00:17:07.645 --> 00:17:08.155
I'll, you know what?

00:17:08.155 --> 00:17:08.705
I'll be right back.

00:17:08.705 --> 00:17:09.266
I need a minute.

00:17:09.439 --> 00:17:10.288
Whatever that means.

00:17:10.288 --> 00:17:14.598
If you don't want to engage with them, it is okay to excuse yourself.

00:17:14.909 --> 00:17:15.608
It's also okay.

00:17:15.608 --> 00:17:17.719
What Randy did just to be like, I left now.

00:17:17.973 --> 00:17:22.423
Maybe she was being a diva because she was throwing her arms up and waving her feather boa.

00:17:22.683 --> 00:17:22.844
Yeah.

00:17:22.844 --> 00:17:24.662
And she was like, I'm out of here.

00:17:24.662 --> 00:17:25.933
I put a crown on and stomped out.

00:17:25.933 --> 00:17:26.743
Well, I couldn't really go.

00:17:26.743 --> 00:17:29.364
And she threw herself on her bed like Scarlett O'Hara.

00:17:29.374 --> 00:17:33.784
Okay, that's a diva and I can't imagine her doing that, but hey, well, maybe she did.

00:17:34.134 --> 00:17:34.463
Okay.

00:17:34.483 --> 00:17:38.810
So Randy, can you give me some examples of flipping the script?

00:17:38.830 --> 00:17:39.961
What phrases I can use?

00:17:40.020 --> 00:17:40.351
Okay.

00:17:40.351 --> 00:17:46.830
So speaking of which it reminds me of, or speaking of which that reminds me of.

00:17:47.155 --> 00:17:52.226
Or, that's a very interesting point, but I've been really excited to talk about this.

00:17:52.776 --> 00:17:58.945
I see where you're coming from, but also have you considered or have you thought dot dot dot?

00:17:59.465 --> 00:18:01.326
Or let's table this for now.

00:18:01.625 --> 00:18:03.016
I was curious about

00:18:03.259 --> 00:18:03.578
Blank.

00:18:03.588 --> 00:18:04.828
Yeah, I like that last one.

00:18:05.019 --> 00:18:05.476
I like that.

00:18:05.476 --> 00:18:08.048
Can we table this or can we put this, is it couch it?

00:18:08.209 --> 00:18:08.628
Is it couch it?

00:18:08.628 --> 00:18:09.159
Pause.

00:18:09.388 --> 00:18:11.519
I would say let's pause this, like now.

00:18:11.548 --> 00:18:11.868
Couch it?

00:18:12.028 --> 00:18:12.999
I don't know if I, is

00:18:12.999 --> 00:18:13.325
that the right phrase?

00:18:13.325 --> 00:18:13.989
Maybe it is table it.

00:18:14.048 --> 00:18:14.269
I don't know.

00:18:14.269 --> 00:18:14.788
Table it.

00:18:14.848 --> 00:18:15.432
Let's table it.

00:18:15.432 --> 00:18:15.461
Well,

00:18:15.461 --> 00:18:16.672
but I thought we could put like couch.

00:18:16.692 --> 00:18:17.291
No, it is.

00:18:17.291 --> 00:18:17.701
Yeah.

00:18:17.832 --> 00:18:19.112
I want to add a couch to it apparently.

00:18:20.112 --> 00:18:21.402
I need to lay on a couch right now.

00:18:21.632 --> 00:18:28.217
Okay, Jess, what if someone brings The conversation back to that topic again, and it's just so uncomfortable.

00:18:28.217 --> 00:18:29.576
They will, they won't let it go,

00:18:29.606 --> 00:18:29.916
right?

00:18:29.916 --> 00:18:30.737
Because you've already left.

00:18:30.737 --> 00:18:31.396
You've already peed.

00:18:31.396 --> 00:18:32.307
You've already got water.

00:18:32.646 --> 00:18:34.747
You've already said you had a headache.

00:18:34.757 --> 00:18:36.076
You've already found your mother.

00:18:36.086 --> 00:18:36.366
Okay.

00:18:36.797 --> 00:18:38.807
So I want you to remain firm and gentle.

00:18:38.836 --> 00:18:42.477
You can say something like, I think we've covered that quite extensively.

00:18:42.507 --> 00:18:44.787
I'd really like to focus on blank for now.

00:18:45.076 --> 00:18:52.010
Setting boundaries is key to your mental wellness, Honestly, when you can set these boundaries, I've got a friend, she's on her HOA meeting.

00:18:52.060 --> 00:18:53.951
She's so damn good at this.

00:18:54.151 --> 00:18:56.691
I sat there and watched her because I've never seen her at work.

00:18:56.941 --> 00:19:04.151
I know what she does, but I only know her I see her when she comes, sounds creepy now, I see her when she comes home all dressed up because she lives across the street.

00:19:04.361 --> 00:19:04.490
Yeah.

