JOMO vs FOMO: The Joyous Path to Self-Discovery and Self-Care

Ep 12 FOMO Final

[00:00:00] Randi: 1, 2, 3, 4, hi friends. It's Randy and Jess. And we're gonna cut the bullshit and let's get 

[00:00:08] Jessica: into women's mental health.

In this episode, we're gonna explore where FOMO comes from. That's fear of missing out and why people are switching to Jomo. Joy of missing out. 

[00:00:22] Randi: Yeah. So it's a new kind of phenomenon, right. That we were interested to talk about because we were like, what is Jomo? And like, we need another acronym. Why 

[00:00:30] Jessica: one is emotionally intelligent and better for your emotional health and mental health, um, while also learning to be authentic with who you 

[00:00:38] Randi: are.

Mm-hmm . So we're gonna talk about these feelings. Have you ever thought I wish I was at that party. 

[00:00:45] Jessica: I wish I had a busy weekend. I wanna do something. Or 

[00:00:48] Randi: like you're scrolling through social media and you're like, they look like they're having so much fun. Like I wish I was a part of that group or why 

[00:00:56] Jessica: wasn't I invited, I 

[00:00:58] Randi: wish I had my jammies on, 

[00:01:00] Jessica: right.

Or I'm not sure who I was when I made those plans, because that is not who I am right now. 

[00:01:05] Randi: Can we just Netflix, just Netflix, not Netflix and chill. Yeah, no, no, no, just, just Netflix. I don't wanna chill. my 

[00:01:11] Jessica: gosh. One time sidetrack squirrel here. I sent out a emoji to the entire girl scout, like parents and it was a Netflix and chill and I was like, I am so embarrassed.

I am so sorry. I don't know what that is. I don't even know how it came up. Uh, and I got so much crap for that. Okay. Good. Do I really have to put on makeup or 

[00:01:33] Randi: I already took my pants off. I'm not going anywhere. My 

[00:01:38] Jessica: husband is that person. Yes. We know if he walks in the door and his shoes and pants off, like he, he puts on Jam's.

Yeah. Yeah. But like if he takes something like sleep shorts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If, if that's where he is, he's no longer leaving the house. Mm-hmm 

[00:01:49] Randi: we say like pants off dance off. Um, there, there used to be a show called 

[00:01:53] Jessica: that. What's FOMO besides the fact that I said fear of missing out mm-hmm what is that? It 

[00:01:59] Randi: was popularized back in 2004, and it was a term introduced then.

And it's been extensively used kind of in pop culture and like a buzzword mm-hmm on social sites. And it finally made it into the Oxford dictionary in 2013, but it is a relatively kind of new idea. It's like the state of mind that you're in, that leads us to feel a deeper sense of social ity, like less than loneliness or like rage, like you're upset.

You're missing out. Nobody wants to be your friend. Like, why is this happening? Why isn't my life? So then you start playing like this comparison game. 

[00:02:38] Jessica: Okay. So it's like, when we scroll through our news feeds or we get all these updates and memes and political puns and everything else that we get, it's like this latest net greatest 

[00:02:48] Randi: thing.

Yeah. And like photos and like superstars and people on vacation, cuz people are, it's a highlight real. Like you need to understand that people are sharing like their, um, what they feel is. Making them happy and that can in turn make you feel like crap. Right. You know, if you are like, can't afford to go on vacation or you can't afford to go out, you know, to party, or you can't afford, you know, this, or like you don't have the same family life that they do, or they are personally what they showing, what they're showing you do not know what is happening behind closed doors.

And we talked about that a couple 

[00:03:23] Jessica: episodes ago. Mm-hmm about like how I make us do family photos and I'm like smile. Right. But meanwhile, everything's kind of a shit. 

[00:03:30] Randi: FOMO is like addiction because like we're on our phones scrolling, and then we come addicted to like, updating ourselves. Well, what is she doing?

What is he doing? Like, what is this? And it's not like in a positive thing, it can be like very negative. And then we're like hooked on almost kind of like self sabotaging ourselves. Like, why isn't my life like this? Why don't I look like this? Like, why am I not doing this? Like, why am I not where she's at?

You know, like even just like career wise, like. Wise, like family wise, personal life emotions. Like, no don't well, me don't play that. I was like, 

[00:04:01] Jessica: now talk about aging yourself. I know. I know. So it goes back to that power of like, which is the firing of the dopamine in our brains, especially if you're ADHD mm-hmm and we like the knowing, right?

