Oct. 16, 2024

Tipflation: Why Tipping has Tipped the Scales

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Season 3

Ever find yourself agonizing over the "right" amount to tip, feeling it tug at your emotions and your wallet? You're not alone. In this episode, join Randi Owsley, LMSW, and Jessica Bullwinkle, LMFT as they unpack why tipping has tipped the scales of our financial comfort.  We're flipping the script - transforming the way we think about generosity, social pressures, and ultimately, how we nurture our own financial health. For every woman out there juggling the quest for emotional balance with the practicalities of daily expenses, let's navigate this together, affirming that our self-worth is not defined by how much we give. 

In a world where the simple act of tipping can spiral into a complex web of emotions and financial stress, it's essential to ground ourselves in understanding and support. Why has tipping become such a burden? It's woven deeply into our social fabric, carrying expectations that often weigh heavily on us. By diving into the heart of this issue, we can decode the stress behind tipping expectations and learn how to navigate these waters without guilt. For women particularly, maneuvering through these moments requires resilience and a strong support network focused on financial empowerment. 

In our upcoming episodes, we pledge to dive deep into the heart of what many of us navigate daily but might feel too overwhelmed or uneasy to discuss openly: our financial well-being intertwined with societal expectations, particularly around tipping. From the unseen emotional labor that accompanies every tipping encounter to the candid, often unspoken realities of the financial strain it places on women--we're uncovering it all.  Together, let's liberate ourselves from the weight of societal expectations and craft a future where our financial decisions—tipping included—are made with confidence and peace of mind.

FAQs
Why has tipping become so expected in many industries?
How does tipping contribute to workers' livelihoods?
What's the standard tipping rate for dining out?
Should I tip if I receive bad service?
How should I approach tipping for services outside the food industry, like hair salons or taxi services?
What about tipping for coffee or counter service?
Should I tip on takeout or delivery orders?
What if I can't afford to tip generously?

#tipping #tippingpoint #tippingculture #tippingetiquette #tips #ProtectYourPeaceNow #EmotionalWellnessMatters #FindYourInnerCalm #PrioritizeYourMentalHealth #HealthyBoundariesHappierLife #StressManagementS

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Women's Mental Health Podcast, created by licensed psychotherapists Randi Owsley MSW and Jessica Bullwinkle LMFT, offers resources for those navigating mental health. This podcast or social media are not psychotherapy, a replacement for a therapeutic relationship, or substitute for mental health care. All thoughts expressed are for educational and entertainment purposes, no psychotherapeutic relationship exists by virtue of listening, commenting, or engaging. Our platform could contain affiliate links, which if used, might earn us a small commission at no extra cost to you.


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WEBVTT

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Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.

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I'm randy.

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I'm And I'm Jess.

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And we are two licensed psychotherapists, and this is a safe space where we talk about mental health, well being, and strategies for coping with life's challenges.

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And how all of this is normal, and you are not alone.

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Today's topic is something we've all encountered and for many it's causing a lot of stress and sometimes confusion.

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Tipping.

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That's me.

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I get so confused and so stressed about it because I'm going, why has it become so overdone?

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When and where is this expected?

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And how much There's so much pressure.

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And if you're standing with friends, you're like, I don't want to look cheap, but at the same time, I also don't want to just hand over money that I don't feel I should have to.

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And it's so confusing when you have a partner who tips differently than you do.

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I've heard so many stories and seen so many polls.

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We even did one in our group about where people tip and it's so

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crazy out there.

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So we're going to get into what's appropriate to tip in different situations and how to help friends and family and yourself cope with tipping stress because if you've ever felt confused or overwhelmed at the tip, or the screen or wondering what is right,

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you are definitely not alone.

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You're not.

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So find us and more information on womensmentalhealthpodcast.

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com.

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Have you ever had these thoughts?

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Why has tipping become so expected in so many industries now?

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How does tipping contribute to workers livelihoods?

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What is the standard tipping rate for dining out?

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Should I tip if I receive bad service?

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Is tipping customary in

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all countries?

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How should I approach tipping for services outside the food industry, like hair salons or Uber, yeah Lyft, all those things.

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What about tipping for coffee or counter service?

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Ooh, I'm going to tell you about a reel I saw that is that thing just changed my brain.

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Okay.

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Should I tip on takeout or delivery orders?

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Especially if you're the one taking it out.

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How can I navigate situations where a service charge is already included?

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What if I can't afford to tip generously like I want to?

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Yeah, or, the other question we probably should have done is, Do I tip differently during the holidays?

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What do I, wait, is there a different Yeah, extra

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tipping?

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Is there a Oh gosh, we could, there's a whole rabbit hole into this.

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Tip on the tip, oh that sounds disgusting,

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sorry.

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Just the

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tip.

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Just the tip, please.

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That's what we'll call this one.

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Okay, so what exactly is tipping and why has it become so overdone and so overwhelming?

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Tipping is the extra payment given to workers, usually in service jobs, to show appreciation for their work.

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It used to be that tipping was expected in certain industries like restaurants for services or hairdressing, but recently I am seeing it expanded to like everywhere.

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Like I saw everything and you know what actually started this was I referred our housekeeper to a neighbor Because I was like, okay, cool.

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And the lady calls me and goes, Jessica, is it normal for them to require a tip?

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I was like, I'm sorry.

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Require.

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Require.

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It's in the contract.

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I was like, A, I don't have a contract and B, no, I have never heard of anybody tipping a housekeeper and I was blown away and I was actually kind of embarrassed because, I referred this person and I'm like, okay, so I'm not going to refer them, but I have never heard of a weekly tip for a housekeeper.

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I

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didn't know about that either.

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And then, and it might be too it varies.

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Like in areas or, states or I don't know.

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But I had a cleaner at the house one day and she started talking about how this other, client never tipped her.

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And I also never tipped her.

