Oct. 9, 2024

Silence the Bully, Amplify Your Voice: Empowerment at Work

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Season 3

Ever felt like your office turned into an episode of "Mean Girls"? You're not alone, and it's high time we address this together, head-on. In this empowering episode, we delve into the strategies for overcoming office harassment, asserting your rights, and creating a sanctuary of mental wellness in your professional environment. Join our insightful conversation with seasoned mental health advocates, Randi Owsley and Jessica Bullwinkle, as they guide us through assertiveness training, coping strategies for workplace stress, and ways to foster healing after facing workplace abuse. If you're among the courageous women navigating these murky waters, let's unite under the broad canopy of Workplace Bullying Awareness and march towards a future where respect and equality aren't just optional—they're expected. Tune in to transform your professional challenges into stepping stones for empowerment and peace.

 Together, let's explore how we can weave a tapestry of Empathy and Support Networks at Work, creating an ecosystem where every woman feels seen, heard, and respected. As we dive into strategies for Creating Safe Work Spaces for Women, we're not just talking about physical safety; we're crafting environments where emotional and psychological wellness flourish.

We acknowledge the stress—that uninvited guest in our professional and personal lives. Together, we're going to Build our arsenal of calm amidst chaos, equipping ourselves with Coping Strategies for Workplace Stress. It's about more than surviving; it's about thriving, finding peace and power in places we least expect.

Your inner peace is your strength, the quiet yet profound rebellion against the grind. In the face of adversity, we stand tall, Building Resilience Against Work Bullying. It's not just about weathering the storm; it's about emerging stronger, with our spirits intact and our resolve unbroken.

Join us as we empower, uplift, and transform the narrative around women's mental health in the workplace. Your journey is our journey, and together, we'll break the stigma, building a future where every woman’s mental health is not just a footnote but a fundamental pillar of her success and well-being.

#ProtectYourPeaceNow #EmotionalWellnessMatters #FindYourInnerCalm #PrioritizeYourMentalHealth #HealthyBoundariesHappierLife #StressManagementStrategies #AnxietyReliefTips #ResilienceBuildingJourney #MindfulnessMatters #SelfCareEmpowerment

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Women's Mental Health Podcast, created by licensed psychotherapists Randi Owsley MSW and Jessica Bullwinkle LMFT, offers resources for those navigating mental health. This podcast or social media are not psychotherapy, a replacement for a therapeutic relationship, or substitute for mental health care. All thoughts expressed are for educational and entertainment purposes, no psychotherapeutic relationship exists by virtue of listening, commenting, or engaging. Our platform could contain affiliate links, which if used, might earn us a small commission at no extra cost to you.


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If this episode resonated with you, we warmly welcome you to explore more empowering conversations on the Women's Mental Health Podcast. Each episode is designed to connect, educate, and uplift our strong and resilient listeners, just like you.

Together, we grow, learn, and empower one another. Together, we break stigmas.

#Empowerment, #MentalHealth, #BreakTheStigma

Transcript
WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.319
Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.

00:00:02.350 --> 00:00:03.080
I'm randy.

00:00:03.080 --> 00:00:03.805
I'm And I'm Jess.

00:00:03.834 --> 00:00:12.544
And we are two licensed psychotherapists, and this is a safe space where we talk about mental health, well being, and strategies for coping with life's challenges.

00:00:12.605 --> 00:00:15.595
And how all of this is normal, and you are not alone.

00:00:15.884 --> 00:00:20.585
Today we're addressing a topic that unfortunately many women face in the workplace.

00:00:20.914 --> 00:00:23.065
How to deal with bullies at work.

00:00:23.265 --> 00:00:28.274
And it's such a good topic because it's so hard to tell, especially being women.

00:00:29.054 --> 00:00:33.604
If these are bullies and we constantly talk about bullies with our kids, but we never think about it.

00:00:33.979 --> 00:00:36.469
With ourselves and with the people we work with

00:00:36.500 --> 00:00:56.679
right and I mean there's lots of situations where it can happen And this kind of parallels what we talked about last week in our episode on burnout This can go like hand in hand with that Exactly, so you can find us and more information and our past episodes at women's mental health podcast comm Have you ever had these thoughts?

00:00:57.134 --> 00:01:00.134
What constitutes bullying in the workplace?

00:01:00.405 --> 00:01:03.225
Is workplace bullying a common experience?

00:01:03.494 --> 00:01:09.814
How can I tell the difference between tough management, somebody just talking to me straight, and bullying?

00:01:10.215 --> 00:01:10.484
What

00:01:10.484 --> 00:01:13.375
should I do if I'm experiencing bullying at work?

00:01:13.875 --> 00:01:17.174
Can men be victims of workplace bullying, too?

00:01:17.325 --> 00:01:18.215
That's a great question.

00:01:18.575 --> 00:01:21.305
How can workplace bullying affect mental health?

00:01:22.010 --> 00:01:30.709
What are the legal options for dealing with workplace bullying, especially if it's gotten out of control and you don't, you're not getting any help like at work?

00:01:30.739 --> 00:01:31.579
We'll talk about that.

00:01:31.689 --> 00:01:34.079
How can I support a colleague who is being bullied?

00:01:34.503 --> 00:01:38.072
Can a workplace culture be changed to prevent bullying?

00:01:38.087 --> 00:01:38.658
bullying.

00:01:38.727 --> 00:01:43.748
And that is such a, there's a whole entire thing about like organizational psychology.

00:01:43.768 --> 00:01:43.957
Yes.

00:01:43.977 --> 00:01:44.947
It's all about that.

00:01:45.227 --> 00:01:49.177
Where can I find resources and support in dealing with workplace bullying?

00:01:49.487 --> 00:01:50.987
So we'll answer these.

00:01:51.313 --> 00:01:54.272
thoughts about this topic towards the end.

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Workplace bullying can feel overwhelming and very isolating, especially for women, but you are not alone.

00:02:01.352 --> 00:02:06.022
So we're going to get into what this looks like and how you can take back control.

00:02:06.293 --> 00:02:10.802
We know what bullying is, but let's talk about what is it in the workplace.

00:02:11.122 --> 00:02:19.712
What this is repeated and harmful behavior directed at an employee that's intended to intimidate, humiliate, or undermine them.

00:02:20.092 --> 00:02:22.163
It can come in the form of verbal abuse.

00:02:22.687 --> 00:02:26.747
Exclusion, sabotage, or even physical intimidation.

00:02:27.018 --> 00:02:35.967
So unlike conflicts that arise from occasional disagreements, bullying is ongoing and has a power imbalance, which is huge right there.

00:02:35.987 --> 00:02:37.027
So like you said,

00:02:37.508 --> 00:02:39.388
repeated, repetitive.

00:02:39.862 --> 00:02:40.652
ongoing.

00:02:40.652 --> 00:02:42.013
So this is like a constant.

00:02:42.022 --> 00:02:45.193
It's not like this happened, once, upon a time.

00:02:45.193 --> 00:02:46.643
This is ongoing.

