Transcript
WEBVTT
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Today, we're doing something a little bit different.
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We had a special request from one of our listeners who had asked us to role play how to deal with a workplace bully.
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And you know what?
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I loved it.
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I loved, loved getting that email.
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It was so awesome because I'm like, Oh my God, somebody really is listening to us.
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they wanted us, they loved us.
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There are
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thousands of people that listen to us.
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But yeah, but it makes it more real when we do hear from our listeners okay, this is resonating, with them.
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It did.
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And
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honestly, the listener was like, I love everything, but I hated this episode because, you didn't tell me how to really deal with it.
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And I was like, we did and I loved it.
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So I'm like, all right, listener.
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Here you go.
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We are going to do some role playing this time on how to deal with a workplace bully.
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And this can go anywhere in your life, but we are going to focus this on the workplace bully.
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So find us and more information on the women's mental health podcast.
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And we are going to go through several role playing scenarios designed to help women practice dealing with workplace bullying, along with examples, responses that encourage assertiveness and boundary setting.
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while being professional.
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Yeah, you can't punch him in the throat like I want to tell you to do.
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You can't do a karate chop at work, okay?
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So these are going to be some practical ways to respond when you are facing somebody at work who is a bully.
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And really I want you listeners to listen to see if you can tell who the bully is and And how the other person responds.
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I'm going to see if we can, we can rotate to be a bully and not a bully and not make me cry because I get frustrated in these kind of things sometimes.
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So don't
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make me cry, Randy.
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And she cries when she's frustrated, though.
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Randy cries all the time, but I just cry when I'm frustrated.
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Okay.
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Scenario number one, we're going to talk about the undermining colleague, the person who is always trying to make you look dumb, trying to get under your skin, trying to make your work look like it's petty or that you're unimportant.
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Okay,
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Jessica, you didn't include the right figures in that report again.
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I guess we'll have to fix it like we always do with your work.
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So again, I can't punch her in the throat.
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And I can't call her a bitch,
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but she is in her,
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I am my head.
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You can do whatever you want in your head, but put a smile.
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So
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stay calm and stay assertive.
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Exactly.
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Randy, actually, I double checked my figures before I submitted the report.
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If there's a mistake, I'd be happy to review it with you and we can correct it together.
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No, I don't have time for that.
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Just try not to mess it up again.
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Again, Randy, it's important to me that we get this right.
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So if there's an issue with my work, I'd like to go over it so one, I can improve and two, I can see where the miscommunication is and what the expectations are.
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Let's go ahead and schedule a time so we can review it.
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Okay, so Jess gave a very calm but firm response to the kind of snippy response that I was giving her.
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The goal here is to not let the bully push you into acting emotionally and feeling defensive.
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Not nah, my numbers are right.
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Yeah.
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No, I did them right.
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I did that.
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Like, why are you questioning me?
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You always question me.
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You never
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like my work.
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That would be defensive.
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Yeah.
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And instead, she took ownership of her work.
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Mm hmm.
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That she wanted to make.
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She found value in it.
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She wanted to make sure it was right.
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And trying to find the issue if there really was one, even though she knows deep down there isn't.
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But, we all make mistakes and maybe there is a
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number wrong and I'd like to go ahead and fix it.
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So why don't we meet to do it?
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so if you can respond and then hold them accountable to the, well, let's go ahead and talk and let's schedule a time now.
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And she's setting that that's the
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expectation, right?
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That she wants the feedback to be constructive, positive, and specific.
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So let's do another scenario.
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Number two, the overbearing supervisor.
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I need you to finish the report by the end of the day.
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Oh, and I also need you to cover for your other colleague who is out.
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And also, by the way, we don't have any overtime pay for staying late.
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So please get all of this done or just don't clock it.
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I can finish the report by the end of the day, but with my current workload, I won't be able to.
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Take on any additional tasks.
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Can we discuss priorities so I can meet your expectations without sacrificing the quality of my own work?
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Well, it all needs to get done.
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So just figure it out.
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I understand the urgency, but I can only take on what's realistic within my working hours.
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Ooh, and that's key right there, guys.
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If this is a priority, I'll need to delegate some of my other tasks to
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Oh, that was good.
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That is so good.
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Cause what you're doing there is setting a boundary saying, I will not be staying late.
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You will not not be paying me.
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And it's a very firm boundary where you are communicating your workload saying, I cannot get all of this done.
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If this is a priority, then fine, but this will have to go to somebody else.
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We're
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communicating that this is a priority over this.
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And that it's not all gonna get done because that's not realistic.
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No matter what you think I should just should do
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and then when your boss says figure it out Well, you're not paid for that.
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Your boss is paid for that.
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You're
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my manager or my boss You're supposed to be figuring this out.
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You're supposed to be managing the schedule.
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You're getting the management pay.
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Yeah, so no
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So now let's talk about the gossiping co worker again.
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You can't punch her in the throat
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Daydream about it though, but yeah.
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Okay.
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Jess, did you hear what happened at the meeting yesterday?
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I can't believe how clueless.
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Oh, I see you put my name.
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Okay.
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Let's start over.
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Cause yes.
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Don't block me.
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I did put Randy's name in there.
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Randy that bitch, she's always causing trouble.
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Okay.
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Wait, the gossiping coworker.
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Okay, let's do it again.
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Okay.
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Did you hear what happened in the meeting yesterday?
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I can't believe how clueless that girl was about the presentation.