Like we feel like we're connected to these people cuz we saw their hike that they took on the Yosemite mm-hmm or Yellowstone and we feel. We're 

[00:04:20] Randi: connected with them. It's like, um, a, like a false positive, I would say like instant gratification. Yeah. But like, you don't really have a relationship with that person.

You're not really connected with that person. I mean, in some instances you are, but if it's like somebody that you don't really know very well, you don't really know what's going on. Like behind the scenes, like, you know, I can post something on social media and then my friends know, like it's a shit show at my house right now, you know?

So they're like, okay, Randy, like, . Yeah. Well, I try to be like much more realistic in my feed, but 

[00:04:52] Jessica: well, and I follow, um, Adrian, uh, yoga with Adrian. Have you ever seen that one? No, she does this great yoga. You can do like a 30 day challenge, but she's got this beautiful dog, right? Mm-hmm we all love 

[00:05:03] Randi: her dog.

Well, people love watching dogs much more than people. Right. 

[00:05:06] Jessica: But she got engaged a couple weeks ago. Mm-hmm and it showed up. Feed. And I was like, oh, 

[00:05:11] Randi: I'm so happy for her. And I was like, is, felt like in like indebted to that, like, it was weird. 

[00:05:16] Jessica: I was like, I don't even know her, but I was like, God, how romantic was that?

Right. 

[00:05:19] Randi: Wow. Well, and that's how influencers thrive is, uh, sharing their story or selling their story. Was there. Yeah. So it was more so the dog was there. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Part of it, she knows that sells. So oh, her dog 

[00:05:34] Jessica: was there. So we keep scrolling and it's like this fear that we are going to miss something important.

And that's the problem with all this instant gratification. Mm-hmm instant updates is that if we are not on all the time, we're gonna miss it. Like I sometimes will go back and, you know, start at the bottom or the bottom I'm I'm air quot. And be like, okay, what did I 

[00:05:54] Randi: miss today? Yeah. Or like go back. And the stories, well, stories like on Instagram, you can only be in for 24 hours, which is probably a good thing.

Yeah. But like, yeah. Like, no, like other feeds and stuff, you can go back and scroll and troll, like as long as you want. And it's like, yeah. Scroll and troll. I love that. Scroll and troll. I just came up with that. That's great. Go, Randy, go. No, don't do that to yourself. No 

[00:06:12] Jessica: part of FOMO is that we're losing ourselves.

Trying to catch up. I mean, think about how much time am I losing, trying to catch up with all of these people that I either a haven't talked to in years or B, I don't really know them. Mm-hmm but I'm scrolling and catching up and watching it. Instead of being present, sitting in my chair. 

[00:06:30] Randi: Right. Right. So you are missing out on creating your own moments.

Mm-hmm and your own life. It's like you're putting that energy into somebody else that doesn't really have anything to do, like with your day to day, like you said, moment presence. Mm-hmm and you're feeding into that when you could be feeding into your. 

[00:06:52] Jessica: FOMO is that wanting to do everything and be everywhere and it doesn't really get you anything significant, right?

[00:06:58] Randi: Like, yeah. It's like a hamster wheel. Like I feel like you're just like running and running and running, but it's. Okay. If you're like thinking about, for instance, like they went on vacation, I didn't go on vacation. Like they went on vacation. I didn't go on vacation. Mm-hmm they went on vacation. What are you doing so that you can go on vacation?

Like, do you need to, you know, save some more money? Like, do you need to make some plans? Like yeah. Make some time for yourself. Right? Make some time for yourself. Like, do you need to like work more hours at work? Like, what are you doing? What are you wasting putting into that? Thinking that mm-hmm that you could.

In turn, be pouring into yourself yep. To make that happen and make those memories happen and make those moments happen for yourself. A lot of those times, like there are a lot of like financial barriers and things like that. Listen, Linda. Okay. Listen to me. Linda's don't be offended. No, don't be offended.

um, I just like you, a lot of pop culture reference. I saved for three years to take my family on vacation so I could pay cash for it. Nice. And so I worked extra hours and that was a goal for me. And it's like, yes, it was hard watching other people go on vacation, but I did not wanna put it on my credit card.

I don't do credit card. So it's like, I did not want yeah. A debt. I wanted to pay cash for my vacation. I didn't want it to hang over our heads. I didn't want it, you know, to be something that was gonna stress me out. And I wanted. To be, you know, I wanted to stay at a certain hotel. I wanted all these things and, 

[00:08:22] Jessica: and FOMO is that whole, well, how did she get to do that?