00:02:46.992 --> 00:02:49.622
And it can be very subtle, too.

00:02:49.973 --> 00:02:53.643
For example, someone might start spreading rumors.

00:02:53.943 --> 00:03:15.742
They could, Constantly be like criticizing your work, maybe to others or even to you, they might exclude you from important meanings and projects and then play it off Oh, I just forgot, but when you start seeing this pattern emerge, then that their intention is to chip away at your confidence.

00:03:15.822 --> 00:03:22.421
And take you down at your place on the rung in the ladder in the workplace, maybe they feel threatened by you.

00:03:22.622 --> 00:03:26.072
Or what they're trying to do is block you from moving up.

00:03:26.461 --> 00:03:35.641
I've seen that before too, where they block you and you don't know that they're blocking you until way later that you're like, that's why I couldn't get

00:03:35.641 --> 00:03:36.472
out of the department.

00:03:36.812 --> 00:03:42.111
That's why I didn't get that promotion or, I didn't know that there was a job opening and things like that.

00:03:42.342 --> 00:03:43.171
Exactly.

00:03:43.171 --> 00:03:48.042
And what they're really doing oftentimes, too, is trying to keep you there because it serves them a purpose.

00:03:48.382 --> 00:03:51.382
Because maybe you're doing part of the job that they don't want to do.

00:03:51.581 --> 00:03:54.222
And so if you move, they have to step up and do it.

00:03:54.252 --> 00:03:59.842
And so sometimes it's the intimidation is there because it serves, well, it always serves them a purpose.

00:04:00.431 --> 00:04:01.972
But yeah, I've seen that.

00:04:02.198 --> 00:04:04.802
it's important to understand that workplace bullying is a problem.

00:04:04.939 --> 00:04:08.409
isn't just having a bad day or a single argument.

00:04:08.430 --> 00:04:09.669
Yeah, it's not a once off.

00:04:09.710 --> 00:04:13.556
No, and there are times people get in fights the most common I hear about is the AC.

00:04:14.026 --> 00:04:15.766
Somebody wants it colder than somebody else.

00:04:15.766 --> 00:04:19.826
Like how many offices have you been in where they actually have a freaking lock?

00:04:20.101 --> 00:04:25.262
on the AC thing because that is the thermostat because that is the biggest fight people have.

00:04:25.552 --> 00:04:26.341
That's not bullying.

00:04:26.351 --> 00:04:30.341
Yeah, it's not surrounded around your workplace or your career.

00:04:30.632 --> 00:04:31.112
Exactly.

00:04:31.391 --> 00:04:32.641
What it is a pattern.

00:04:32.641 --> 00:04:40.151
What Randy was talking about is this pattern that makes you feel unsafe, Disrespected or devalued in your work environment.

00:04:40.161 --> 00:04:42.112
Oh, that's such a powerful word.

00:04:42.122 --> 00:04:43.041
Devalued.

00:04:43.312 --> 00:04:43.891
I like that.

00:04:43.891 --> 00:04:44.591
Devalued.

00:04:44.762 --> 00:04:48.682
So where does workplace bullying come from?

00:04:48.682 --> 00:04:52.651
Like where can we see the patterns or the origins of this?

00:04:52.701 --> 00:04:54.382
Where did it all start from?

00:04:55.029 --> 00:04:57.889
this all starts from power dynamics.

00:04:58.069 --> 00:05:00.160
Somebody wants to be in power.

00:05:00.180 --> 00:05:04.509
They might feel threatened by you, by your skills or your position.

00:05:04.860 --> 00:05:06.329
They want to assert dominance.

00:05:06.350 --> 00:05:09.079
They want to compensate for their own insecurities.

00:05:09.089 --> 00:05:10.029
Their tiny penis.

00:05:10.029 --> 00:05:12.310
Small dick.

00:05:12.360 --> 00:05:15.600
I like that small dick energy.

00:05:16.019 --> 00:05:16.329
Okay.

00:05:16.329 --> 00:05:16.925
Okay.

00:05:17.095 --> 00:05:32.762
But what this is, in some toxic work environments, the culture may even unintentionally encourage bullying by rewarding aggressive or competitive behavior instead of being collaborative, I think of those old car sales, where they do those competitions.

00:05:32.791 --> 00:05:33.442
Yeah, I think

00:05:33.442 --> 00:05:36.901
of, like, when I watch, too on Netflix a lawyer show or something.

00:05:36.942 --> 00:05:37.242
Yeah.

00:05:37.242 --> 00:05:38.961
They set each other a standard.

00:05:39.762 --> 00:05:57.437
Yeah, against like you're making partner and you have to take on so many cases and work 5, 000 hours and put in all this extra time and then maybe we'll consider you and it's and often, especially women, since we are paid less and often seen as less as a person as our male colleagues.

00:05:57.586 --> 00:06:07.107
Counterparts that we are always trying to overexcel and overextend ourselves and do more than is necessary.

00:06:07.416 --> 00:06:10.197
that can feed into this, behavior.

00:06:10.226 --> 00:06:13.086
Well, and that's like the Clinton suit, We got to all wear pantsuits.

00:06:13.127 --> 00:06:15.846
You can't dress feminine if you're in an executive position.

00:06:15.857 --> 00:06:17.326
I've seen women do that where.

00:06:17.752 --> 00:06:25.971
They dress a little bit more manly at work, and I don't want to call it manly or not feminine, because they're trying to, More unisex.

00:06:26.112 --> 00:06:26.872
There you go.

00:06:26.882 --> 00:06:27.802
That's so much better.

00:06:27.812 --> 00:06:28.281
Thank you.

00:06:28.331 --> 00:06:29.492
Yes, more unisex.

00:06:29.589 --> 00:06:32.699
Because they're trying to make it so they earn it.

00:06:32.709 --> 00:06:38.079
They didn't sleep their way to the top, but they're trying to play with what we used to call the big boys,

00:06:38.920 --> 00:06:39.139
Yeah.

00:06:39.139 --> 00:06:54.569
Or the boys club and that leads into the societal, components of things that there is like a norm, that women should be seen a certain way or women shouldn't be in the workplace as like history had laid out before.

00:06:54.569 --> 00:06:55.930
And it's no, we're here.

00:06:56.120 --> 00:06:57.069
We're powerful.

00:06:57.139 --> 00:06:57.949
We're important.

00:06:58.170 --> 00:06:59.220
Ooh, wait, hang on.

00:06:59.632 --> 00:07:00.632
Everybody who's listening.

00:07:00.632 --> 00:07:02.622
I just want you to say we're here.

00:07:03.052 --> 00:07:04.132
We're powerful.

00:07:04.163 --> 00:07:05.423
We are important.

00:07:05.612 --> 00:07:06.283
We're here.

00:07:06.773 --> 00:07:08.002
We're powerful.

00:07:08.293 --> 00:07:10.023
We are important.

00:07:10.083 --> 00:07:11.653
I'm just, I had to repeat that right there.

00:07:11.673 --> 00:07:11.973
Yeah.

