Transcript
WEBVTT
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Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.
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I'm randy.
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I'm And I'm Jess.
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And we are two licensed psychotherapists, and this is a safe space where we talk about mental health, well being, and strategies for coping with life's challenges.
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And how all of this is normal, and you are not alone.
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We are thrilled to be diving into this topic right now.
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It's very relevant this time of year, worries over drinking too much during the holidays and how to cope.
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You can get through this holiday without having to do a dry
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January.
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We know that the holiday season can sometimes feel like a boozy minefield, and we want to give you the tools to navigate it with grace, self-care, and a splash of humor.
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as
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women, it's important for us to prioritize our mental health, self-care, and equip ourselves with the tools that we need to navigate this holiday season.
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You can find us and more mental health resources on women's mental health podcast.com.
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Okay, so have you ever had these
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thoughts?
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How can I avoid drinking too much during the holiday season?
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What are some
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healthy coping strategies to manage holiday stress without relying on alcohol?
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How can I handle social situations where everyone else is drinking?
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Heavily.
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Drinking heavily.
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Oh my goodness.
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Because sometimes you like...
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I mean, Most holiday parties are kind of like, woo! Right?
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What are some alternative drinks that I can enjoy during the holidays without alcohol?
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How do I cope and respond to judgment or pressure from others to drink during the holidays?
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Or anytime, really.
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Mm hmm.
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I find during the holidays, though, it's a little bit
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bigger.
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People feel very uncomfortable when you are not drinking.
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So I did not drink for two years.
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When I was losing weight and it was a very hard and people were like, why aren't you drinking?
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Can I get you a drink?
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Are you sure you just don't want to sip?
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Do you want it?
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that's because that's their thing.
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That is nothing about you.
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Relax.
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Nothing about you.
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Okay.
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So what are some resources that are available for those who need extra support during the holiday season with their drinking?
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How can I maintain a sense of joy and celebration during the holidays without relying on alcohol?
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How do I talk to my loved ones about my concerns regarding drinking during the holidays?
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Is it
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okay to seek professional help if I'm struggling with alcohol during the holidays?
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And how
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can I celebrate and enjoy the holidays without feeling isolated or left out if I'm not drinking?
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And
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that's a huge thing too, is that the same thing, like People are like, why aren't you drinking?
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Why aren't you drinking?
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And then you feel like, okay, maybe I shouldn't go.
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And then you feel isolated I
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have some great tips for you guys that I give out all the time.
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let's define right now what worries over drinking too much during the holidays refers to and what kind of concerns and anxieties many of these women have regarding guarding consumption during these festive months.
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It's very common to feel pressure to drink a lot during the holidays, and sometimes we can worry about losing control of ourselves.
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There's a lot of pressure in our society, and even in social media, to kind of glamorize alcohol, especially during the holiday season.
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There's so many christmas drinks, festive drinks, New Year drinks, New Year's parties, holiday parties, work parties.
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And so a lot of this messaging that we receive can create a sense of FOMO, the fear of missing out, and lead to feelings of inadequacy if we are not participating in drinking.
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I remember the New Year's that I was pregnant with my daughter.
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Everybody was drinking wine, and I was kind of like, I'm, I'm happy I'm pregnant.
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I don't want wine, but I didn't have anything to like cheer.
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And then a friend of mine was like, here, I got something for you.
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And this was years ago before they had all the alcohol free wines and all of this stuff.
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But she handed me a glass because everybody's drinking red wine.
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She handed me a glass of the palm juice mixed with some fizzy water from Peregrino in a fancy glass.
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And that was like, Oh, that's all I needed.
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I just needed to be able to cheer with people to, to feel like I
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was part of it.
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I find a lot of people will do that.
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They'll hold something like they don't tell people it's alcohol or non alcohol or whatever.
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And that's an interesting story because I found out I was pregnant, like when we were getting married and I was like, what are we going to do?
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And we didn't want to tell anybody yet because it was still like right before.
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And I was like, what am I gonna do when we cheers?
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We had all this like champagne and stuff.