How did she pay for that? Right. Well, she just said she saved for three years. Yeah. But you don't see her putting that on her right. On her Facebook going, you don't know that here's the picture of me at the beach and I saved for three years. Right. That's why it's really hard when we compare ourselves to other people.

Mm-hmm like, I have no idea how the person down the street drives and ADE. Right? 

[00:08:44] Randi: Well, a credit . That's why, but that's what I tell a lot of people too, because like, if some of you guys know, like we have like a bay lake savings, urban community too, and. I tell people all the time, like, do not compare it, do not buy it if you cannot buy it.

Yeah. You don't know their financial situation. And a lot of people do live on credit and do spend impulsively. Yeah. And that's not good for your mental health either, 

[00:09:09] Jessica: you know? Right. And speaking of mental health FOMO, it causes fatigue and stress mm-hmm and problems with sleep. And we've already talked about how Randy gets insomnia.

And self esteem and it just overall makes us unhappy. Yeah. 

[00:09:24] Randi: It decreases our happiness. It increases anxiety because then you're feeling like this chronic need mm-hmm to be, like you said, like checking in, like liking stuff, like commenting, like feeling like you are part of something, but like you're still on the outside.

So it's like a weird position. 

[00:09:40] Jessica: And it's part of that hustle culture, right? Mm-hmm , it's that I'm busy. My, my favorite I'm busy. I'm busy too. I'm busy. Are you busy? 

[00:09:46] Randi: Being busy is also a trauma response. Yes. So let's get down to the basis of that. 

[00:09:53] Jessica: Mm-hmm and that, so are we saying FOMO is a trauma response? I mean, I'm just.

Gonna totally just sideway, sidestep out a second. I mean, 

[00:10:00] Randi: some of the people too that are always like, I'm doing this and I'm doing this and I'm doing this and you think their life is like, so cuz they're go, go, go. They might be living that way because they're avoiding being present with themselves being, um, mindful of them.

Like understanding themselves because they are, can only live from like the next event to the next event. And that's how they're surviving. So it's like, you just do not know like why people do those things. Well, I mean, I do because I'm a therapist. 

[00:10:29] Jessica: Well, yeah, we sit on this side of the 

[00:10:30] Randi: room, so we, we do know.

Yeah. So it's like, I underst. Stand. Like, that's why a lot of people like hop from things or some people are workaholics. I mean, you know, it's like almost like an avoidance technique, but then same thing we can replace that actually being busy, busy, busy with like, I wanna be busy. I wanna be busy. I wanna be busy with the FOMO I'm missing out.

Like, and then you're like hooked on that feeling of missing out FOMO. I'm 

[00:10:52] Jessica: gonna age myself. Is that whole like, keeping up with the Joneses mm-hmm that people used to do back. Is that the eighties? 

[00:10:58] Randi: No, they still do it now. Do they still say keeping up with the Joneses? Yeah. Who the hell are the Jones? I don't know, nobody wants to be the Jones.

I need to have the latest car. I need to have like the latest handbag. I need to have the I'm like, girl, I got this at Walmart. You know, like, this is the bomb. Like we need to kind of flip the script and make your life the way that you want it. Like take back control. Don't worry about what that girl around the corner is doing.

That's that social 

[00:11:24] Jessica: pressure though. Mm-hmm it's the pressure. 

[00:11:26] Randi: Yeah. The peer pressure. Yeah. It's still it's like, mean girl, like status or whatever, like, and it's like, mean girl shit. Isn't it. We put that pressure on ourselves because of society and like the pressures. It's like, why aren't you at this level with your career?

Yeah. Your journey is your own mm-hmm and you're on that path for a reason. And that just spirals you out. Like when we play the comparison game and it is, they say comparison is the thief of joy. And I truly believe that. 

[00:11:55] Jessica: FOMO is like the fear of missing out when it comes to work. Randy went on a vacation a couple weeks ago.

Her husband took her and she was still working. Oh yeah, she was still working, but that's a that's Randy. 

[00:12:05] Randi: It is a trauma response for me. And I totally own that. I'm a workaholic because of that, because I've had a lot of loss in my life and I feel the need to over control and compensate. So I have overcompensated to make sure my kids are gonna be better off and that I can give them, you know, things and opportunities that I was never given and that my husband and I had to struggle for.

Yeah. You know, so it's like, it is, it is, you know, a hundred percent like a trauma response that I don't ever wanna be put in that situation that I've seen, you know, many women in my life be put into. 