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So I was like, okay, she's doing this on purpose, but I didn't know that it was a thing, but I did give them like gifts and stuff during the holidays and an extra bonus.

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Yes.

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I gave a bonus during the holiday.

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And then I'm like, she's like talking about me, like where I can hear her like on purpose.

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And I was like, she's probably talking about me cause I don't tip my housekeeper.

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And I was like, that's, is that a thing?

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I didn't know that was a thing.

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Cause I'm already paying like such a high fee for this service.

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And I was quoted for this service.

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And it was already like over the average.

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So I was Okay.

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I even had somebody on the poll we did say that they had some mint work done and when they went to pay, there was a spot for them to put a tip.

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And she was like, and it was for the owner of the company.

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She was like, but I don't understand if we were quoted this, why am I putting a tip for you who owns the company?

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And I was like, oh crap, am I supposed to be tipping my landscaper now?

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Because I don't tip my landscaper.

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He sends me a bill, I pay it.

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So we're seeing this everywhere.

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Fast food counters.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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Self checkouts, it feels like every interaction has become a transaction.

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Yes.

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And then they look at you like you're guilty.

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Or you're rude or Yeah.

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Or they look at you like, well, are you going to tip now?

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And you're like am I supposed to?

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And I think, honestly, I think a lot of this started back with COVID.

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I think in COVID, we were trying to show people that we are so thankful for the work that they're doing, that it just all of a sudden blew up.

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I don't know.

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And I think a lot of it too has come into maybe like our digital payment systems, our Apple wallets and the screens, they just give it to you and it says, do you want a tip?

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it just prompts you to do these things.

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So maybe it's, since it's more visible, I don't know.

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Or.

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what about, like, when you have Target or Walmart delivered?

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For Target, if I have it delivered, they won't let me back into their online app Into the app without choosing a tip.

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I have to give a star and choose a tip if I want to get back.

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It's super annoying.

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So I just, honestly, I don't order for them very much anymore.

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Because I'm like, either tell me in the beginning.

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I

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feel guilty if I don't, and then I'm like, but they didn't even fill half of my order, and I feel like Still need to, and it was like

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two weeks ago or three weeks ago, and I

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don't remember.

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And it's I understand that a lot of workers rely heavily on tips to make up for their low wages, but at what point does it become the responsibility of us as middle class?

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It doesn't even matter about class, but why?

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But instead, why is it not going back to the corporation that should be paying them?

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Why isn't Target paying them more?

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Why isn't, Walmart paying them more?

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Why isn't, the fast food restaurant paying them more that owns millions of dollars in franchises?

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Like, why is it coming down to the direct consumer and the guilt that we feel over it?

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And I was actually talking to a neighbor recently, a male, and he was like, Oh, and then look at you and you feel guilty.

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So you end up tipping him even though they didn't do anything.

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And he goes okay, so it's not just us.

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It's not just women who are looking at this.

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So I feel like they're not paying them a livable wage, especially in service jobs.

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They expect.

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I did hear that next year, either candidate who wins, this isn't political, okay guys, but either candidate has said they're no longer going to tax people on tips.

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let's define what a living wage is.

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Oh, okay.

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So that's the minimum.

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income or salary you need to cover your basic needs like food, shelter, healthcare, with also having some room for emergencies and savings.

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the goal is with a living wage to ensure that people can earn enough to live a healthy life.

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I'm not saying caviar, wishes and dreams, but.

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Enough to cover your essentials.

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And most people do not earn that.

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No.

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Do

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you remember the guy who did supersize me?

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He did nothing but eat McDonald's for a month and then he got sick.

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And then he got sick.

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Well, he also did another one where he and his partner, I think it was his wife.

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They went to say, okay, can we live on a living wage?

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And they started with nothing.

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They had no money, no nothing.

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And they were earning minimum wage.

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And he was like, we can't even eat.

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They're living in like bare bones and she couldn't document.

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And she couldn't like, she was like, how do I buy my tampons?

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She couldn't afford

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medical care and she couldn't get it.

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She couldn't buy her tampons

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because

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they're so expensive.

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This is honest to God.

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What most households face day in and day out.

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When I worked with.

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Clients at the homeless shelter, most of them could not afford tampons, sanitary pads, toilet paper, anything.

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I kept items, essential items in my office for them to just take out of a basket.

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They didn't have to ask me if they needed them because they could not even, I remember just crying at my desk one afternoon because a client told me she was so excited.

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She had found a dollar in the parking lot so she could buy herself pads.

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And I was young at the time and I had no idea about this huge, this gap and I was like, Oh, like my heart was just breaking inside and from that moment on, I always kept essentials because I was like, nobody deserves to feel like they have to choose between food and their hygiene, at what point has this burden shifted to us as women?

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Consumers and customers.

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Exactly.

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That's the story I tell about my dentist where he now supplies tampons for all of his hygienists, they're all females.

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He had no idea because the office manager was buying him and he was like, Oh, am I paying for that?

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And she was like, yes.

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You are you have women that work here and we will be putting them in the bathroom.

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Obviously, if somebody starts their period, you don't want them to leave.

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He was like, okay, cool.

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Just keep doing what you're doing.

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I just didn't realize that was part of the Costco run, but all right, cool.

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And I think that's great that, he does that.

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But so let's look at tipping, It really went back.

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If we go into like the roots of where did this start?

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It didn't start in COVID.

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Okay.

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That was just my gripe, but it originated back in Europe and it was adopted in the U S after the civil.

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War.

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So when was the Civil War?

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Eighteen something?

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According to my kids, I was born in the 1800s.

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So you should know.

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But originally it was seen as a gesture of generosity.

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Just being able to think being so thankful.

00:10:05.333 --> 00:10:05.783
Exactly.

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Overwhelmed with joy.

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But what happened was over time it became embedded into certain industries as a way to avoid paying fair wages.

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And

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this is huge in the U.

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S.