00:19:04.540 --> 00:19:07.651
But anyway, I always see her like in sweats and t shirts and whatever else.

00:19:07.730 --> 00:19:18.580
Literally pulled out the professional thing in the middle of this HOA meeting and said, you know what let's maybe she said Let's table that for now Let's hold off on that right now and let's let's redirect back to this and whatever and I was just like boom

00:19:18.580 --> 00:19:19.820
boom boom boom Boom, huh?

00:19:20.050 --> 00:19:21.000
I was so impressed.

00:19:21.000 --> 00:19:21.891
I had to tell her later.

00:19:21.891 --> 00:19:24.540
I was like damn, that's good She's like I do this for a living.

00:19:24.701 --> 00:19:25.641
I was like, man, you're

00:19:25.671 --> 00:19:26.040
good.

00:19:26.040 --> 00:19:28.601
You're like you just totally boss, babe She did she

00:19:28.601 --> 00:19:34.340
did it So well, she set the boundary and she said, we'll talk about this later and gave it a later date.

00:19:34.634 --> 00:19:39.324
All right, Randy, how can flipping the script be beneficial in professional settings like this answer?

00:19:39.423 --> 00:19:39.713
Yeah.

00:19:39.953 --> 00:19:43.284
Because you are keeping the discussion productive.

00:19:43.284 --> 00:19:44.683
You're keeping it on track.

00:19:45.003 --> 00:19:50.253
You're keeping you know how there are people always say, that's another meeting that could have been an email.

00:19:50.273 --> 00:19:50.354
Yes.

00:19:50.739 --> 00:19:59.669
Because people just go on and on and on and on because a lot of people don't know how to redirect and keep people on tasks or read the

00:19:59.669 --> 00:19:59.959
room

00:19:59.969 --> 00:20:08.413
right and so This is like something that can be really beneficial, especially in the workplace, to keep things on track and going and moving.

00:20:08.663 --> 00:20:09.624
And it's really good too.

00:20:09.624 --> 00:20:17.124
And networking, it helps you make meaningful connections while avoiding, potential conflicts.

00:20:17.233 --> 00:20:17.743
Nice.

00:20:17.939 --> 00:20:18.269
Nice.

00:20:18.288 --> 00:20:21.919
And sometimes when you have a bunch of ADHDers, you have to be kept on track.

00:20:22.088 --> 00:20:22.608
Oh, yeah.

00:20:22.648 --> 00:20:28.898
Like Jess and I are always like, Hey, girl, you're going down a rabbit hole, rule it back in.

00:20:29.788 --> 00:20:31.868
Usually one of us is off.

00:20:33.388 --> 00:20:36.068
And the other one's trying to pull the other one in.

00:20:37.231 --> 00:20:42.761
Okay, Jess, are there any situations where it's better not to change the subject and just let it lie?

00:20:43.217 --> 00:20:44.247
I say yes.

00:20:44.626 --> 00:20:55.696
If it is a topic with a very significant emotional importance to someone else involved, it might be better to fully explore it unless it's going to cause you distress.

00:20:55.977 --> 00:21:00.017
It's that whole, if it's going to cause more harm than good, then no, don't do it.

00:21:00.346 --> 00:21:04.977
Sometimes active listening can really be more beneficial than diverting the conversation.

00:21:05.086 --> 00:21:05.376
Right.

00:21:05.376 --> 00:21:08.386
But you have to be in a place where you're ready to hear this.

00:21:08.406 --> 00:21:08.696
Yeah.

00:21:08.696 --> 00:21:14.916
You don't want to be constantly like avoiding somebody that's trying to have a Serious conversation with you.

00:21:14.916 --> 00:21:16.336
There's like a fine line there.

00:21:16.396 --> 00:21:23.836
If somebody's trying to broach a subject with you and you feel like you owe it to them to hear them out, then, actively listen.

00:21:23.836 --> 00:21:28.517
But if it's something that's triggering for you, definitely use the redirect techniques.

00:21:28.517 --> 00:21:29.416
Exactly.

00:21:29.915 --> 00:21:35.086
So how do we practice the skill of flipping the script or changing that conversation or direction?

00:21:35.135 --> 00:21:53.945
Practice with friends or family or just repeat, the sayings out to yourself and, work it into as Jess likes to call it, low stakes conversation or like low stress, like not jumping into the frying pan with somebody like you're ready to fight to the death with about, politics while you're in line for Starbucks.

00:21:53.986 --> 00:21:54.016
Okay.

00:21:54.076 --> 00:22:03.628
And also, I think it's very important to pay attention to people's body language and their verbal cues and half of, conversation is body language.

00:22:03.669 --> 00:22:07.949
And so you really need to kind of like pay attention to how the person is acting.

00:22:07.969 --> 00:22:16.038
And the more that you practice it, the more naturally it will come to you, especially in those needed situations.

00:22:16.219 --> 00:22:26.308
It's like those people, like when you're backing up and they keep getting close to you and you back up again and they're getting close to you and they don't get that you're trying to get out of their bubble or keep them out of yours.