[00:12:42] Jessica: Well, and that's fear. That's not just fear of missing out. That's just, no, that's just trying fear. Yeah.

Well, but you're not. No, there are 70% of employees report that when they take a vacation, they don't disconnect from work. Cuz they can get their emails still. Right, right. They can get, and I'm not talking about like therapists who have to just in case. Right. And we're talking about executives who they don't disconnect.

I mean, part of this is we need to let them all listen to our boundary, our boundaries, right? 

[00:13:09] Randi: Yeah. Better boundaries. And I have like, I got really good about that. Um, with clients and stuff. Mm-hmm and now I'm. Add it to like with my social media company is like, letting people know, like I'm not available like 24 7, but because if you open yourself up to that, people will use it to their advantage.

Well, they 

[00:13:28] Jessica: expect it. It's not use it. They expect it. And then they're like, well, you didn't get back to me at four in the morning on Saturday. What's wrong and you're like, mm mm. I was actually sleeping that time. 

[00:13:38] Randi: Right. Yeah. And so again, listen to our boundaries. Yeah. Uh, podcast, because we do talk about that.

It's important. And it, you know, it does pair with this too. My husband often takes me on vacations where we have no cell service. So I am forced to disconnect. I love it. That's good. Which is fine, you know, because then I'm like, oh yeah, I do need, you know, this breath and to take a step back and I'm learning, you know, slowly too that like, you can't do it all.

no, you can't. So, 

[00:14:03] Jessica: so, okay. So let's talk Jomo, cuz I mean I've, I've had a couple clients throw it around and I was like, huh, I wonder what that is. Right, right. It's the joy of missing out. Okay. 

[00:14:13] Randi: Okay. So, so you're joyful in missing out, right? 

[00:14:17] Jessica: Mm-hmm and this is what they call the emotionally intelligent antidote to FOMO.

Hmm, meaning if you're gonna, you know, it's a secret way to practice. Happiness is miss out on 

[00:14:26] Randi: stuff. Yeah. And do you think, um, that kind of became like more relative, like after the pandemic and stuff and people learning, like being almost forced to miss out on stuff? Or do you think it's made it worse or better?

I 

[00:14:40] Jessica: think what I've seen over the last, what two and a half, three years mm-hmm is that in the beginning, there was a lot of FOMO, right? Cuz we are not doing stuff. We're not doing this. And then once people started going back out in the world, right. Just even little bits, big bits, whatever this last year, I think a lot of people are still choosing to not go out as much.

Mm-hmm like people who used to travel all the time when they travel now it's like, oh, it's such a pain, right? No, no. It's always been a pain. Yeah. It's always been stressful. It's always been hard. We were just pushing ourselves so much yeah. 

[00:15:11] Randi: To do all that. We were just pushing through it or like putting ourselves in experiences that weren't bringing us joy.

Yeah. Just because we are like a very busy culture or like we were trying to appease like other people and we've learned now we don't have to, or stuff. Like I was having that conversation with a friend the other day, too. I just don't want to put in the energy to things if it's not gonna be like, give me back that good energy and that yes.

You know, the good vibes and the, or the other person or friendship is also like pouring into it too. It's like, I think we maybe have like a little bit less tolerance for stuff. But in a good way yes. That we're able to prioritize, like, is this something that I need in my life right now that is gonna bring me, um, you know, joy or peace or happiness, or, you know, some centering or is this gonna throw me off kilter and that's good.

That's boundaries. 

[00:16:03] Jessica: When I met my husband, I loved about him. And I still do is that he forces me to take a break. Yeah. Because otherwise I will just bounce all over the place and do all this stuff. Yeah. 

[00:16:13] Randi: She's like made, we like to do all the things do and try all the things and try all the things. That's part of ADHD too, but 

[00:16:19] Jessica: yeah.

Right. But he's like, we can hang out on a Sunday and do nothing. And I'm like, wait, what? Yeah. What? Yeah. And so that is also, what's really nice. It's that whole slowing down, being in the slow lane kind of thing. Right. 

[00:16:31] Randi: Like, right. And allowing you to be present. Yes. Make those connections that you think you're missing out on mm-hmm but you aren't, if you slow down a little bit 

[00:16:42] Jessica: and then when you slow down or at least when I slow down, I could really stop and recognize how I'm feeling, how my emotions.

Maybe I really needed that, that downtime. Yeah. That party sounded great when I signed up for it a month ago. But now that it's here, I'm like, mm, I really don't wanna do that. Or it's really 

[00:17:00] Randi: hot outside and finding joy in the mundane stuff. I feel like sometimes we feel like it needs to be like this big sparkly, like a huge vacation, a big party.