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A lot of other countries do not have a tipping culture.

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This is very heavily, U.

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S.

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based.

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I have a friend who was over in Berlin.

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She was stationed in Germany way back when, Like back when the Berlin Wall came down.

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She's got a piece of the Berlin Wall.

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They were allowed to go Over into the, was it the east side?

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That's really strict.

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I can't remember anymore.

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I'm so like history is not my thing guys.

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History and geography and math and anything else.

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But anyway, okay.

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But what happened was she said they can go over there.

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They couldn't ride the bus.

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They weren't allowed to do certain things.

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And they had to exchange the money.

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And so she said, as they're coming back, cause I guess comforters.

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I don't know.

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That's what she, I remember her telling me that.

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So what was happening is when they came back, they stopped and nobody tipped, but they had all this extra change.

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And for them as Americans okay, whatever, they left it on the table for this person.

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The waiter started to cry because what they threw down was like a month's salary for him or a year's salary.

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It was huge and they were just like, whatever, no big deal because nobody tips over there.

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And for them, they're like, I don't want to have to exchange it and blah, blah, blah.

00:11:20.390 --> 00:11:21.740
that stuck with me.

00:11:21.990 --> 00:11:24.260
And anytime I've gone over to Europe, we don't tip.

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It's the weirdest thing.

00:11:25.280 --> 00:11:28.520
You just get the customer service because that's what their job is.

00:11:28.561 --> 00:11:29.110
It's so different.

00:11:29.120 --> 00:11:30.441
That's the expectation.

00:11:30.530 --> 00:11:31.321
Exactly.

00:11:31.331 --> 00:11:32.610
It's very hard.

00:11:32.671 --> 00:11:34.350
Like you said, like he was so overwhelmed.

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He needed that.

00:11:35.490 --> 00:11:37.091
And it's like, how do you know?

00:11:37.821 --> 00:11:40.441
If they do have a living wage, if they are okay.

00:11:40.441 --> 00:11:47.691
So like a couple of years ago, we went on one of those all inclusive, vacations as a family and I saved years for us to go on it.

00:11:47.701 --> 00:12:02.721
But they were like, no tipping, everything's included the food, the drinks you don't tip, but I felt like the workers were so like dissatisfied and were probably not being paid a fair wage.

00:12:03.221 --> 00:12:03.711
And it was.

00:12:04.176 --> 00:12:16.355
Really hard to be like I know we're not supposed to tip and like they would get fired if they accepted a tip But I was like, are they being paid Well, I wasn't getting that feeling.

00:12:16.355 --> 00:12:27.306
So it was like very frustrating, to see that I had spent all this money on this vacation, but it felt like a lot of the, employees were disgruntled because they weren't being treated fairly.

00:12:27.541 --> 00:12:35.221
What's happening is that as our wages, we're staying the same, they're not increasing, but our cost of living and inflation,

00:12:35.221 --> 00:12:37.801
groceries, everything has gone

00:12:37.801 --> 00:12:38.020
up.

00:12:38.020 --> 00:12:40.711
So now tipping is more of a societal norm.

00:12:40.711 --> 00:12:41.660
It's expected.

00:12:41.900 --> 00:12:45.510
It's also more casual in really unexpected places.

00:12:45.510 --> 00:12:54.841
Like I was talking about the concrete person or the housekeeper, it's No longer a reward for service, and that's I think my soapbox is that it's not a reward for service.

00:12:54.860 --> 00:12:58.301
It's an expectation because sometimes it's a necessity.

00:12:58.395 --> 00:13:00.235
For these workers to make their ends meet.

00:13:00.245 --> 00:13:04.865
But is that my responsibility or is it the company's responsibility?

00:13:05.296 --> 00:13:18.076
when you have added expectations like this, and it's unclear whether, you should tip or not, this can create a lot of stress and anxiety for women, because we do internalize things.

00:13:18.344 --> 00:13:26.354
it can create a financial burden too, because we can feel guilty for not doing things that we feel are the norm.

00:13:26.663 --> 00:13:31.988
So when tipping feels mandatory, that can add up very quickly.

00:13:32.270 --> 00:13:49.926
if you already feel like you're struggling financially, whether that's due to wage gaps or caregiving costs or your personal finances or losing a job or being ill, Tipping can make everyday purchases just feel that much more overwhelming and expensive.

00:13:50.826 --> 00:13:51.416
It can.

00:13:51.436 --> 00:13:53.686
It's, it, I got lost.

00:13:53.686 --> 00:13:54.635
My daughter was texting.

00:13:54.635 --> 00:13:55.051
I'm sorry.

00:13:55.551 --> 00:13:59.581
Let's go to decision fatigue at the end of page three.

00:13:59.721 --> 00:13:59.980
Okay.

00:13:59.980 --> 00:14:00.760
Cause that's totally me.

00:14:01.951 --> 00:14:06.870
So all this pressure that Randy is talking about, it leads to decision fatigue.

00:14:06.890 --> 00:14:10.890
And that's how I feel sometimes is that I just don't even want to go there cause I don't even know what to do.

00:14:10.910 --> 00:14:15.880
And it just feels like we're making this countless choices every day anyway.

00:14:15.900 --> 00:14:18.701
And so now I got to pull out my phone and figure out the math on it.

00:14:18.701 --> 00:14:19.910
Cause I just said, I can't do math.

00:14:20.221 --> 00:14:24.791
It's just become another moment where we have to decide what's right.

00:14:24.821 --> 00:14:29.321
And that's, I think what I'm more frustrated about is not the money, but it's the decision.

00:14:29.321 --> 00:14:33.461
And that's actually really interesting because it is, it's about the decision of what is right.

00:14:33.490 --> 00:14:35.230
You're feeling mentally exhausted.

00:14:35.301 --> 00:14:36.171
Exactly.

00:14:36.181 --> 00:14:42.181
And it is so draining because I have to figure all it, what is the correct thing?