00:07:12.233 --> 00:07:25.062
And so this kind of leads to, in some cases that bullies target women specifically because of these gender stereotypes or because they perceive those stereotypes to be true.

00:07:25.072 --> 00:07:32.971
Maybe they've been raised a certain way and they're using tactics to undermine your authority or your professional standing.

00:07:33.161 --> 00:07:33.971
Well, think about it.

00:07:33.971 --> 00:07:41.211
You just recently went and purchased a larger item recently and the sales person, Oh, she's like cringing and trying to breathe.

00:07:41.591 --> 00:07:47.572
The salesperson didn't talk to you, but went to your husband and your husband turned around and said, Oh, no, I'm not the one buying it.

00:07:47.572 --> 00:07:48.911
You need to talk to her, her money.

00:07:49.112 --> 00:07:51.732
And he still talked to him over

00:07:51.742 --> 00:07:52.052
me.

00:07:52.062 --> 00:07:52.512
Yes.

00:07:52.831 --> 00:07:59.252
And then we ended up going to a different person to purchase something and that was all fine and dandy.

00:07:59.252 --> 00:08:02.581
But then we went to the financing department.

00:08:02.872 --> 00:08:04.221
We hadn't met them before.

00:08:04.252 --> 00:08:07.882
And I'm literally writing the check.

00:08:07.932 --> 00:08:10.312
Everything is only in my name only.

00:08:10.362 --> 00:08:13.262
My partner and my kids are there with me, cause they were excited.

00:08:13.591 --> 00:08:20.841
And He's sitting there ignoring me and talking to him and asking him, so what do you do for work?

00:08:21.201 --> 00:08:27.891
I've had financing guys do that too, where I'm sitting there putting, my husband's social, I'm doing everything, I'm filling it out and I'm, working it out.

00:08:27.942 --> 00:08:30.422
And yes, he is the mathematician and he does all the math.

00:08:30.891 --> 00:08:34.351
And the guy was like, Oh, your wife knows all this.

00:08:34.351 --> 00:08:37.741
He goes, Oh yeah I'd be lost without her, but she's probably not going to be lost without me.

00:08:38.207 --> 00:08:48.398
Even when I went with my husband to buy something with him too, he still said, you have to get through her for me to make this final decision.

00:08:48.408 --> 00:08:50.048
So don't treat her like crap.

00:08:50.087 --> 00:08:52.538
And they still are like, what color do you want?

00:08:52.538 --> 00:08:54.878
And I'm like, I don't, that's not what I'm here for.

00:08:54.927 --> 00:08:55.518
Do you know there's

00:08:55.518 --> 00:08:59.857
a mirror in the visor and you're like, Do I care?

00:08:59.888 --> 00:09:00.888
How fast does this go?

00:09:00.888 --> 00:09:01.067
Yeah.

00:09:01.067 --> 00:09:01.177
I

00:09:01.177 --> 00:09:02.508
was like, tell me about the engine.

00:09:02.518 --> 00:09:03.557
Tell me about the warranty.

00:09:03.618 --> 00:09:11.857
Anyway, so this workplace bullying, how does it affect us as women via our mental health?

00:09:12.429 --> 00:09:17.820
When we, as women are bullied in the workplace, it has such a huge impact.

00:09:18.129 --> 00:09:25.009
On our mental health, it leads to chronic stress and anxiety and depression, even PTSD.

00:09:25.090 --> 00:09:29.870
And if we could diagnose it, we would probably call it compound PTSD, CPTSD.

00:09:29.870 --> 00:09:34.350
It is not a diagnosis yet, but that is when all of this just builds and builds.

00:09:34.399 --> 00:09:38.009
And we get this compounded PTSD, this constant.

00:09:38.164 --> 00:09:40.134
feeling of being under attack.

00:09:40.554 --> 00:09:44.585
It will erode your self confidence and it's going to really make it.

00:09:44.595 --> 00:09:49.855
So not only are you occupationally burnt out, listen to our podcast that we did on that.

00:09:50.184 --> 00:09:52.654
You're not going to be able to enjoy your work and you're going to leave.

00:09:52.664 --> 00:09:53.865
And that's what they're trying to do.

00:09:53.875 --> 00:09:57.433
They are trying to make your life miserable and make you leave.

00:09:58.014 --> 00:09:59.644
Because they don't want you there anymore.

00:09:59.955 --> 00:10:02.554
And unfortunately, sometimes there's nothing you can do.

00:10:02.565 --> 00:10:07.075
We'll talk later about this, but sometimes you have to leave because it isn't going to change, right?

00:10:07.075 --> 00:10:10.205
If it's unhealthy and it's toxic, exactly.

00:10:10.205 --> 00:10:12.605
You have to take like these steps to protect yourself.

00:10:13.115 --> 00:10:19.504
And especially as women, we often internalize these experiences.

00:10:19.514 --> 00:10:21.534
So instead of like letting it out.

00:10:21.924 --> 00:10:31.514
We pull it in and that makes us question our ability, question our career, like feeling sometimes like we're the problem.

00:10:31.524 --> 00:10:36.654
Almost like we're being, gaslit and that we start thinking like, is it me?

00:10:36.894 --> 00:10:37.240
Is it them?

00:10:37.240 --> 00:10:37.845
Is it me?

00:10:37.875 --> 00:10:39.514
And then we start singing Taylor Swift songs.

00:10:39.514 --> 00:10:40.379
It's me.

00:10:40.379 --> 00:10:41.673
I'm the problem.

00:10:41.674 --> 00:10:42.274
I'm the problem.

00:10:42.274 --> 00:10:43.664
And I don't know.

00:10:43.664 --> 00:10:52.404
Sometimes I feel like that song, even though I love her, did a disservice because I think we're taught that we are often the problem, but we are usually not the problem.

00:10:52.445 --> 00:10:55.615
And we will always say sorry first, always say sorry.

00:10:55.615 --> 00:10:59.414
Listen to our other podcasts about saying no and stop saying sorry.

00:10:59.794 --> 00:11:14.455
all these things compounded can lead to feelings of self doubt feeling helplessness, feeling hopelessness, and this can spill over then from the workplace into your personal life, your personal relationships.

00:11:14.485 --> 00:11:15.585
It can affect your sleep.

00:11:15.615 --> 00:11:16.044
Yes.

00:11:16.105 --> 00:11:18.554
It can affect your physical body.

00:11:18.554 --> 00:11:21.475
It can affect your overall just well being.

00:11:21.658 --> 00:11:24.225
It, bleeds over into everything.

00:11:24.504 --> 00:11:28.215
And honestly, we are already exhausted for the most part.

00:11:28.215 --> 00:11:29.534
We're caring for our family.

00:11:29.794 --> 00:11:33.245
We may be managing our own health issues, going through perimenopause.

00:11:33.245 --> 00:11:39.811
At this point, most of us are starting to hit these different hormonal things, dealing with basic societal pressures.

00:11:39.850 --> 00:11:42.160
And then we got to deal with this crap at work too.