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And so my mom had ordered me like sparkling cider and nobody else knew that I wasn't drinking champagne because I was just newly pregnant.
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and, to put up appearances and not have people asking me like, are you pregnant?
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Are you pregnant?
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that's
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what I tell my, people I work with who are pregnant.
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If they're like, well, how do I hide it?
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Duh, duh, duh, duh.
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And I'm like, okay, so a couple of things is you can have you or your partner tell the waitstaff, don't tell anybody she's pregnant.
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Just give her a glass of soda water with a lime, right?
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Make sure that you give her something that looks like alcohol or give her a non alcoholic beverage.
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Cause we don't want to be like, oh, we're not drinking.
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If you're like, I always had a glass of wine.
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What's the difference.
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And so a lot of restaurants will work with you on that.
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If you just say, Hey, make sure or make sure that you order something from the bartender.
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I've done shots of water before because somebody was harassing.
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I'm like, fine, fine.
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Or
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And throw it over your shoulder or whatever.
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Right.
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I was like, yeah, yeah.
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Just give me a shot of water.
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And they're like, well, yeah, no, no, I'm doing vodka shots, you
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know?
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Or just own your boundaries and tell people to F off and it's none of their business.
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That is true.
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That would be a little bit more ballsy, but most people are like.
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I don't want to, I don't
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want to break it.
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If you don't want to talk about it, but really worrying about this or worrying about alcohol consumption and these things can really intensify, especially during the holidays, feelings of anxiety and depression and a body image too.
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So because we're just concerned about what everybody is thinking.
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about us.
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And the problem with alcohol is It's empty calories.
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It is, you can get a lot of weight from just drinking during the
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holidays or worrying about what people are thinking about you or what they're not thinking about you and really the worst part about this whole thing is that it leads to a cycle that really keeps us feeling stuck.
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And really.
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further makes our emotional well being worse because we're in this cycle of too much thoughts, not thinking enough.
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Is there a problem?
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And that's just not a fun cycle to be in.
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Yeah, so we're gonna equip you with some great coping strategies to navigate this boozy holiday season.
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I love that she keeps having to read boozy.
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That's great.
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You keep being the one that's like Boozy!
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I'm going to be like, Shambong! Okay, no.
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Don't do that.
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You'll get
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sick.
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Yeah.
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No, no.
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That is not a good thing.
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So first and foremost, let's really set some realistic limitations for yourself, right?
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I don't want to say limitations.
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I don't even like that word.
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Let's set some realistic...
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Goals
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for yourself.
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That's better.
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That's more empowering.
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It is.
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Because we really want to pace yourself.
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And this is one of the things too, is that have a drink.
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And then if you, if everybody's continuing to drink or you don't want to have an empty hand, I always say never have an empty hand the next one, alternate with a non alcoholic beverage.
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Right.
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And have a glass of water, have a fizzy water.
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Set those boundaries with yourself about what you want to happen and then make it happen.
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Well, it's just like
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if we go out for dinner.
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It's always, who's the driver?
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Mm hmm.
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We decide that beforehand, not after we've had a couple of drinks.
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I will not get in the car and do any driving if I've had anything to drink.
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I'm pretty hardcore on that one.
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Yeah.
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And so it's always, okay, am I
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driving or you?
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Exactly.
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With your friends, with your partner, whoever it is, set those rules, set those boundaries, and that will set you up to not fail in this or feel like you are out of control in the situation.
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And be honest.
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I've done it with one of Randy's parties.
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I was like, I like to drink.
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Who's going to come pick me up?
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And somebody's cool, I'll swing by and get you.
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And I was like, sweet.
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And
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that can also give somebody an out who doesn't want to be drinking at that party.
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I am the designated driver.
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That's fine.
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I was usually always that because I'm not a huge drinker.
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So I was like, I was the one that would be like, I'm fine taking care of my friends if they want it.
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Or if you guys want to drink, I will drive.
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It's not a big deal.
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For me, I grew up with alcoholism in my family.
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So I just have always stayed away from it for me.