00:14:42.640 --> 00:14:46.076
So how do we cope with the stress that can sometimes come with this?

00:14:46.475 --> 00:14:46.946
tipping.

00:14:46.956 --> 00:14:48.885
Like, how do we deal with the overload?

00:14:48.885 --> 00:14:50.885
How do we deal with the mental exhaustion?

00:14:50.895 --> 00:14:53.255
How do we deal with one more thought?

00:14:54.015 --> 00:14:58.115
The first thing is, I set my own personal tipping guideline.

00:14:58.316 --> 00:15:11.015
I saw a reel a couple of weeks ago, a couple months ago, I don't know, it was a while ago, and it said, I am no longer, and this is what kind of made me think about it, I am no longer tipping if I have to stand up, order it, right?

00:15:11.025 --> 00:15:16.255
If I'm at a counter and I'm on my feet ordering, I am no longer tipping if I have to carry it out.

00:15:17.191 --> 00:15:19.910
And I'm no longer tipping if I have to drive the car.

00:15:20.400 --> 00:15:22.110
And I was like, I like that.

00:15:22.181 --> 00:15:26.510
I know it feels like, why should I give a tip at Starbucks when I'm doing a drive thru?

00:15:28.191 --> 00:15:32.110
If somebody though, oh man, let me tell you, I do tip well if they come in the snow.

00:15:32.671 --> 00:15:35.350
If they deliver to my house in the snow, I will tip very well.

00:15:35.350 --> 00:15:36.780
Because I'm like, I didn't want to go out in that.

00:15:37.120 --> 00:15:38.201
And that to me is a service.

00:15:38.211 --> 00:15:38.681
So anyway.

00:15:39.400 --> 00:15:42.130
Figure out what your personal tipping guidelines are.

00:15:42.160 --> 00:15:44.971
Decide ahead of time where and when you want to tip.

00:15:45.020 --> 00:15:50.571
Just figure out in general what your rule is because this is going to help you feel more in control.

00:15:50.571 --> 00:15:55.380
It helps me when I'm looking at that tipping screen to be okay with what my personal choice is.

00:15:55.721 --> 00:16:01.201
And do not compare yourself to somebody else because we're all different.

00:16:01.370 --> 00:16:06.980
So I know a lot of time on social media, I'll see well, you shouldn't go out to eat or you shouldn't do this or you shouldn't do that.

00:16:06.980 --> 00:16:17.110
If you can't afford to tip, I don't think people should have to choose between living, a life and sometimes, Taking their family out to eat.

00:16:17.120 --> 00:16:26.530
If that's the one, time, every six months they're able to, if they have the fear that they won't be able to tip on top of it, like we shouldn't shame people about that.

00:16:26.530 --> 00:16:38.211
And I see a lot of people comment that, and it's I feel like tipping should just come from if you have the ability to do it and if you want to, and if you want to, and if you have gotten good service, then you can.

00:16:38.620 --> 00:16:39.000
And.

00:16:39.260 --> 00:16:53.400
Even if there are certain expectations, because like here in the US, it's like on average about 15 to 20 percent is usually what you tip in a restaurant, and maybe if you want to give, a coffee shop, people usually throw 1 or something in the tip jar.

00:16:53.796 --> 00:17:00.556
But sometimes that can help ease the uncertainty, but I don't feel like there should be shame around it.

00:17:00.645 --> 00:17:02.495
We have enough shame and enough stress about

00:17:02.586 --> 00:17:03.066
money.

00:17:03.176 --> 00:17:03.645
We do.

00:17:03.645 --> 00:17:04.365
We really do.

00:17:04.685 --> 00:17:05.226
And you know what?

00:17:05.246 --> 00:17:08.685
I also want you, you know my practice of practice saying no.

00:17:08.955 --> 00:17:09.976
It is a boundary.

00:17:09.986 --> 00:17:11.276
It is a complete sentence.

00:17:11.556 --> 00:17:15.161
It is okay to skip the tip if it doesn't feel appropriate or it doesn't feel right.

00:17:15.161 --> 00:17:17.441
Feel like you can financially do it.

00:17:17.740 --> 00:17:22.691
You don't have to tip just because there is a prompt, it is okay to hit that no button.

00:17:22.691 --> 00:17:24.461
It is okay to say no thank you.

00:17:24.461 --> 00:17:26.141
When they say, would you like to leave a tip?

00:17:26.441 --> 00:17:27.101
No, thank you.

00:17:27.340 --> 00:17:31.631
Give yourself permission to prioritize your own financial wellbeing.

00:17:31.661 --> 00:17:32.800
Your in charge.

00:17:32.800 --> 00:17:34.060
It is your money.

00:17:34.391 --> 00:17:35.500
Yes, you are in charge.

00:17:36.290 --> 00:17:39.705
And then another thing too is if this really stresses you out, create.

00:17:40.296 --> 00:17:41.375
A budget for it.

00:17:41.385 --> 00:17:50.266
So give yourself an amount that you're going to tip throughout the year that you are financially capable of and add that into your budget.

00:17:50.526 --> 00:17:57.996
So you have a designated amount set aside for each month so that you aren't stressed about it when it comes to that.

00:17:58.445 --> 00:18:00.425
And remember that this is not something.

00:18:00.986 --> 00:18:03.385
That's like a personal attack on you.

00:18:04.016 --> 00:18:05.955
It always feels awkward.

00:18:05.976 --> 00:18:08.536
I feel for all of us who go in this situation.

00:18:09.175 --> 00:18:14.395
Cause it feels it can linger and I want you to let go of that because it's not a reflection on your character.

00:18:14.605 --> 00:18:18.645
You do not have to meet every expectation that is placed on you.

00:18:18.645 --> 00:18:19.806
And I want you to hear that again.

00:18:20.296 --> 00:18:24.506
You do not have to meet every expectation that's placed on you.

