Transcript
WEBVTT
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Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.
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I'm randy.
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I'm And I'm Jess.
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And we are two licensed psychotherapists, and this is a safe space where we talk about mental health, well being, and strategies for coping with life's challenges.
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And how all of this is normal, and you are not alone.
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Today we're talking about something that every single one of us has faced at some point in our life, emotional setback, and more importantly, how to reclaim your power after you have them.
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This is such an important topic right now because, setbacks are inevitable.
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I'm, you know, I'm telling my kids this, it's going to happen.
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We're all going to have setbacks.
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How we respond to them is going to shape our mental health and overall wellbeing.
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And Randy, not to call you out, you've had a huge setback lately and how you respond to it and how you address it.
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This timing is perfect.
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I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier.
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I was
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like, oh, this is for me.
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And I didn't even think of it.
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Even not like intentionally.
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Not intentionally, but yeah.
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But
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yeah.
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Find us and more at womensmentalhealthpodcast.
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com.
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Let's do our Have You Ever Had These Thoughts.
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What does it mean to reclaim your power after an emotional setback?
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Is it normal to feel powerless after an emotional setback?
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What are the first steps to take when trying to reclaim your power?
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How can I stop blaming myself for setbacks that are out of my control?
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Can journaling help me reclaim my power?
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What role do support networks play in reclaiming my emotional power?
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How do I balance accepting health with maintaining my independence?
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This is hard, and that's really hard for me too, because I don't like asking for help.
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She doesn't.
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No.
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No,
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she doesn't.
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What if I feel like I'm not making progress fast enough?
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That's a huge one.
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People are like, I need it now.
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How can setting boundaries assist in regaining your emotional power back?
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How can I use mindfulness to overcome emotional setbacks?
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So let's define what are emotional setbacks.
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Let's start with the basics.
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Emotional setbacks happen when something disrupts your mental or emotional well being.
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This could be a breakup, losing a job, a fight with a loved one, even moments where you are doubting yourself.
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It can be anything.
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These are moments where you feel knocked off course, like you've lost your footing and you don't know how to move forward.
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Oh my god, Randy, I'm so sorry.
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I feel like I'm calling you out today.
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This is so one of us is gonna cry by the end.
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Yeah,
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totally.
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I was like, Don't make me cry.
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It's probably gonna be you.
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Well, and these setbacks, they can feel incredibly heavy.
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Thank you.
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It will be you.
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You will cry.
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It's you.
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Just it's going to be you.
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Okay, it's going to be all right.
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Emotional setbacks are a normal part of life.
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They don't mean you're failing.
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They mean you're human.
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And I need to.
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Tell that to myself because I, like you're human.
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This shit
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happens.
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Exactly.
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And sometimes they are out of your control.
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let's talk about why it's called reclaiming your power because these two go hand in hand.
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when you experience a setback, it feels like the situation or someone else.
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has control over your emotions, your energy, or even your life path.
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when you work on reclaiming your power, you're recognizing that while you may not have control over what happened, you do have control over how you respond.
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It's about stepping back into the seat, the driver's seat.
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of your life.
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No longer being a passenger princess.
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I don't know.
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I've been watching a lot of videos about passenger princesses.
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And I was like, Oh my gosh, there's some lady like seriously, went all out.
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This is what I've been like, tick tocking.
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Sorry.
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Okay.
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Also I want to say it's not about pretending that the setback didn't happen.
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It's not toxic positivity.
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It isn't gaslighting.
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It's really about acknowledging it and processing it and then deciding that it doesn't get to define your future.
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Yeah, and just making that initial acknowledgment is the first step that you're taking in reclaiming your power back after a setback.
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So how does this affect women and their mental health?
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emotional setbacks, they are so hard, because as women, we carry so much emotional labor, not just for ourselves, but for those around us.
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We take on so much.
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Honestly, as women, we have to try so much harder, I feel, to get things done or to stay on task, that's being ADHD, but also we have to work harder sometimes than men to prove where we are.
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To get ahead, to climb the ladder.
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Definitely.
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when these setbacks happen, because we carry that emotional labor, it feels like we're not just dealing with our own emotions, but everybody else's like when I had a huge setback with my company, it wasn't just all my feelings.
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I was feeling I was feeling the despair of having to let go of employees and contractors that, required that income so then I took on that emotional labor.
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I was told of that.
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And a friend was telling me the other day Randy they don't blame you.
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And I said, I know that.
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But I'm blaming myself which I didn't have any control over the setback that happened.
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But I was like I was still blaming myself.
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And like when I said that, I was like, I try to keep, I have so many, irons in the fire and it was creating burnout with that.
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Oh God,
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irons in the fire! I was trying to say that the other day and I was like Irons in the fire.
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It was oars in the fire.
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I kept saying oars in the fire.
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What?
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And I'm like, no, no, oars are in a river or a lake, but it was irons in the fire.
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Thank you,
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Randy, because that just popped in my head.
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But if we don't talk about these feelings.
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It creates anxiety, it creates depression, it creates a sense of being stuck, and that's where I'm at right now.
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Yeah.
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You are, and I can see it.
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I'm stuck,
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it snowballs into everything else, and it does.
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It feels stuck, and honestly, Randi, you do.
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You feel stuck right now, and I know you're trying, and you're moving forward, and you're trying to process everything that's happened.
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But it's been huge.
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So yeah, so let's move into the steps because I definitely need these.
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I hope our listeners need them too.