00:11:42.201 --> 00:11:47.514
And so this is where it becomes so overwhelming You have to like, find relief or escape.

00:11:47.825 --> 00:11:56.274
that's hard when you get to that point where you're just like, I can't handle it anymore because, again, these things that can lead into other mental health issues and addictions.

00:11:56.284 --> 00:11:57.125
Over shopping.

00:11:57.125 --> 00:11:58.054
Over spending.

00:11:58.054 --> 00:11:58.955
Like drinking.

00:11:59.105 --> 00:12:00.664
'cause you're trying to, eating, yeah.

00:12:00.664 --> 00:12:01.325
Overeating.

00:12:01.325 --> 00:12:06.004
You're trying to escape this reality that you feel like is out of control.

00:12:06.004 --> 00:12:10.335
And so you're trying to take back control of things, but then it can spiral out of control.

00:12:10.544 --> 00:12:16.965
So how do we start to take back control and cope with workplace bullying?

00:12:17.321 --> 00:12:22.410
Something I learned, very young age, is document everything.

00:12:22.471 --> 00:12:26.360
Oh yeah, a calendar, a day planner, anything, notes in your phone.

00:12:26.471 --> 00:12:27.900
Do not keep

00:12:27.900 --> 00:12:37.600
it in your work computer and work file because if they fire you, they take your laptop, they shut you down, you can't get to your emails.

00:12:37.671 --> 00:12:56.663
Always blind copy yourself at home in a separate email that you know you just keep for this Or just a separate file so you have your copies, Keep record of the incident, the date, the times, what was said or done, any witnesses, what your involvement was, if you know what caused or started this.

00:12:57.163 --> 00:13:05.062
Documentation can help you build a case if you decide to report the behavior to HR or if you're going to go get legal help.

00:13:05.332 --> 00:13:08.173
If you don't have documentation, You have no proof.

00:13:08.192 --> 00:13:08.472
It is.

00:13:08.482 --> 00:13:12.222
He said, she said, and you have to document.

00:13:12.243 --> 00:13:12.562
Yeah.

00:13:12.592 --> 00:13:16.153
And it's really hard to recall things to at a later date.

00:13:16.163 --> 00:13:16.533
Yes.

00:13:16.562 --> 00:13:23.123
They even say like somebody who just witnessed a crime, they go in and say what happens and it's not even 24 hours later and.

00:13:25.293 --> 00:13:30.743
So if you're thinking back, six months or a year and you're like, I think this happened, I think this person was there.

00:13:30.743 --> 00:13:32.743
I think this, that's just even more stress.

00:13:32.743 --> 00:13:37.133
So if, once you start noticing this is happening, definitely document it.

00:13:37.283 --> 00:13:45.763
The other thing for documentation too, in addition to writing some states, check with your state, you can record without the other person's permission.

00:13:46.265 --> 00:13:51.066
maybe you want to take and make a recording of what is happening or the conversation.

00:13:51.066 --> 00:13:51.855
So you have it.

00:13:52.176 --> 00:14:02.206
But again, check with your state laws because some states it's illegal and so you can't use it unless you say, I'm recording you, but in a lot of states it's legal.

00:14:02.216 --> 00:14:04.725
So it's all fair game to record that kind of stuff.

00:14:05.062 --> 00:14:05.802
What else, Randy?

00:14:05.870 --> 00:14:09.720
You should, as we always talk about, set boundaries.

00:14:10.019 --> 00:14:11.769
So we have a podcast about that too.

00:14:11.769 --> 00:14:14.210
We have lots of articles on it on our website.

00:14:14.480 --> 00:14:19.629
So first start to see if you can limit your interactions with the bully.

00:14:19.629 --> 00:14:20.179
Okay.

00:14:20.500 --> 00:14:27.519
If that's not possible because you're working, your boss, it's your coworker, your colleague, you're a day to day action.

00:14:27.519 --> 00:14:28.129
That's hard.

00:14:28.460 --> 00:14:31.799
You don't have to engage in their behavior.

00:14:31.850 --> 00:14:35.340
You don't have to accept their mistreatment of you.

00:14:35.750 --> 00:14:40.600
You can still be professional and say, no, I won't allow that.

00:14:40.900 --> 00:14:43.221
Use assertive communication.

00:14:43.370 --> 00:14:44.301
Don't apologize.

00:14:44.620 --> 00:14:45.000
Yeah.

00:14:45.191 --> 00:14:48.990
Stand your ground without being confrontational.

00:14:49.341 --> 00:15:01.878
It's really hard because we, as women are taught like you're so emotional and this that and the other, like when you even just, yeah, talk about things that are bothering you when you're trying to be professional, people can twist it.

00:15:02.081 --> 00:15:04.148
So just tell yourself, stay calm.

00:15:04.258 --> 00:15:10.628
And set those boundaries, write down what you are not going to accept and try to implement them.

00:15:11.138 --> 00:15:13.087
And then next, Jess, what should you do?

00:15:13.378 --> 00:15:13.618
As

00:15:13.618 --> 00:15:15.347
always seek support.

00:15:15.455 --> 00:15:17.551
If You think this is what's happening.

00:15:17.581 --> 00:15:19.410
I want you to talk to someone that you trust.

00:15:19.431 --> 00:15:21.721
It could be your partner.

00:15:21.770 --> 00:15:23.260
It could be a colleague at work.

00:15:23.280 --> 00:15:24.350
It could be your boss.

00:15:24.370 --> 00:15:29.380
It could be anybody that you trust because you don't have to face this alone.

00:15:29.691 --> 00:15:32.571
What I want you to do is get the support system and have it in place.

00:15:32.586 --> 00:15:39.316
Place and have yourself grounded so that way you can get a different perspective and really look at the situation.

00:15:39.615 --> 00:15:46.615
And I don't mean to say that as women, like we don't have perspective, but sometimes having the validation that, yeah, that is an okay to say.

00:15:46.956 --> 00:15:53.966
Having extra support can really help you learn how to be assertive and learn how to stand your ground.

00:15:53.975 --> 00:15:54.145
Yeah,

00:15:54.145 --> 00:15:58.716
especially if they have eroded your confidence or somebody in your past life has.

00:15:58.796 --> 00:15:59.135
Yes.

00:15:59.155 --> 00:16:01.086
And you do question yourself.

00:16:01.326 --> 00:16:17.365
This is a good starting place to say, Hey, I was told this, or this was said to me what do you think of this if you were in my situation, and then, like you said, getting that validation and understanding it, or maybe seeing it from somebody else's perspective can really help you.

00:16:17.440 --> 00:16:19.299
Move forward through this.

00:16:19.460 --> 00:16:21.940
The other thing is to know what your rights are.

00:16:21.980 --> 00:16:24.610
That is so huge because they vary

00:16:24.610 --> 00:16:26.289
from state to state.

00:16:26.320 --> 00:16:26.539
Yeah.

00:16:26.539 --> 00:16:33.450
And company to company and some companies too, like their headquarters is in a different state than the state you're in.