00:18:24.836 --> 00:18:26.556
We can let a lot of that crap go.

00:18:27.165 --> 00:18:30.945
Let's talk about what's considered a fair tip in various settings, Randy.

00:18:31.336 --> 00:18:32.865
So we can do a quick guide.

00:18:33.076 --> 00:18:35.296
You do not have to follow our guide.

00:18:35.296 --> 00:18:39.046
You can make your own link we just talked about, but I want you guys to we're just going to run through some.

00:18:39.096 --> 00:18:43.355
This is what we found on average and what we have pulled from people.

00:18:43.546 --> 00:18:49.628
So restaurants, like we mentioned, on average for sit down service is about 15 to 20%.

00:18:49.628 --> 00:18:49.740
Okay.

00:18:49.740 --> 00:18:55.961
Usually a small tip, maybe around like 10 percent is appreciated if the stuff has gone out of their way.

00:18:56.280 --> 00:19:00.030
Now, what about something like coffee shops and quick services?

00:19:00.340 --> 00:19:02.701
This one is typically more optional.

00:19:02.730 --> 00:19:08.471
If the service is really friendly or if you frequent it often, tipping 1 to 2 can be nice.

00:19:08.570 --> 00:19:13.691
But it is not required for you to tip every time you buy a dollar coffee to throw another dollar in the tip jar.

00:19:13.711 --> 00:19:17.770
It's if you want, or if they're friendly, or like I said, you go every morning, and they're making your coffee.

00:19:17.800 --> 00:19:18.401
Go for it.

00:19:18.500 --> 00:19:19.451
Well, let's be honest.

00:19:19.451 --> 00:19:21.661
Coffee can be like really expensive, too.

00:19:21.671 --> 00:19:22.351
You're like, I just paid

00:19:22.371 --> 00:19:25.750
30 bucks at Costco the, er Starbucks the other day, and I was like, what happened?

00:19:25.750 --> 00:19:26.800
Yeah, what just happened?

00:19:26.800 --> 00:19:30.701
We, no! That's why I go to our local coffee shop, because they have better prices.

00:19:30.701 --> 00:19:35.931
And then I can tip better, because I'm not paying 10 for a small coffee.

00:19:36.191 --> 00:19:44.965
But anyway another thing too ride sharing, like Uber or Lyft tipping, about 10 20 percent is common, depending on the length of the ride, and the size.

00:19:44.965 --> 00:19:46.066
service quality.

00:19:46.476 --> 00:19:50.236
Oh my God, I gotta tell you last time I was in an Uber, I don't know if I can ever do it again.

00:19:50.276 --> 00:19:51.705
I thought I was going to die.

00:19:52.086 --> 00:19:58.405
And I was with my friend and she's normally, she's a scary driver and she normally does not get scared by driving.

00:19:58.736 --> 00:20:00.365
She was scared.

00:20:00.365 --> 00:20:02.915
I was like, just drop me off on the side of the goddamn freeway.

00:20:02.945 --> 00:20:04.596
I will find out how to get home.

00:20:05.036 --> 00:20:06.816
I have never been so terrified.

00:20:06.816 --> 00:20:09.465
Like I got out of that car and I wanted to kiss the ground.

00:20:09.476 --> 00:20:12.455
Like she's breaking for him and she is telling him to slow down.

00:20:12.816 --> 00:20:15.746
And finally I was like, dude, you need to slow down.

00:20:15.756 --> 00:20:19.246
We are in a construction zone and this is going to stop fast.

00:20:19.705 --> 00:20:22.086
And I was just like praying and I don't pray.

00:20:22.086 --> 00:20:24.635
And I was just like, okay, universe, please let me make it home.

00:20:24.635 --> 00:20:26.496
I do not want to die on this trip.

00:20:26.865 --> 00:20:27.226
And.

00:20:27.550 --> 00:20:29.921
It was, I haven't been one since cause I was terrified.

00:20:29.941 --> 00:20:30.111
Sorry.

00:20:30.461 --> 00:20:32.951
So let's talk about delivery services.

00:20:32.961 --> 00:20:43.820
So like groceries, so many of us that have so many things going on, rely on delivery services like, Walmart plus Target Amazon.

00:20:43.830 --> 00:20:46.211
So for these,

00:20:46.211 --> 00:20:46.980
what is standard?

00:20:46.990 --> 00:20:53.441
So For food delivery, we're talking about like food delivery tipping around 15 to 20 percent is standard.

00:20:53.730 --> 00:20:58.361
For a larger grocery delivery or packages, a tip of 5 to 10 is appreciated.

00:20:58.361 --> 00:21:07.810
But here's the thing, I'm confused by this statement because if I order 200 in groceries, now that groceries have gone up so much, God, I'm on a rant today.

00:21:07.810 --> 00:21:08.750
I'm just on a different rant.

00:21:09.290 --> 00:21:14.060
But because groceries have gone up so much now, I'm tipping more for less groceries and less time in the store.

00:21:14.060 --> 00:21:17.861
And so for that, I normally will just give a dollar amount.

00:21:17.891 --> 00:21:19.121
I don't do a percentage.

00:21:19.570 --> 00:21:20.290
That's interesting.

00:21:20.560 --> 00:21:38.867
And it's hard though, too, because I use Instacart for Costco and they say that, The delivery person can, or, the picker, I don't know can see the shopper can see the amount of the tip and those with higher tips, they even put this in the in the app, get picked first.

00:21:39.097 --> 00:21:43.657
So if they think your tip is lower than it should be, they tell you like, it might not get picked.

00:21:43.948 --> 00:21:47.458
Picked first or they might deny it and I'm like, oh shit.

00:21:47.468 --> 00:21:52.008
Well, there's another added stress, same thing like these groceries are out of control with the prices.