Yeah. So many people there, like all this happening and it's like, what about, I find so much joy, just like hanging out with you and like recording this podcast. And people are like, it's, you know, and it's not work to me. It's like joyful to me. We had taken the last week off and I was like, I miss it. You know, I do too.

Cause the, you know, like we are able to like talk about like these deep things for women and it's like that. Me joy. It makes my heart happy. And it's like, if I was go, go, go and had said like, no, like, and didn't make the time for it. Like, I would be missing out on that. Mm-hmm and even too, like when my son like, he'll be like, can you walk me to like the playground?

And sometimes I'm like, oh my God. Like, you know, get out of the car, pull lane. But I'm like, you know, then he holds my hand with his little hand and it's like, I take that extra like five minutes and walk him. And then I'm like, oh, like it is. And it's like, Sets the tone for like my whole day. And it's like, instead of me being like rush, rush, rush, go, go, go.

I'm just gonna take this breath. I'm gonna be present, you know, with my kid, I'm not missing out on something else. Mm-hmm I would've missed out on this. Yeah. And it's like, what in reality was like more important for like my family, my emotional and mental health, you know, wellbeing and theirs. It was me pausing.

[00:18:27] Jessica: Yeah. I read something when my daughter was little, she was, you know, she was at that stage where really cool sparkly rocks. She would hand them to you. We all know that stage, right? Oh yeah. Yes, yes. Yeah. And, and it, so every 

[00:18:37] Randi: rock, every stick, every, every everything, everything. Yes. 

[00:18:41] Jessica: But what I read was that they think that's the coolest thing they found and they wanna give it to you.

Mm-hmm and I was like, You know what it really made me appreciate that rock, that stick, that pebble mm-hmm . Cause she was like, that's the coolest thing I found and here, mom, you can have it. Yeah. 

[00:18:59] Randi: And that's been hard for me to, because, um, as a parent, like after I lost my mom, I became super emotionally like detached mm-hmm and my grief and my daughter was only five and, but I quickly.

Came to realize that if I did not pay attention to all those little things, and if she did not feel comfortable coming to me, or if I was ignoring that, that when she grew up into a teenager, she would not come to me with those things anymore. That were bigger. That weren't a sparkly rock, but were a heartbreak.

Yeah. Or a bully or a teacher like harassing her or something like. I learned that I had to pause and take those moments. And she talks to me so much as a teenager because thankfully I was able to realize, you know, that too. And it's like, even when I'm working too, I will pause. Like when my son comes in to tell me something or from school, because nothing is more important than them, you know, to me and developing and.

I find so many, like teen girls do not have that relationship with their mother and how alone they are in some of the shit they're going through. And it makes me really sad. It makes me 

[00:20:14] Jessica: sad too. And I wanna also put out there, we're not trying to make anybody feel guilty if, if you didn't have a moment for that rock this morning, cuz you're running 

[00:20:22] Randi: late for work.

No don't I mean there's days I'm like, I'm like shut up, get outta my way, you know? Yeah. Don't own any of that really? Truly. We are not, we are not, not perfect. I'm. I try to do those things and it has made the difference for me, but, you know, I mean, some days I'm like, no, I do not have the time and I rush rush, rush.

Yeah. So again, don't compare yourself to no, to things like you can still at this, that's still FOMO. Yeah. And, but you can still change it if you want to. Yeah. Like, so I have a really cool 

[00:20:49] Jessica: rock sitting at my desk right now that I got right. A couple months ago. She's like, here's a cool rock. 

[00:20:53] Randi: Yeah. Even when they're older, it's never, ever too late for anything with anybody.

Try to open up that. Communication again. Yeah. If you feel like you've missed out or you're feeling some guilt over that, or something like that, all you can do is like extend, you know, a hand and extend that conversation and try to open that door. It's never too late to try with anybody because those kids or your partner, whatever, they always.

[00:21:17] Jessica: Or your pet or your, or your pet? Oh my gosh. I have a new puppy, Ollie. He is the cutest thing. Yeah. He wants all my time and he's not gonna be a puppy forever. Right. Look at me. I'm like, 

[00:21:26] Randi: oh, I know a puppy. I know. Well, and that's the same thing with kids. Like, I'm like, my daughter's leaving in like two years to go to college and I'm like, not prepared.