00:16:33.460 --> 00:16:35.289
And those lines can converge too.

00:16:35.309 --> 00:16:36.620
So you need to do research.

00:16:36.879 --> 00:16:40.039
And it really actually does boil down to your state.

00:16:40.360 --> 00:16:44.000
If you have, if their headquarters are in one state, that's great.

00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:44.029
Yeah.

00:16:44.049 --> 00:16:47.419
If you work in a different state, they have to follow that state.

00:16:47.750 --> 00:16:50.879
And so that's where everything gets really weird about it.

00:16:51.159 --> 00:16:52.419
But you should know, you're right.

00:16:52.490 --> 00:16:58.779
Educate on your company's policies and procedures regarding bullying and harassment and workplace conduct.

00:16:59.120 --> 00:16:59.679
If you.

00:16:59.738 --> 00:17:04.887
are getting bullied and it does persist, you might have to take it up the ladder to H.

00:17:04.928 --> 00:17:05.258
R.

00:17:05.258 --> 00:17:06.728
Or to upper management.

00:17:07.077 --> 00:17:10.567
There are words such as workplace retaliation.

00:17:10.657 --> 00:17:16.367
That is a huge red flag in businesses because somebody is retaliating against you.

00:17:16.768 --> 00:17:18.587
Those are things that they look for.

00:17:18.607 --> 00:17:22.377
Just be careful before you say those words that you have your

00:17:22.428 --> 00:17:23.048
evidence.

00:17:23.393 --> 00:17:27.093
Right, and that you can trust the person that you are speaking to.

00:17:27.103 --> 00:17:27.813
Yes.

00:17:27.863 --> 00:17:40.613
They aren't somehow connected to the person not that I'm not saying that's your fault because it's not I'm saying that Sometimes you just never know what somebody else's intentions are.

00:17:40.702 --> 00:17:43.563
So to always protect yourself and be sure of

00:17:43.772 --> 00:17:44.153
who

00:17:44.163 --> 00:17:47.173
you are speaking your vulnerability to.

00:17:47.542 --> 00:17:49.053
And honestly, I'm going to tell you this.

00:17:49.173 --> 00:17:51.153
HR is not really there for you.

00:17:51.252 --> 00:17:54.093
A lot of people think that they're there for the company.

00:17:54.093 --> 00:17:55.972
They're there, their assets, not yours.

00:17:55.982 --> 00:17:56.932
Exactly.

00:17:56.952 --> 00:18:02.492
People are like, well, HR, no human resources gets paid by the same person you do, and they want to keep their job.

00:18:02.873 --> 00:18:03.343
Yes.

00:18:03.577 --> 00:18:05.928
They are there to make sure the laws are being followed.

00:18:05.958 --> 00:18:10.117
And yes, they're there to provide assistance in the grand scheme of things.

00:18:10.147 --> 00:18:13.048
They are there to protect the company, right?

00:18:13.087 --> 00:18:13.337
That

00:18:13.337 --> 00:18:15.907
corporation and limit their windfall.

00:18:15.917 --> 00:18:20.867
So remember that, yeah, you always need to be your number one advocate.

00:18:20.928 --> 00:18:24.667
Nobody else is going to go to bat for you a hundred percent like you are.

00:18:25.147 --> 00:18:28.008
And then the next thing too, that we always.

00:18:28.893 --> 00:18:36.813
again and again is practice self care because this takes a serious toll on your mental health, your physical health.

00:18:37.202 --> 00:18:48.403
So you need to take time to unwind to prioritize things that you love so you can recharge and you can fill up your cup, whether that's meditation, exercises, hobbies.

00:18:49.042 --> 00:18:52.012
This will help you manage that stress.

00:18:52.073 --> 00:18:52.173
A

00:18:52.173 --> 00:18:53.053
mental health day.

00:18:53.093 --> 00:18:55.863
Take a day off to do whatever you want or do nothing.

00:18:55.863 --> 00:18:57.992
Go play in your garden or blow bubbles.

00:18:58.272 --> 00:19:01.413
Whatever it is that you need if you were being harassed at work.

00:19:01.613 --> 00:19:10.313
If you have friends or family that are being bullied at work, All of this that we are talking about, you can help provide support in the same way.

00:19:10.692 --> 00:19:12.732
You can tell them, the same thing.

00:19:12.732 --> 00:19:21.613
The first thing is listen to them without any judgment, validate their feelings and let them know that they're not overreacting, which is a huge piece right here.

00:19:21.994 --> 00:19:23.474
They are not overreacting.

00:19:23.484 --> 00:19:23.634
Especially

00:19:23.634 --> 00:19:26.474
as women, because we are often told, again, that we are overreacting.

00:19:26.914 --> 00:19:27.674
Yeah, you're

00:19:27.684 --> 00:19:27.954
being

00:19:27.954 --> 00:19:29.204
so dramatic.

00:19:29.204 --> 00:19:31.015
And it's no, I'm just really upset.

00:19:31.825 --> 00:19:32.575
Exactly.

00:19:32.744 --> 00:19:34.365
Especially, oh, I get so mad.

00:19:34.365 --> 00:19:35.515
When I get mad, I cry.

00:19:35.994 --> 00:19:39.255
And I hate that, because then I feel like I'm being weak, because you know I don't like crying.

00:19:39.265 --> 00:19:39.565
Yeah.

00:19:39.634 --> 00:19:43.174
And then when I cry, because I'm upset, I'm like no, I'm really just pissed right now.

00:19:43.424 --> 00:19:45.605
So what else can we do for our friends and family, Randy?

00:19:45.958 --> 00:19:48.298
Same kind of steps that we talked about.

00:19:48.307 --> 00:20:09.498
If this was happening to yourself, you would want to offer them the same thing, make sure they talk to HR, if that's important, that they're talking to a therapist, if they need more support, that they have legal counsel, if that's the way that this is going, just really offer to help them to like research things if it's overwhelming and be there for them.

00:20:09.498 --> 00:20:11.107
If they want to vent.

00:20:11.428 --> 00:20:12.147
Exactly.

00:20:12.307 --> 00:20:27.448
The other thing too is a lot of companies will offer EAP, which is, I can't remember the ding initials, what they stand for, but it is therapy that usually get three to five sessions covered through your, through a provider and they can't check on those notes.

00:20:28.208 --> 00:20:31.738
They can make sure though that everything is being taken care of.

00:20:31.748 --> 00:20:37.508
So we, I used to do a lot of the EAP therapy, employee assistance, since program, Oh, you're

00:20:37.508 --> 00:20:37.887
so good.

00:20:39.178 --> 00:20:40.928
Anyways, late to the game, but yeah.

00:20:41.367 --> 00:20:41.647
Yeah.

00:20:41.647 --> 00:20:47.837
So that's just another way to get out there and vent to somebody that isn't directly involved with your work environment.

00:20:47.847 --> 00:20:57.298
But be careful because sometimes if you're using EAP, they will ask for you to give a release so they can, the therapist can provide it back to the workplace.