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So it's not something that I overindulge in.
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So It's been something though that I have had to learn to navigate, especially being in a sorority, being in college being very social where I just owned it.
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I'm not a big drinker and I just tell people that.
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So right from the bat, usually when I meet them, so I don't get any type of like pressure or things like that, but I'm like, I'm fine if you want to, or if you don't, yeah.
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You're an
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adult.
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You can make your decision.
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And it's really important, though, manage what is going on during the holidays and your stress level, because a lot of times, we can be like, I know there's lots of funny mugs and sayings out there Mom just needs a cocktail or whatever, because of the kids.
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Yeah, and all this stuff, and so it can be something that we kind of lean on and use when we're stressed out.
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So what, think of the other things that you can do for self care to manage your stress during the holidays and so that you're not relying on alcohol as your go to.
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So if that's exercise, meditation, going out with friends, watching a movie, gaming, journaling, whatever that is.
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Make sure you are taking care of your mental health with intention and as issues arise, whether that is financial stress buying presents for the kids, family issues, you got to meet up for the holidays with family you don't like or your in laws.
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So our rule was always whoever's in law it is.
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They have to drive.
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No wait, whoever's in law is, they get to drink.
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If I went to my mother in law's, my husband had to drive, I got to drink, and vice versa.
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And it's not that we don't like our mother in laws, but it was always that if it's your family, you're driving, and vice versa.
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And we've always done it that way.
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Just because that's our rule.
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So we make it very clear in the beginning.
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Yeah.
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And one of the things I love, Randy, that you do is you do the boozy Hallow...
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What was that?
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Halloween?
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Oh,
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so we do in our community group that we have for our local moms, we do like a boo basket, but booze basket, and we do a tipsy elf basket, but we do alternates for that.
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So if you want to do, you can choose to do coffee, soda, tea, whatever, and in replacing the alcohol.
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It doesn't have to be alcohol based.
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So I give people that option in our mom's group so that they don't feel like they're left out if they don't drink or if they have an issue with alcohol and they want to stay away from it.
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Yeah, because it's such a cute basket.
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It's so fun.
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You get this little basket that shows up on your, on your porch.
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Somebody you know, drops it off.
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Yeah, it's like
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a secret sister basket.
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But then a lot of people would feel left out if they felt like, well, I don't drink or like I can't and this way they're included.
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Mm
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hmm.
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I love it.
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And I think it's great when you have somebody who's I want coffee.
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You're like, sweet.
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I can do that.
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Or somebody who's I don't drink coffee or this, but I like hot cocoa, what I really like about it is that you give that option versus it just being about the boozy piece, and I think that's really
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great.
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Yeah, we make it more about the friendship and the the giving and the community instead of the booze.
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And I feel like we should find that within our friends and families.
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to and create that support system so that we can manage alcohol better during stressful parts of our life.
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And especially during the holidays like that, because I feel like a lot of people don't always consider how others might feel about alcohol.
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And just because my partner and I have had family members who were alcoholics and have passed away from it.
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It's more in our, the forefront of our consideration and our minds.
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But again, communicate that to people so they can support you and you can support them in turn, because if you don't say anything, nobody's going to know.
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My daughter got mad at us once.
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She was like, you guys are drinking too much.
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And I was like.
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I had half an ounce of vodka with that really big drink.
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She has no idea that like the next drink was just the soda, was the sugar free soda, I have just this little teeny tiny, literally measure out like a half ounce because having a tiny tummy, it'll hit me like boom.
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And so my husband's like, Mom actually does.
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And I was like, yeah, I'm not falling down.
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I'm not doing any of this.
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So, You
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know, she's lucky she doesn't know what that is, but she was just concerned because she didn't.
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So she just thought, Oh, maybe one drink is too many.
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But you're like, kid, you don't know.
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Yeah, I was like, Oh, no,
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no, no, this is Yeah.
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And so we had to talk about that with her.
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And I'm glad she was able to bring up the concern.
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But I mean,
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she felt safe enough, though, to even say that to you, which is the important part
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that she was mad.