I still have another little one, but it's like, oh shit. So it's like, I wanna be present now because I'm not gonna have all that time with her. You know, she's gonna go on and make her own life. Oh, 

[00:21:45] Jessica: okay. Let's not go there. That's gonna be, oh, my I'm gonna start like welling up here. 

[00:21:49] Randi: Right. So, so that comes back, all, comes back to JMO, being intentional with your time, like schedule, what is important, you know, to you, whether that's meeting or friend for coffee, schedule it with your kids too, if you need to like, yeah.

Jess and I are. So busy, we have multiple businesses and things and family and, you know, social life and stuff. And it's like, so we have to schedule things like to tea. Like sometimes I have to schedule, I schedule dates, you know, like with my husband, I schedule time with like, with my daughter, like this is our time to get a pedicure.

Like I schedule, you know, facial, like with my friends. Like, because I know if I don't have it, like, I'm not gonna hold myself like responsible, you know, to, or account. Yeah. And it could be too, like, just, I'm gonna finish this project. Like, that's gonna something that's gonna like take stress off. No, 

[00:22:34] Jessica: that's like ADHD.

What do you mean? You're gonna 

[00:22:36] Randi: finish a project? Not, not me. Not really. I'm not gonna finish a craft project, but 

[00:22:40] Jessica: okay. Okay. Okay. By doing that, you're giving yourself permission to live in the present. 

[00:22:44] Randi: Mm-hmm right. And you're making yourself a priority. Yeah, too. Oh my gosh. You're not worrying about other people that goes 

[00:22:50] Jessica: back to whole self-care stuff right there, 

[00:22:51] Randi: right?

Yeah. You could be like totally stressed out. And it's like, maybe just taking that breath and having that, you know, night at home or mm-hmm that bath or whatever hair, blow out, whatever you wanna 

[00:23:02] Jessica: do. Sometimes we call him jammy days when I met my husband, he worked at this, um, place where they shut down for Christmas.

Right. Mm-hmm they didn't get all the holidays we got throughout the year, but they got like two weeks off at Christmas and I was like, sweet. And I would try and fill up those two weeks with stuff. He was like, no, no, no. No, 

[00:23:19] Randi: I wanna do nothing. He 

[00:23:20] Jessica: wanted to do 

[00:23:21] Randi: nothing. That's the way my husband is too. Yeah.

He's like, no, this is my time off. I just wanna sit here. Wanna play? It's my games. Yeah. My video games. We games, video games, gamer, gamer, husbands. Yeah. 

[00:23:29] Jessica: Yay. It's other topic. And it would be okay. We're having a jammy day. Mm-hmm and we'd all have a jammy day and we'd all do whatever we wanted to 

[00:23:37] Randi: do. Yeah. If you wanna write a book, if you wanna take a nap.

Not feel guilty about it, cuz we don't need to fill it with busy to 

[00:23:45] Jessica: be busy. No. And I'm finding a lot more people now are enjoying their jammy days. I mean, think about it target a little bit ago had like nothing but sweats. I remember going to target well, they call it Aleia now. Oh, 

[00:23:57] Randi: athletes to make it sound a little bit more fancy joggers, joggers, joggers, joggers.

That's right. I have a whole closet of joggers, joggers leggings. Joggers are a little bit more fancier leggings that you can like get away with looking a little bit more put together, but not really. Um, but yeah, like we wanna be comfortable yes. Now and like embrace that. It's okay. You know, to be 

[00:24:19] Jessica: comfortable, we know that one came from the pandemic.

I don't think I even own a pair of slacks ever. Like if I had to go somewhere where I had 

[00:24:27] Randi: to go, no, I don't have any more slacks that fit me. Jeans are sweat. Yeah. Well, right now what's popular is wide leg trouser, but let's call 'em what they are. If you're our age P Palazzo pants or whatever, the are Palazzo pants.

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Like the empty hammer pants. Oh, I just, I did not that, not that bad. Oh, I'm sorry, pants, but like really, really wide leg. I just bought some to try because they looked like so freaking comfortable. I was like, I could pull those off as like slack, so, and I think that's kind of where it is feeling like you're put together, but like being comfortable and.

Just finding joy in that and being okay with that. And you embracing yeah. Embracing that house and just 

[00:25:00] Jessica: really owning and celebrating that mm-hmm, , you're being present, which means we don't have to be all. But if you like dressed up and you like your stilettos, go for it. No 

[00:25:08] Randi: one's stopping you. And that's what makes you feel good?