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She's always so lost.
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Ooh, and all she wants to do is get you to talk about this by the way.
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Okay.
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So I'm going to respond in a very calm and direct way.
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I'd appreciate it.
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If we could keep the conversation professional, if you have any concerns about my work, I'm open to feedback, but I prefer that we address it Directly rather than through gossip.
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Oh, I was just joking.
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No need to be so sensitive.
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I Understand.
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However, those comments can create a negative environment.
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I'd prefer we keep our discussion supportive and constructive Now I do want to say doing this is very very direct mm
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hmm
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and I think there's another way we could do this.
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So I want to do another scenario with this because sometimes that's going to alienate the other person by saying it this direct.
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Now it's cool if you don't like this girl and you don't want to gossip, you've made a very clear boundary.
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Or, yeah, like I would just say I don't want to talk about another co worker behind their back
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Yeah, or I might say, I'm not really sure she did seem lost, I don't know her that well, so I'd rather not say something about her because I don't really know her and I don't know what's going on with her.
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That is another way of saying, I don't want to talk about people.
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It can be seen a little passive aggressive, but sometimes.
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It depends on how you want to do it.
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And when anybody says, I was just joking JK, don't be so sensitive.
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Don't cry about it.
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There's another response I want to give to that.
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But no, no, literally.
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But what I'm saying is that we can say, it's not being sensitive.
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However, what I am doing is I'm putting out expectations that I want to be kind to people.
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And so you can say that, I'm not being sensitive, I'm being kind to people that I don't know and I don't know their situation.
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Yeah, because I
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mean everybody has a bad day too, I always say, you never know what that person is going through.
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It's not my place to judge.
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Oh, yeah, my, kid calls me out on it all the time.
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All the time.
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Oh my God.
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I'm like, you cannot talk crap with that girl.
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I swear this generation, which is actually a good thing.
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Okay.
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So Let's go through a critical colleague.
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Like a,
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like a, somebody that needles you.
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Ooh.
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And like picks at you and stuff.
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Okay.
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That idea doesn't really make any sense.
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I don't think you've thought it through enough.
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Let's just move on.
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I appreciate your feedback, but I'd like to explain why this idea could work.
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If you have concerns afterwards, we can discuss them more and make improvements.
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And that is the dismissive.
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Colleague.
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Hmm.
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So
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that's really what this one is.
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Yeah, so
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they just want to dismiss you in front of others, especially in a meeting Situation where there's other people present and they want to show that you are lacking in some way And so they're trying to come behind you and push you and you Have a response for this
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and when they say let's move on what they've done Now is they've just squashed you so you can't talk and what you can say also is well I hear what you're saying and I appreciate your feedback However, I have given you 10 minutes and now it's my turn to do my 10 minutes So I would like to use my 10 minutes in explaining why I think this might work so there's other ways you can respond to that, but most of this really is being assertive and calm.
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Now this is an exclusionary situation.
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Somebody who is always excluding you from things, whether like it's work or social things And they're trying to isolate you.
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Oh, I didn't think to invite you to the team lunch.
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I figure you wouldn't be interested.
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I'd appreciate being included in team activities moving forward.
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It is important for me that I'm part of the group, and I'd like to contribute both socially and professionally.
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I'd also like to to allow me to give the choice of whether or not I can attend or not.
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So please keep inviting me, I would really appreciate that.
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That's one way.
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The other way to do it too is Randi, read that again.
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I didn't think to invite you to the team lunch.
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I figured you wouldn't be interested.
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Huh.
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I find that really interesting.
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Can you share with me more why you think I wouldn't be interested or what I'm doing that's coming across as uninterested?
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Because what I'm doing now is calling them out on it to say, the minute I say, why do you think I'm not interested?
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I pointed a finger at them and they're going to get defensive.
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Yeah.
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But
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if I say,
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hmm,
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that's interesting.
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Can you, tell me more about what I'm doing that makes you feel like I'm not interested?
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Because maybe I've done something.
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You used all I
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statements.
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I tried.
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It's hard, but yeah.
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When you try to shift it Oh, It's a way of being like, calling them out, but in a polite way.
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Well, and it's in a way to say, because maybe I did do something that dismissed them.
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Maybe they're upset because I said no once because my kid was sick, and they didn't know that.
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Yeah, that's,
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that's too they might assume something about you, and then you're taking offense over it, and maybe because you didn't ask, and they didn't Ask either again, miscommunication is happening.
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And then you're building a relationship based off of that.
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And maybe it was just again, like a miscommunication, a misunderstanding that neither one was aware of.
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But, this way you're also
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saying, I need to be invited if it's a team.
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so this is a situation where the boss is super critical and gives very vague criticism.
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So you can't really fix it or address it, or they're criticizing you personally that doesn't have anything to do with work, and it makes you feel incompetent.
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And there's no constructive feedback and no real like solution to it.
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Mm hmm.
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Okay.
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I don't know what's wrong with you lately, but your work is just not up to par.
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I'm open to feedback and want to improve.
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Could you clarify which specific areas of my work need attention so I can address them directly?
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Oh, I like that because you've gone through and said, Which area?
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Yeah.
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So tell me where.
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You can't just say I'm all shit.
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Cause there's gotta be something.
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You're always late.
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You're never on time.
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That's not a true statement.
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Yeah.
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You can't make a generalization.
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Exactly.
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And if there's an issue and it's not up to par, what exactly is up to par?
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What does that mean?