00:20:57.307 --> 00:20:58.317
Say hell no.

00:20:58.607 --> 00:21:00.817
Especially, and that's what sometimes people do.

00:21:00.817 --> 00:21:01.288
As a therapist,

00:21:01.288 --> 00:21:02.008
I am big on.

00:21:02.288 --> 00:21:06.817
Protecting people's confidentiality and that notes aren't used against you.

00:21:06.847 --> 00:21:07.008
Okay.

00:21:07.008 --> 00:21:08.028
I'm going to get off my soapbox.

00:21:08.464 --> 00:21:11.057
let's go through and answer our, have you evers,

00:21:11.147 --> 00:21:11.397
Randy.

00:21:11.877 --> 00:21:16.008
Okay, Jess, what constitutes bullying in the workplace?

00:21:16.343 --> 00:21:31.063
Okay, so because it can be such a gray area, it includes actions that are unwarranted, invalid criticism, exclusion, being singled out for different kind of treatment or any form of intimidation.

00:21:31.452 --> 00:21:34.663
It's about looking for the patterns, not, one offs.

00:21:34.673 --> 00:21:35.792
It's not a bad day.

00:21:36.083 --> 00:21:38.032
It feels like you are being targeted.

00:21:38.363 --> 00:21:39.643
It feels persistent.

00:21:39.903 --> 00:21:42.932
And so it is worth taking a look at this very seriously.

00:21:43.752 --> 00:21:44.252
Randi.

00:21:44.528 --> 00:21:47.018
Is workplace bullying a common experience?

00:21:47.347 --> 00:21:47.788
Yes,

00:21:47.827 --> 00:21:48.928
unfortunately.

00:21:49.327 --> 00:22:07.367
While the depth of the bullying may vary, many individuals, especially women have faced some sort of bullying or intimidation at work, not even at work, just in life in general, like I've been bullied by strange, men at the store or things like that.

00:22:07.748 --> 00:22:10.387
So you are not alone in this.

00:22:10.730 --> 00:22:15.417
You have to realize that it's a reflection of the bully.

00:22:15.448 --> 00:22:15.768
Yes.

00:22:16.272 --> 00:22:20.942
And their feelings, their inadequacies, not yours.

00:22:21.272 --> 00:22:23.472
And again, I want to go back to exclusion.

00:22:23.823 --> 00:22:26.472
Oftentimes we think bullying is something else.

00:22:26.502 --> 00:22:29.119
Exclusion is part of stonewalling.

00:22:29.150 --> 00:22:30.890
It is a form of abuse.

00:22:30.960 --> 00:22:47.154
I recently talked about some things going on at the teen school and it was exclusion, which again, This happens at work all the time is you don't get invited to not just like hanging out after work, a project, they don't choose you, they're choosing other people besides you.

00:22:47.154 --> 00:22:47.914
And it's obvious

00:22:48.505 --> 00:22:52.394
elementary school in the playground when your shows last for the team what is this?

00:22:52.454 --> 00:22:52.914
Exactly.

00:22:53.595 --> 00:22:58.325
And so that is exclusion and exclusion is a form of bullying.

00:22:58.335 --> 00:23:03.214
It is a form of abuse and you do not have to put up with that.

00:23:03.633 --> 00:23:19.893
So just how then can we tell the difference between somebody that's just like a tough manager or, somebody who has a certain type of personality and maybe they come off like a little abrupt versus somebody who is intentionally bullying you.

00:23:20.294 --> 00:23:27.973
tough management is about pushing for performance in a way that's respectful and it is supposed to help you grow.

00:23:28.364 --> 00:23:31.253
It is supposed to encourage you.

00:23:31.523 --> 00:23:33.584
Bullying feels very personal.

00:23:33.614 --> 00:23:35.243
It is demoralizing.

00:23:35.493 --> 00:23:38.314
It lacks any constructive purpose.

00:23:38.604 --> 00:23:43.074
It is a power play rather than looking for productivity.

00:23:43.084 --> 00:23:46.933
They are trying to show you that they are more powerful than you.

00:23:47.433 --> 00:23:49.084
They are not trying to show you.

00:23:49.348 --> 00:23:50.318
How to get ahead.

00:23:50.419 --> 00:23:54.259
They want to say they're better than you or that you are less than them.

00:23:54.288 --> 00:23:55.749
Yeah, it's not helpful.

00:23:55.749 --> 00:23:56.499
It's harmful.

00:23:57.048 --> 00:23:57.709
I like that.

00:23:58.259 --> 00:24:00.679
Randy, what do we do if we're experiencing this at work?

00:24:01.259 --> 00:24:03.878
First, know that your feelings are valid.

00:24:04.459 --> 00:24:08.318
Whether you're stressed, you're upset, you're mad, you're angry.

00:24:08.724 --> 00:24:09.525
That's valid.

00:24:09.615 --> 00:24:11.394
Then again, like we said document.

00:24:11.744 --> 00:24:13.115
Seek support from others.

00:24:13.398 --> 00:24:29.075
HR, if that's necessary, start understanding your rights and remember that your mental health, your physical health, take precedence over all this BS and seeking that external support, like counseling.

00:24:29.484 --> 00:24:35.174
Or a friend event too can be a really Empowering and powerful step that you take

00:24:35.605 --> 00:24:45.984
And I guess I want to go back and preface that hr isn't bad I don't want you to think your hr is bad I do want you to go to hr if that's where you need to be Hr is there to help you.

00:24:46.005 --> 00:24:56.939
They are there to mitigate any issues between people at work and within the company because that is also protecting the company I just want people to realize that they're not always there just for you.

00:24:57.028 --> 00:24:57.818
There's just good

00:24:57.818 --> 00:24:59.538
to always be self aware of.

00:24:59.888 --> 00:25:00.699
All the way.

00:25:00.838 --> 00:25:02.919
Probably because Jess and I are overthinkers,

00:25:03.368 --> 00:25:05.979
that No, we just don't trust nobody.

00:25:05.989 --> 00:25:07.239
Yeah, we don't trust nobody.

00:25:07.288 --> 00:25:07.348
No,

00:25:07.398 --> 00:25:07.669
no,

00:25:07.749 --> 00:25:08.878
that's really what it comes down to.

00:25:08.878 --> 00:25:09.298
That's true.

00:25:11.088 --> 00:25:13.148
Sorry if we're coming off really negative sometimes.

00:25:13.148 --> 00:25:13.378
No.

00:25:13.378 --> 00:25:14.118
We've just been through a lot.

00:25:14.288 --> 00:25:15.078
No, we're not sorry.

00:25:15.229 --> 00:25:15.459
No.

00:25:15.608 --> 00:25:15.999
No, okay.

00:25:16.229 --> 00:25:16.608
You're right.

00:25:16.608 --> 00:25:17.098
We're not sorry.

00:25:17.128 --> 00:25:17.659
Don't say sorry.

00:25:19.269 --> 00:25:24.259
So Jess, when it comes down to it, can men also be victims of workplace bullying?