Like, I mean, sometimes I wanna feel like I'm a powerhouse and I wanna put on. You know, a blazer or whatever, and like, that's fine, you know, too. Oh my gosh. I just have to tell you, I 

[00:25:19] Jessica: did post it. I'll have to post a picture. We went out to lunch last week and there was a girl wearing the hostess was wearing her doc Martin boots.

Mm-hmm and her dress. I was just my, my 15 year old self. Your sweater girl. Oh my God. I was so excited. I took a picture of it to show my mother going. See. They're still in style. 

[00:25:40] Randi: Oh yeah. They've been in back in style for a while. And the whole Y2K is like a big, like aesthetic right now. Sorry, I'm talking like my teenager.

I know I'm about Y2K. Wait, whoa. Yeah. So like the 2000 fashion is like all back Y2K. Yeah. And they call aesthetic, which is just like the look and feel of something. So everything isn't a aesthetic, 

[00:26:02] Jessica: but you don't have to have FOMO. You can wear whatever you want. 

[00:26:05] Randi: Yeah. I mean, right now, like coastal grandma, Isn't aesthetic.

So if you wanna look like a beachy grandma, like Diane Keaton. Oh, okay. Okay. That's a whole vibe right now. Apparently like, I don't know, crochet tops. We're in for a while. We're hitting the seventies a little hard this year, too, with some anyways. 

[00:26:25] Jessica: Jomo pause your social media, right? Yes. You don't have to know what's in style.

You don't have to even be in style. 

[00:26:31] Randi: No. Make your you're your own person. You don't need, you don't need to follow somebody else. Like wear what you want, do what you want. Yeah. You don't need to follow, keep up with the gens. No. And 

[00:26:39] Jessica: unfollow people who make you not like yourself, unfollow people that you, that make you feel negative about yourself.

Yeah. Or if you. Ah, I wish I could do that or that makes me feel that yeah, just delete even if it's off relative. 

[00:26:53] Randi: Yeah. Delete, yeah. Block 'em or you can just hide 'em, you know, too, for like 30 days they have like that thing, snooze, um, yeah, snooze 'em um, you can delete apps off of your phone if you feel like there are time suck or TikTok.

[00:27:04] Jessica: I'm sorry. Yeah. Or like TikTok on my phone. I love TikTok. I know I can't do it. I 

[00:27:08] Randi: can't do it, but I can't get sucked into the scroll, but I 

[00:27:12] Jessica: can set limits. Yes, there you go. I can set limits and say, I'm going to allow myself. 

[00:27:17] Randi: Well, even like on 10 minutes, if you, well, you have a different phone than I, but I have an iPhone you can set, um, limits on your phone and it will like lock you out of a, an app.

After a certain amount of time, I do it to my kids all the time. They love it. Um, my husband tried to do it to me and I was like, take that off. But, um, 

[00:27:35] Jessica: you're like, gimme the damn password 

[00:27:36] Randi: now. Oh yeah. I was like, uh, yeah, but I mean, you can override it, but it's like a way to keep yourself in check. If you know, you do kind of like have that and it's like sucking you, you know, into kind of like a joyless, like, um, spiral.

Cause we 

[00:27:49] Jessica: want joy full mm-hmm we, we want the joy, the full of missing it out. Yeah. And so in order to do. We have to say no to stuff, right? We can't say yes to everything. Mm-hmm and it's okay to say I'm not flying home for 

[00:28:02] Randi: Christmas. Yes, no. Is a complete sentence. As we talked about before. No, you don't have to pick up the phone.

You don't have to answer the text message right away. You don't have to answer it at all. No, like you don't have to say yes, yes, yes. To everything sometimes saying no is the best form of self love and self care. Yeah. 

[00:28:23] Jessica: I mean, Care, and I don't think enough people do self-care I know we talked, we've talked about 

[00:28:28] Randi: it.

Well, we did talk about it and I think because a lot of people think it's selfish 

[00:28:32] Jessica: well, because we tribute self-care to things like facials and massages. Right. And it's not versus, you know, I hung out and read a book last night, right. With my puppy. And it was the best half 

[00:28:43] Randi: hour. Like I took like, uh, Epson salt bath self-care for me, like a couple days ago, looked like just going and sitting out on the sun for five minutes and getting up from my desk, you know, and moving.

It doesn't have to cost anything. Um, we talk about that, you know, on our other podcast, like it doesn't mm-hmm and it doesn't have to be what you think mainstream self care is too, you know, like it doesn't have to be coloring. It doesn't have to be yoga and meditation. Like it can be like rocking out with your.