00:21:52.048 --> 00:21:52.468
Target's

00:21:52.498 --> 00:21:57.678
the same way because the lady at Target I go Oh, you always she goes I go you always deliver my stuff.

00:21:57.678 --> 00:21:57.877
She goes.

00:21:57.877 --> 00:22:03.357
Yeah, you tip really well And so my stuff always got delivered and I was like, Oh, that's interesting.

00:22:03.548 --> 00:22:06.587
I didn't realize they could see a tip I left.

00:22:07.218 --> 00:22:10.718
And so it was like, okay, if I want something faster, I'll leave a bigger tip.

00:22:10.827 --> 00:22:13.157
If I'm not like, I'm like, I can get it anytime today.

00:22:13.198 --> 00:22:14.647
I may not leave the bigger tip.

00:22:14.657 --> 00:22:16.137
It depends on how fast I want it.

00:22:16.137 --> 00:22:17.448
And now we're playing the game.

00:22:18.022 --> 00:22:23.563
And a lot of those services you can't go back and edit the tip afterwards, but they give you like a limited window of time.

00:22:23.573 --> 00:22:24.727
24 hours or something.

00:22:24.727 --> 00:22:32.077
Cause it's like what if you tipped, like 50 on this and they only fill one of your like 50 items, or whatever it is.

00:22:32.538 --> 00:22:39.278
So another thing too is for like personal services and beauty services, like the hairdresser, the nail salon.

00:22:39.548 --> 00:22:40.667
What do you feel is

00:22:40.708 --> 00:22:41.647
average for that?

00:22:41.758 --> 00:22:45.817
For what we found it's 15 to 20 percent is typical for these types of services.

00:22:46.137 --> 00:22:47.337
But now here's the thing.

00:22:47.917 --> 00:22:53.667
I was always told that if it's the salon owner, you're not supposed to tip the salon owner.

00:22:53.788 --> 00:22:56.137
And that was one of the things I did in my poll, right?

00:22:56.397 --> 00:22:58.087
If it's the owner of the salon, do you tip?

00:22:58.117 --> 00:23:00.117
And people were like kind of 50, 50, right?

00:23:00.117 --> 00:23:03.228
Like the salon owner should be able to say, this is what I want to charge.

00:23:03.607 --> 00:23:08.357
And I have another friend who she goes, the guy won't, my salon, my stylist won't let me take a tip.

00:23:08.742 --> 00:23:09.712
He won't let me leave a tip.

00:23:09.712 --> 00:23:11.323
He says, Nope, I charge you what I want.

00:23:11.323 --> 00:23:12.042
Don't pay me a tip.

00:23:12.192 --> 00:23:13.583
Yeah, and I was like, Oh, thank God.

00:23:13.593 --> 00:23:15.012
Can you just tell me what you want, please?

00:23:15.032 --> 00:23:17.002
And I'll just pay that because that just seems so much better.

00:23:17.032 --> 00:23:22.333
Can you just write it all into your flat fee and I just pay that so I know what I'm getting into.

00:23:22.363 --> 00:23:23.292
I can plan for it.

00:23:23.313 --> 00:23:24.262
I can budget it.

00:23:24.553 --> 00:23:25.343
And that's that.

00:23:25.353 --> 00:23:28.167
There's no and then you're not feeling slighted either.

00:23:28.417 --> 00:23:41.198
That maybe I wasn't aware that you want to be tipped a certain amount, because I feel like there's all this convoluted, information where maybe people have certain expectations and you don't know those expectations because there's no communication about this.

00:23:41.688 --> 00:23:50.968
And another thing too, is hotel staff, like when you're staying somewhere like housekeeping, like we were talking about like a house cleaner in your home, but what if when you're traveling,

00:23:51.067 --> 00:23:55.448
My mom always said that, like, when she went to Vegas, she would always leave change.

00:23:55.758 --> 00:23:59.357
She'd always leave whatever extra she would leave some money on the, for the housekeepers.

00:23:59.367 --> 00:24:01.377
Because she didn't want them to steal her stuff or whatever.

00:24:01.377 --> 00:24:02.877
I don't know what the answer is on that one.

00:24:03.228 --> 00:24:04.387
But, I don't know.

00:24:04.387 --> 00:24:06.627
I don't think I've ever tipped a housekeeper.

00:24:07.032 --> 00:24:08.053
I've never tipped the hotel.

00:24:08.063 --> 00:24:09.982
I tip if they carry my bags up.

00:24:10.022 --> 00:24:10.982
Oh, like a bell hop.

00:24:11.063 --> 00:24:11.482
Yeah.

00:24:11.482 --> 00:24:14.593
Or if they bring me food, I've tipped for that.

00:24:14.603 --> 00:24:20.173
We were somewhere for my daughter's birthday and they brought a cake, like at six in the morning to wake her up for her birthday.

00:24:20.413 --> 00:24:21.202
And I tipped for that.

00:24:21.202 --> 00:24:23.292
Plus he totally woke us up cause I forgot to set an alarm.

00:24:23.292 --> 00:24:24.063
So I appreciated it.

00:24:24.373 --> 00:24:27.393
And so that one was a service where he brought it to me.

00:24:27.413 --> 00:24:28.563
And so I just, I don't know.

00:24:28.563 --> 00:24:29.623
It's so confusing.

00:24:30.083 --> 00:24:30.242
Good.

00:24:30.242 --> 00:24:30.643
That's it.

00:24:31.182 --> 00:24:33.883
Well, at the end of the day, these are just ideas.

00:24:33.883 --> 00:24:45.863
They're just guidelines and you really have to set, like we talked about your personal preference on how you want to move forward with this and give yourself the leeway to not feel guilty about it.

00:24:46.071 --> 00:24:51.571
So why has tipping become so expected in so many industries?

00:24:52.031 --> 00:24:58.201
it has evolved into a cultural norm and it really is seen as a way to supplement workers wages.