00:25:24.308 --> 00:25:24.689
Yeah,

00:25:24.759 --> 00:25:25.469
absolutely.

00:25:25.598 --> 00:25:25.939
100%.

00:25:25.989 --> 00:25:28.048
Bullying does not know a gender.

00:25:28.388 --> 00:25:38.565
I have known men who have gotten blocked from promotions or leaving departments because their boss was intimidated by them and they did not want them to be successful.

00:25:38.795 --> 00:25:41.505
So it doesn't just focus on women.

00:25:41.884 --> 00:25:51.585
Anybody can be bullied in the workplace, and so it is really important to be aware of that and find support, whether you're a woman or a man listening.

00:25:52.109 --> 00:25:53.470
And we do have them out there, by the way.

00:25:53.549 --> 00:25:54.039
We do.

00:25:54.109 --> 00:25:54.420
We do.

00:25:54.549 --> 00:25:54.759
Okay.

00:25:54.819 --> 00:25:54.960
Hi.

00:25:54.980 --> 00:25:55.579
Hi, men.

00:25:56.289 --> 00:26:00.710
We appreciate you being here and trying to be more self aware, helping your partners.

00:26:00.710 --> 00:26:01.400
We love that.

00:26:01.509 --> 00:26:02.390
We do, actually.

00:26:02.559 --> 00:26:05.950
Randy, how can workplace bullying affect the mental health?

00:26:06.390 --> 00:26:07.160
The mental health.

00:26:07.170 --> 00:26:07.890
The mental

00:26:07.890 --> 00:26:08.160
health.

00:26:08.180 --> 00:26:09.609
The whole shebang.

00:26:09.970 --> 00:26:12.910
Anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress.

00:26:13.380 --> 00:26:15.650
It's not just like light stress.

00:26:16.160 --> 00:26:24.599
This is when it is significantly impacting your wellbeing, how you function, how you feel about work, how you feel about yourself.

00:26:25.170 --> 00:26:32.017
And so really start to then acknowledge that this is happening and that you deserve to heal from this.

00:26:32.797 --> 00:26:40.106
Now, Jess, if this is just something that is so overwhelming, what are legal options for dealing with workplace bullying?

00:26:40.807 --> 00:26:43.957
There are varied legal routes.

00:26:44.007 --> 00:27:10.648
You have to check with your state because they go by state Some states really protect the employee some states don't give a crap And so you have to figure out what state you're in I know we talked about this in the occupational burnout piece of it I know that There are certain bigger states that, the employee has the right if an employee gets fired, even if, they have, I've had an attorney tell me this.

00:27:10.888 --> 00:27:15.878
He was like, Well, hopefully, even though you documented everything and they really did deserve to be fired.

00:27:15.888 --> 00:27:21.828
If they come after you, we could probably just pay 10 grand and, their legal fees and my legal fees to make him go away.

00:27:21.828 --> 00:27:22.769
And I was like, I'm sorry, what?

00:27:23.528 --> 00:27:23.548
Yeah.

00:27:23.578 --> 00:27:24.479
I can't believe that.

00:27:24.665 --> 00:27:29.115
So you might need to file a complaint with your local authorities.

00:27:29.165 --> 00:27:31.405
Find a legal, like a lawyer representative.

00:27:31.496 --> 00:27:32.806
Yeah, an employment attorney.

00:27:32.836 --> 00:27:34.586
Yeah, who can help you walk through that.

00:27:34.806 --> 00:27:36.746
They will know what your options are.

00:27:36.746 --> 00:27:40.974
And there's no reason that you can't just get a consultation to see if there's a problem.

00:27:41.266 --> 00:27:42.855
This is something that you can do.

00:27:43.135 --> 00:27:57.605
And lots of them will offer a free consultation or a hundred or two hundred dollars for an hour And you can go in with all of your questions And ask your questions and just write everything down bring your documentation and run it through them They will know way better than I would

00:27:57.786 --> 00:28:06.244
Yeah, or go to your state legal aid if it's hard to get ahold of somebody or like money is a huge issue for a lot of people.

00:28:06.255 --> 00:28:11.765
So see if there's maybe some resources there that are a more affordable option.

00:28:11.865 --> 00:28:17.684
And some of your employees will, or employers will also provide a consultation.

00:28:17.744 --> 00:28:23.884
They will not be able to say what it is, or they will not need, be able to go back to your employee employer, but you can get.

00:28:24.045 --> 00:28:28.325
Consultation some of the unions will offer that kind of a or bigger corporations.

00:28:28.325 --> 00:28:33.394
Well, okay, Randy can a workplace culture be changed to prevent bullying?

00:28:34.035 --> 00:28:57.214
Yes If the workplace is really committed to their leadership and investing in it and have a zero Tolerance policy towards bullying things can really change in a toxic work environment Cultures are built through actions and policies that promote respect, diversity, and open communication.

00:28:57.595 --> 00:29:15.285
So when I got my master's I am a master's of social work, but like we had a whole policy side to what I learned too, and it was all about implementing policy change from like the bottom up to have your voice heard and, to advocate.

00:29:15.335 --> 00:29:17.625
And that's really what it comes down to is that.

00:29:18.190 --> 00:29:24.009
The workplace or the corporation really needs to learn about how to advocate for their employees.

00:29:24.259 --> 00:29:29.220
Maybe you need to start teaching them about it, maybe you need to make them aware about it if it's not happening.

00:29:29.450 --> 00:29:33.960
So it can change, but it takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work to change that.

00:29:34.160 --> 00:29:36.670
But like we always say, change starts with us.

00:29:36.750 --> 00:29:38.329
So be that one voice.

00:29:38.349 --> 00:29:43.259
And maybe if you start talking about it, others might open up about experiences they're having too.

00:29:43.259 --> 00:29:45.259
And then you can be more powerful together.

00:29:45.609 --> 00:29:46.190
There is a

00:29:46.200 --> 00:29:49.950
whole psychology called organizational psychology.

00:29:50.243 --> 00:29:59.144
And this is what addresses the psychology and how organizations work, how they function, how this change happens.

00:29:59.153 --> 00:30:01.394
I actually almost went and did my master's in it.

00:30:01.423 --> 00:30:03.523
I just didn't want to go to Ohio for it.

00:30:03.953 --> 00:30:05.294
So I was like, yeah, I'll change it.

00:30:05.574 --> 00:30:19.903
A lot of times organizations, when they're having frustrations within departments, a lot of organizations will reach out to hire a therapist or hire a social worker to come in and teach them and figure out where this

00:30:19.903 --> 00:30:24.884
dysfunction is and how can they can reframe how their system works.

00:30:24.983 --> 00:30:25.773
Is and how

00:30:25.773 --> 00:30:27.304
to make it better.

00:30:27.443 --> 00:30:28.223
Exactly.

00:30:28.463 --> 00:30:33.614
And also, unfortunately we do see mass shootings in the workplace.

00:30:33.614 --> 00:30:40.023
We hopefully eventually we'll get a control of this, but even after that they will have a therapist come in.