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It's just kismet that we're talking about that.
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I know that's so bizarre.
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So bizarre.
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Okay.
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So first I want you to acknowledge the setback.
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And I think you've done that,
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Don't downplay it.
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Don't Sweep it under the rug.
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Give yourself permission to feel the emotions, anger, sadness, disappointment, anxiety, worry, whatever comes up for you.
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remember that these are valid feelings just because somebody else may not see the situation as a big deal.
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It doesn't mean it's not significant for you.
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And here's the thing also is I want to give yourself the time to feel these things.
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If Randy is still like this in six months, I'm going to have issues with her, right?
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I know she's, where she's at right now because this is part of the process.
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it takes a while for you to process all of this.
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Yeah.
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another step to do is reframe the narrative.
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I've done some reframing narratives for my self work, but I haven't dived back into it, and I need to like address it again.
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What does it
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mean, reframing the narrative?
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Most people don't understand what that even means.
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You are retelling or reframing the story that you're telling yourself.
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Instead of seeing the setback as a failure, view it as a lesson learned or, a,
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a redirection, maybe a
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redirection.
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Like I try to look at it as, or what I'm trying to reframe it as right now is one door closing and another one opening.
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And maybe I don't see that other door open yet, but I will eventually walk through the door that I meant to.
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And that there's a reason that this door has closed and I've had this setback.
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Okay, so I'm going to reframe that for a second.
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I liked everything up until the reason there was a setback.
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The reason the setback happened was because somebody was an asshole.
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So that is, there's no reason for it.
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And so that's what we have a hard time with.
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That's a hard
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time because there was no rhyme, rhyme or reason why I was targeted for what happened.
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Exactly.
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Context was that all of my large social media.
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Platforms were hacked and sold.
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So so basically stolen, So stolen and so I had no control over that and yes, I had done everything to protect myself Yes from it and it still happened.
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So that's what's hard to grasp in a lot of these situations when you have had no hand And what has happened and it really is out of your control because I like to control everything
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It's not your fault, it's not, whoever the setback happens to, it's not your fault.
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only thing you can do is control where it goes through.
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So going back to your analogy, that door is closed.
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Yes, you have learned a lot in that door that might help you through your next door.
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But that isn't why it happened.
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So that's the only reason I want to fix that.
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We're doing therapy right now, guys.
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So just hang on.
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Hang on.
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Hold on.
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Pause.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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The other thing is I want you to set your boundaries for yourself and others.
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You know us in boundaries, man.
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Boundaries are key.
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Sometimes emotional setbacks come from giving too much of yourself or people or giving too much to people or giving too much to a situation and they don't reciprocate it and you're burnt out.
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reclaiming your power might look like saying no more often, stepping back from a toxic, relationship or friendship, or even setting boundaries with yourself and your own inner critic and negative self talk.
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And you really should do that anyway, because that stuff, she's awful.
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She should just set a boundary that she can't hang out.
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Negative self critic.
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Yeah, bitch bye.
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Exactly, bitch bye.
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also practice compassion.
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What does that look like?
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Randy?
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I
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dunno right now.
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Alright guys, nevermind.
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No, but this, no, really, this is huge and I feel as women, we are constantly struggling with being compassionate towards ourselves and having empathy towards ourselves because we are our worst critics.
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Mm-hmm And you have to tell yourself to treat.
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yourself the way you would a friend.
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If you're gonna say something nasty to yourself, I want you to say it out loud and would you say that to your child?
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Would you say that to your best friend?
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Right.
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Is that something if you're like, oh, just get over it.
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Or like you're so dumb, like how could you let this happen?
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Like you would never say that out loud to somebody.
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And if Rani
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said that to me, I would probably cry and I'm not a crier.
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I would probably be like, Oh my God, I cannot believe you just said that.
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Yeah,
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but if you think or write out the, or say out loud or write down the things that you say to yourself, sometimes you're like, what the F?
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Like, why am I talking to myself this way?
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That's horrible.
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Okay.
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So here it is.
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I like what you just said.
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I want you to write out that negative thought right that inner critic.
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I want you to write it out I want you to look at it.
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I want you to cross it out And I want you to literally rewrite Kindness and compassion in that statement.
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That's a
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really good idea.
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I'm gonna do that.
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You guys do that today Yeah,
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every time you have a negative thought god, why did you do that cross it out and rewrite it with kindness to yourself It wasn't something I did.
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I didn't choose this.
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Yeah, and that's a great way to remind yourself that setbacks are a part of life and you're doing the best that you can.
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Another thing that we can lead into is taking action, and every small step counts.
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Yes, every step counts.
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So once you are processing your emotions, you start taking steps, no matter how small.
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small, you move forward.
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It could be again, simple as journaling, going for a walk, reaching out for a friend, rewriting that negative critic.
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It doesn't have to be perfect.
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It just has to be forward.
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it doesn't mean you need to figure out what your next life plan is either, Randi.
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Oh, fine.
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I just called her out.
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It doesn't have to be the next big thing.
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I always feel like it needs to be bigger and better and more than what I did previously.
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Watch this.
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And that's my, that's my own, issue with myself.
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So let's answer some of the have you ever questions.
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So Jess, what does it mean to reclaim your power after an emotional setback?
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It means regaining the confidence and strength you may have felt you lost after that difficult experience.
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It's about taking control of your life and your narrative and moving forward.
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forward with a purpose and self assurance.
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And that's big.