00:24:58.241 --> 00:25:06.182
And so they're trying to get that living wage higher so they can actually live but I think employers are really trying to pay less.

00:25:06.872 --> 00:25:09.422
Randy, how does tipping contribute to workers livelihoods?

00:25:09.961 --> 00:25:17.692
Well, for many people, especially in the service industry, it's not just extra, it's a significant part of their earnings.

00:25:18.061 --> 00:25:28.636
I know a lot of states have changed it, but it used to be like restaurant workers only earned like 3 an hour, because they were seen as making tips, like that was their income, which it's not.

00:25:28.704 --> 00:25:37.977
Beyond crazy to me, so in a lot of scenarios, tips bridge that living wage gap and really supplement the base pay.

00:25:38.336 --> 00:25:41.847
that becomes A vital part of their financial wellbeing.

00:25:41.857 --> 00:25:44.567
But again, like where does this burden lie?

00:25:44.817 --> 00:25:47.387
So should you tip if you receive bad service?

00:25:47.553 --> 00:25:51.313
Oh, I think it's a personal choice.

00:25:51.823 --> 00:25:57.272
If you're going to look at the service quality, if the service was disappointing, it's understandable.

00:25:57.282 --> 00:26:02.663
If you want to adjust the tip accordingly, some opt to leave a modest tip to acknowledge the effort.

00:26:02.923 --> 00:26:11.163
Even if the outcome was lacking the other thing is I want you guys also to know was it the service was bad or was The food bad because

00:26:11.242 --> 00:26:12.222
yeah, there's a difference.

00:26:12.262 --> 00:26:12.502
There's

00:26:12.502 --> 00:26:26.403
a difference I could have got great service and a lousy cook or I could have got a great cook and lousy service I want you to look at what you're tipping and what you're tipping for so Randy is tipping customary in all countries No,

00:26:26.792 --> 00:26:35.407
it varies widely around the world So in some countries tipping is not customary Expected it's frowned upon.

00:26:35.428 --> 00:26:37.887
They take offense to being tipped.

00:26:38.228 --> 00:26:43.507
And then in other countries like ours, it's vital, to their livelihood.

00:26:44.067 --> 00:26:52.777
it's important to understand when you are traveling, what that culture is so that you aren't stressed and you're not having, miscommunications while you're traveling.

00:26:53.596 --> 00:26:58.737
Now, just how should you approach tipping for services outside of the food industry?

00:26:59.017 --> 00:27:00.436
Say you're going to get your nails

00:27:00.436 --> 00:27:00.777
done.

00:27:01.192 --> 00:27:07.282
I think the rule of thumb in general is 10 to 20%, depending upon how satisfied you are with the service.

00:27:07.702 --> 00:27:11.613
These tips are a way to show appreciation for their time and skill.

00:27:11.903 --> 00:27:15.133
And if you really want to come back to them, it's also so they remember you.

00:27:15.133 --> 00:27:15.932
Let's be real.

00:27:15.932 --> 00:27:17.823
And you can get back in with that person.

00:27:17.923 --> 00:27:20.603
It's really up to you how you want to do it.

00:27:20.613 --> 00:27:24.893
If you always want to go to the same nail person and you want her to know you, that's a way to do it.

00:27:25.522 --> 00:27:28.593
Randy, should I tip on takeout or delivery orders?

00:27:29.039 --> 00:27:33.150
It's recognized as something, that is the norm.

00:27:33.393 --> 00:27:40.222
If the effort is provided because of the convenience, I always feel like you're paying for the convenience of the service.

00:27:40.309 --> 00:27:43.180
And so around 10 to 15 percent is common.

00:27:43.180 --> 00:27:50.856
I feel like though, if like you said, it's like snowing outside or it's raining or there's a storm, or they've gotten it to you maybe quicker than expected.

00:27:51.027 --> 00:27:51.896
You can always.

00:27:52.086 --> 00:27:56.186
Pay if you choose to, if you want to go above and beyond that.

00:27:56.757 --> 00:28:02.267
Now, how do you navigate situations where there's a service charge already included?

00:28:02.480 --> 00:28:09.762
Sometimes I've been not told that it was included and given it to me, and they've also given me a thing to tip on top of it.

00:28:09.883 --> 00:28:17.654
I did that too! Yeah, and if I hadn't of read my receipt and just normally signed, I would have seen that I was, giving a

00:28:17.654 --> 00:28:18.605
crazy tip.

00:28:18.724 --> 00:28:20.444
It was that French restaurant we go to, isn't it?

00:28:20.855 --> 00:28:21.944
Because that's what got me.

00:28:21.944 --> 00:28:25.555
I realized after a glass of wine that I think I tipped that dude a hundred dollars.

00:28:25.555 --> 00:28:27.414
And I was like, well, okay, cool.

00:28:27.595 --> 00:28:28.224
Too late.

00:28:28.525 --> 00:28:34.625
But yeah, when there's a service charge added, Additional tipping is optional, Usually the charge is a minimum.

00:28:34.644 --> 00:28:39.484
If you have a big party, they'll add that in if it's 18 or 20%, depending upon the party size.

00:28:39.825 --> 00:28:41.984
This charge often goes to the service team.

00:28:42.255 --> 00:28:46.964
You might choose to tip extra for the service provider or the cook.

00:28:47.015 --> 00:28:49.464
We've tipped for the sushi set.

00:28:49.474 --> 00:28:50.255
I can't say that.

00:28:50.265 --> 00:28:50.525
Sushi's

00:28:50.525 --> 00:28:50.944
chef.

00:28:51.035 --> 00:28:51.894
You can't say it either.

00:28:52.654 --> 00:28:53.125
Not today.

00:28:53.295 --> 00:28:56.615
Well, and that's another thing you were saying the service team, like it goes to the server team.

00:28:56.865 --> 00:28:57.924
Some places.