00:30:40.298 --> 00:30:45.628
And talk to people and help them work through this process or this trauma.

00:30:45.929 --> 00:30:53.239
And so organizations really are starting to reach out to the mental health experts on how do we make these changes?

00:30:53.429 --> 00:30:55.078
What do we need to do globally?

00:30:55.098 --> 00:31:00.388
What do we need to do in this justice department to make this function better?

00:31:00.419 --> 00:31:05.969
Because they really want you to work well and work well together and to collaborate.

00:31:07.489 --> 00:31:21.163
Yeah, and if you find that you just can't get away from this toxic work environment and it's They're not willing to change and they're not putting in the effort to make it a respectful place to work, then you have the right to leave that environment too.

00:31:21.163 --> 00:31:33.013
I know sometimes it's hard because, change is hard and, financial situations can be really tricky, but sometimes you have to put yourself first when these situations are just so harmful to you.

00:31:33.284 --> 00:31:33.723
Mhm.

00:31:33.963 --> 00:31:35.304
And there is nothing wrong.

00:31:35.784 --> 00:31:38.193
Honestly, you should always have your resume up and running.

00:31:38.233 --> 00:31:41.433
There should always, you should always have your feelers out to see what is out there.

00:31:41.763 --> 00:31:45.554
And you should always just say, okay, if this isn't working, I need to make a change.

00:31:45.554 --> 00:31:49.308
And maybe that change is And does the bully win?

00:31:49.669 --> 00:31:50.209
I don't know.

00:31:50.219 --> 00:31:53.439
Cause sometimes, we don't want to be like, don't give up.

00:31:53.469 --> 00:31:57.449
But how many times have we've moved our children from schools because it wasn't working for them.

00:31:57.969 --> 00:31:58.548
And guess what?

00:31:58.548 --> 00:32:04.328
When we do change them most of the time after a little hiccup of a new start, it works out really well.

00:32:04.328 --> 00:32:05.519
And then they're happy again.

00:32:05.519 --> 00:32:07.288
And so we want you to be happy.

00:32:07.648 --> 00:32:07.759
Yeah.

00:32:08.108 --> 00:32:12.229
And though this can take a heavy toll on your mental health.

00:32:12.693 --> 00:32:14.513
You do not have to do this alone.

00:32:14.544 --> 00:32:16.013
That's why we're talking about that.

00:32:16.237 --> 00:32:16.767
Randy,

00:32:16.849 --> 00:32:18.819
how can I support a colleague who is being bullied?

00:32:19.349 --> 00:32:32.923
So to support a colleague that is going through this, maybe you see that they're stressed out or you can see that somebody is undermining them, really listen to them or even reach out like, Hey, I saw, this was happening.

00:32:32.923 --> 00:32:34.553
Am I reading this situation right?

00:32:34.603 --> 00:32:35.633
Do you need support?

00:32:35.653 --> 00:32:36.833
Like I'm here for you.

00:32:36.843 --> 00:32:40.313
Or even saying, Hey, you seem a little off your game, or you seem a little off what's going on.

00:32:40.313 --> 00:32:43.143
Let's go grab lunch or let's go for a walk and let's walk and talk.

00:32:43.202 --> 00:32:44.002
And then same thing.

00:32:44.002 --> 00:32:47.462
If you find it, To be, more that there is some bullying going on.

00:32:47.462 --> 00:32:49.053
Encourage them to document it.

00:32:49.053 --> 00:32:50.522
Encourage them to seek help.

00:32:50.853 --> 00:32:57.123
Sometimes the other person just needs to know that somebody else is there in their corner.

00:32:57.232 --> 00:32:58.732
And that is an ally.

00:32:58.732 --> 00:32:59.752
And that they're seen.

00:32:59.752 --> 00:32:59.992
Yeah.

00:32:59.992 --> 00:33:03.772
And that they're seen and they're heard and they're validated.

00:33:03.772 --> 00:33:05.992
And that's incredibly empowering.

00:33:06.093 --> 00:33:10.752
So Jess, where can I find more resources and support for dealing with workplace bullying?

00:33:10.982 --> 00:33:12.942
There's a lot of resources out there.

00:33:13.073 --> 00:33:15.972
Obviously we can just Google, just to start looking it up there.

00:33:15.972 --> 00:33:18.012
And now the AI will tell you everywhere you want to go.

00:33:18.633 --> 00:33:22.593
Frickin AI, but you can look at mental health support lines.

00:33:22.623 --> 00:33:25.853
You can go to counseling services, legal advice.

00:33:26.173 --> 00:33:29.123
There are workplace mediation services out there.

00:33:29.403 --> 00:33:43.972
There are a lot of options and really you should always start with your HR department to A, inform them and B, see if they have other resources that can help you because again, HR isn't always the bad guy.

00:33:44.232 --> 00:33:50.823
They're just there to mitigate any issues within the organization to protect the organization.

00:33:51.242 --> 00:33:52.442
There's also work.

00:33:52.567 --> 00:33:53.867
Workplacebullying.

00:33:53.897 --> 00:33:56.357
org and stopbullying.

00:33:56.377 --> 00:34:02.597
gov, which is like more for kids, but they have other resources too that will expand to adults as well.

00:34:03.508 --> 00:34:03.877
Okay.

00:34:03.917 --> 00:34:08.297
Hopefully, none of you are dealing with this, but honestly, I know it is out there.

00:34:08.318 --> 00:34:20.007
So I really want you to take this serious because being bullied in the workplace, it's going to take such a heavy toll on you and your mental health and you are not alone and you don't have to face it alone.

00:34:20.327 --> 00:34:31.757
Whether you're going to go through documentation or support or self care, there are so many ways that you can regain this control of this power imbalance that is going to protect your wellbeing.

00:34:32.233 --> 00:34:38.023
And if you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, share it with your friends, and leave us a review.

00:34:38.342 --> 00:34:44.893
We want to help you guys navigate these challenges and come out stronger and more empowered on the other side.

00:34:45.862 --> 00:34:48.422
So nobody deserves to be bullied at work.

00:34:48.443 --> 00:34:50.583
I want you to keep that in your head.

00:34:51.023 --> 00:34:52.193
Nobody deserves that.

00:34:52.213 --> 00:34:53.983
I want you to advocate for yourself.

00:34:54.003 --> 00:35:08.422
I want you to seek support and don't hesitate if you need to make changes because once we make those changes, yes, it gets a little rocky, but then normally it starts being so much smoother for you and your family and your work environment, you can grow.

00:35:08.512 --> 00:35:08.952
Yes.

00:35:08.963 --> 00:35:11.853
It is an opportunity for growth when you can advocate for

00:35:11.853 --> 00:35:12.342
yourself.

00:35:12.862 --> 00:35:14.213
Thank you for joining us today.

00:35:14.262 --> 00:35:18.382
Until next time, take care of yourself and your mental health because you matter.

00:35:18.822 --> 00:35:19.233
Bye.

00:35:19.242 --> 00:35:20.032
Thanks for listening