Leap out, you know, like, you know, listening to music. Now I wanna 

[00:29:14] Jessica: know her bleep is that she's rocking out with, cause I just got an image. I was like, Ooh, Ooh. Okay. But, 

[00:29:19] Randi: so what, I don't have one of those, but you knew 

[00:29:21] Jessica: where I was going. I was like, yeah. Yeah. What are you rocking out with? Yeah. Yeah. All right.

Back to this Jomo, joy of missing out mm-hmm you get to get rid of like the drama of social media. You, you don't have to answer text or, or emails like you. Um, you can do things you enjoy, you know, mm-hmm, like some people enjoy cooking. I mean, they find it very relaxing, right, right. To, to bake. Or like you said, being outside and hanging out or going on, like, I love, I listen, the bike rides over that we have by the river.

Yeah. We 

[00:29:51] Randi: took one weekend as a family and it's like, if we haven't paused and done that. Yeah. That brought me like so much joy, even though my son, like, you know, crashed and burned and then acted like he was like dying at the end. I was like the whole part before that was fine. And , I knew it was gonna be like a shit show.

Anyways. It always is. Something always happens, but I was like, I still was like so fun for me. Like, and it, it took me back to those joy full times too. Like as a kid, just like riding my bike and like feeling like carefree and stuff. Oh, the, the wind. 

[00:30:22] Jessica: Yeah. I was not mostly necessarily in our hair. I wear helmet now.

But, you know, but you can feel it, you know, I got a couple bugs last time that they had the NATS out mm-hmm and I was laughing. I'm like, I think I ate some, 

[00:30:32] Randi: when we slow down, it increases the thoughts. We can have, the creativity can then flow. Like sometimes we can feel like blocked by stuff. And then all of a sudden you're like flowing and more productive and other ways because you are slowing down.

So I think sometimes we think like slowing down equals not being. Productive and not being helpful, but it can open up all these other doors that really is more productive. 

[00:30:58] Jessica: It goes back to the shower thoughts. Mm-hmm right. We're taking a shower. We slow down. We're not really thinking of it. Yeah. We think 

[00:31:03] Randi: of all these blockbuster ideas, right.

Million 

[00:31:06] Jessica: dollar ideas that then we forget by the time we dry off. Right. But it, we slow down and we allow our brain just to kind of be mm-hmm and that. That's what the slowing down is, you know, and if you wanna do projects, great. Um, we can start as many crafts as you want. Yeah. Yeah. If that brings you joy, finishing them is kind of 

[00:31:23] Randi: hard, but whatever, it's fine.

Do you, but it's like, don't play the comparison game. Don't be fearful of missing out. Just slow down, take a. Pause find joyful. Yeah. Find some joy and the simple things. Yeah. 

[00:31:40] Jessica: I found a really cool poem. I'm gonna read this here. Oh, the joy of missing out when the world begins to shout and rush towards that shining thing.

Well, this is me saying our ADHD, right? Mm-hmm the latest bit of mental bling trying to have it. See it, do it. You simply know you won't go through. The anxious clamoring in need the restless hungry thing to feed. Instead, you feel the loveliness, the pleasure of your emptiness. You spur the treasure of the, on the shelf in favor of your peaceful self without regret, without a doubt.

Oh, the joy of missing out. This is by, uh, Michael, I'm gonna call him Luning. I probably mispronounce that. He's an Australian. Sorry, Michael. 

[00:32:21] Randi: I know. So sorry, but no, I mean, that really is I, I was visualizing mm-hmm, kind of that like rushing towards like something that we think we're missing and that we need, but it's not, then we're like setting it aside.

It's like, then it's just collecting dust. Like it's not something that we. You know, needed and it's like, what do we really need to like, fill ourselves? So I wanna challenge you guys this week to slow down and take a pause and Jomo. Yeah. Jomo, Jomo, 

[00:32:49] Jessica: and, and tell us what you've done to Jomo. I 

[00:32:51] Randi: wanna hear.

Yeah. We wanna hear like, let us know on Instagram, Facebook. YouTube our website. You can comment on there too. Let us know like what you're finding joy in right now. And then if you guys have a burning question too, a mental health topic you want us to talk about, please, please let us know. 

[00:33:08] Jessica: Absolutely. All right.

Peace out. Peace out one. 

[00:33:14] Randi: Thanks for listening and normalizing mental health with us. 

[00:33:17] Jessica: Don't forget to check out our free resources and favorites on our website, unapologetically Randy and jess.com 

[00:33:24] Randi: like, and share this episode and tune in next week. The.