00:22:26.848 --> 00:22:28.058
And we've all seen that.

00:22:28.058 --> 00:22:29.808
And you finally eventually have to say, Hey, hang on.

00:22:29.913 --> 00:22:32.144
I'm actually stepping back because I need a little bit more space.

00:22:32.584 --> 00:22:36.923
I've had to actually put my hand up and do that because I'm like, okay, you're going to corner me and then I'm going to flip.

00:22:37.044 --> 00:22:37.403
Yeah.

00:22:37.433 --> 00:22:38.179
I'm not going to flip the script.

00:22:38.179 --> 00:22:39.023
I'm like bubble boy.

00:22:39.074 --> 00:22:39.483
Do you see?

00:22:39.794 --> 00:22:41.013
I'm going to just flip.

00:22:41.743 --> 00:22:42.263
How funny.

00:22:43.163 --> 00:22:49.959
So Jess, what do you do if your attempts to change the subject or conversation has failed?

00:22:50.298 --> 00:22:56.848
Well, first I want you to acknowledge and be proud of yourself for trying, because this is part of just having the grace in it.

00:22:57.179 --> 00:22:58.378
Learning, growing.

00:22:58.439 --> 00:22:59.169
Exactly.

00:22:59.368 --> 00:23:02.229
You can try approaching the topic differently.

00:23:02.269 --> 00:23:11.138
If it doesn't work, you consider excusing yourself from the conversation if it becomes too uncomfortable, whatever it is that you need for those boundaries.

00:23:11.523 --> 00:23:15.483
If you need to be a diva because they're not hearing you, fine, that's great.

00:23:15.574 --> 00:23:16.864
I'm gonna make fun of her for a while now.

00:23:16.864 --> 00:23:17.814
And if

00:23:17.814 --> 00:23:19.314
they're offended, let them be offended.

00:23:19.723 --> 00:23:20.584
Exactly.

00:23:20.854 --> 00:23:28.544
So part of it is do what you need to do, and if that person continually wants to harass or talk about that subject, that's not somebody I necessarily want to hang out with.

00:23:29.193 --> 00:23:31.124
And I can literally say, I have to go now.

00:23:31.354 --> 00:23:38.483
I was with somebody, no, I was talking to somebody the other day, and they were like, yeah, this person was really rude, she was saying this and that, she goes, you know what, I just left.

00:23:39.503 --> 00:23:40.324
And I was like, cool.

00:23:40.413 --> 00:23:41.513
She goes, yep, I left the party.

00:23:41.594 --> 00:23:42.663
I was like, I don't need this.

00:23:42.703 --> 00:23:43.544
I don't want to deal with it.

00:23:43.544 --> 00:23:47.394
I don't want the drama, because it's not my friend, but you know what, I'm just gonna peace out.

00:23:47.413 --> 00:23:48.433
I don't need any of this crap.

00:23:48.534 --> 00:23:48.913
Yeah, exactly.

00:23:48.913 --> 00:23:50.084
And that is a literal fact.

00:23:50.269 --> 00:23:52.796
Boundary of not wanting to cause drama

00:23:53.226 --> 00:23:57.632
and learning to redirect, conversations is such a powerful tool.

00:23:57.786 --> 00:24:01.096
You can learn to reclaim your voice with this.

00:24:01.105 --> 00:24:03.465
You can learn to protect your mental health.

00:24:03.885 --> 00:24:08.311
You can learn to protect, your thoughts and your values.

00:24:08.509 --> 00:24:13.449
It gives you so much confidence, I feel too, when you can navigate conversations.

00:24:13.519 --> 00:24:14.048
Oh, yeah.

00:24:14.048 --> 00:24:21.259
That's why there's so many thousands of books about breathing and having conversations and, and how to have that conversation.

00:24:21.608 --> 00:24:22.969
And it is about practice.

00:24:22.969 --> 00:24:25.278
And unfortunately, we learn as we grow.

00:24:25.278 --> 00:24:27.659
So the older we get, the better we feel about it.

00:24:27.959 --> 00:24:34.233
I wish I had these skills when I was back in my 20s, we have them now and that's what matters is learning as you grow.

00:24:34.624 --> 00:24:38.794
And I feel like too that this is such a good form of self care.

00:24:38.804 --> 00:24:50.527
You wouldn't think, sometimes we think of all these frivolous things as self care, but learning to use your voice in a powerful way and empower yourself is a huge form of self care.

00:24:50.797 --> 00:24:51.376
It is.

00:24:51.376 --> 00:24:51.442
It is.

00:24:51.685 --> 00:24:53.965
So thanks for tuning in to today's episode.

00:24:53.976 --> 00:24:59.355
If this resonated with you, please share it with a friend who could use some tips on flipping the script.

00:24:59.635 --> 00:25:03.145
And as always, take care of yourselves and each other until next time.