00:28:58.355 --> 00:29:03.825
Everybody gets a portion of the tip from the dishwasher, the sweeper, the cook.

00:29:03.845 --> 00:29:05.085
It's going into a pot.

00:29:05.095 --> 00:29:07.605
Some places, it only goes to the server.

00:29:07.654 --> 00:29:12.214
If you want to ask, how is my tip given, you have a right to ask.

00:29:12.375 --> 00:29:13.125
To ask that.

00:29:13.134 --> 00:29:16.384
You have a right to communicate and to be educated about this.

00:29:16.414 --> 00:29:18.255
If it is stressful and overwhelming.

00:29:18.265 --> 00:29:23.634
Yeah, some people the waitresses or the waitress, wait, waiter, God, I think I can't talk today.

00:29:24.005 --> 00:29:31.731
The waiter or waitress, they take the tip and then they pay what they want to their bus person And so it depends on what they want and you don't know.

00:29:31.731 --> 00:29:32.172
And their

00:29:32.172 --> 00:29:32.912
relationship.

00:29:32.912 --> 00:29:35.342
Let's talk about, we just talked about workplace bullying.

00:29:35.342 --> 00:29:36.761
That could be, something too.

00:29:36.771 --> 00:29:37.041
What if.

00:29:37.172 --> 00:29:38.071
They don't want to share.

00:29:38.311 --> 00:29:40.632
So you are allowed to ask how it's divided up.

00:29:40.662 --> 00:29:43.031
You are allowed to say, that is not what I wanted to pay.

00:29:43.071 --> 00:29:44.402
I'd like to pay this instead.

00:29:44.642 --> 00:29:47.701
This is your money and you can do what you want.

00:29:48.102 --> 00:29:52.491
So Randy what about tipping at coffee or counter service?

00:29:52.912 --> 00:29:54.731
nothing is an obligation.

00:29:55.162 --> 00:29:57.541
There's no law that you have to tip.

00:29:57.817 --> 00:30:00.897
But it's always a kind gesture.

00:30:00.897 --> 00:30:00.948
Okay.

00:30:01.278 --> 00:30:05.498
To acknowledge the server that has helped you if they have helped you.

00:30:05.761 --> 00:30:09.362
this is hard because I always feel like something small can be meaningful.

00:30:09.362 --> 00:30:22.557
And like you said, in that one situation, that server was crying, because it was like so much, sometimes I feel like if you don't overtip, it can be seen negatively by, the person like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe they didn't give me enough.

00:30:22.744 --> 00:30:24.184
Sometimes that can be frustrating.

00:30:24.704 --> 00:30:25.295
Well, it is.

00:30:25.315 --> 00:30:27.065
And is it appreciated or is it not?

00:30:27.075 --> 00:30:27.835
Should I give nothing?

00:30:27.835 --> 00:30:28.615
Should I give something?

00:30:28.625 --> 00:30:28.954
Should I,

00:30:29.244 --> 00:30:31.934
Well, and I was telling Randy the story earlier about.

00:30:32.234 --> 00:30:41.934
When we first moved to this state, it was our very first night here, everything was shut down and we were coming in from an 11 hour drive with Everything in boxes.

00:30:42.184 --> 00:30:43.775
Yeah, every No, we didn't even have boxes.

00:30:43.805 --> 00:30:46.035
Our stuff didn't even show up for five days.

00:30:46.654 --> 00:30:52.625
I had two folding chairs and that was our furniture for a week, So I had ordered pizza on the way.

00:30:52.835 --> 00:30:54.555
And I said, okay, we'll be here.

00:30:54.555 --> 00:30:56.134
Well, we hit traffic and we were late.

00:30:56.154 --> 00:30:58.644
And the guy called me and said, Hey, I'm here.

00:30:58.855 --> 00:30:59.444
Are you here?

00:30:59.444 --> 00:31:00.285
It's an empty house.

00:31:00.285 --> 00:31:01.855
I was like yeah, we'll be there in 15 minutes.

00:31:01.865 --> 00:31:02.265
It's okay.

00:31:02.265 --> 00:31:04.505
If you just want to leave it I'll draw, just it's okay.

00:31:04.825 --> 00:31:05.984
And he was like no, I'll wait.

00:31:06.315 --> 00:31:08.884
And so I was appreciative.

00:31:08.894 --> 00:31:13.778
The hot mess of all of us got out in the car with the dogs, everything, We show up, we get our pizza.

00:31:14.292 --> 00:31:25.467
And he was telling, our oldest, the story about good customer service and our oldest goes I think you're talking about my family and I guess he uses this story all the time because he waited.

00:31:25.747 --> 00:31:31.876
I always go back to that company, he has been my delivery driver for pizza and whatever else for the last four years.

00:31:31.892 --> 00:31:32.432
Yeah.

00:31:32.582 --> 00:31:36.872
And so he was talking about when you do the extra service, people will make the extra for you.

00:31:36.872 --> 00:31:37.672
And I guess I did.

00:31:37.672 --> 00:31:40.122
I probably threw 20 bucks down or something that so thank you.

00:31:40.531 --> 00:31:41.862
But he didn't have to do that.

00:31:41.981 --> 00:31:47.061
And so he went out of his way and I always, I think I always tip him well cause he's always, he always gets my stuff right.

00:31:47.092 --> 00:31:47.541
Yeah.

00:31:47.612 --> 00:31:48.362
And but that's the

00:31:48.362 --> 00:32:07.019
thing, he's gone above and beyond those things, and so you feel like you want to tip, because you want to have him be there again, and you want him to show up, and you want him, to get your delivery right, so it's like You are rewarding that behavior, which I feel like where the origin comes from but we've lost that

00:32:07.380 --> 00:32:09.529
rewarding the behavior Yeah along

00:32:09.539 --> 00:32:20.829
the way that this it was this generous spirit, you know that they showed you and you showed back it's gotten lost in translation I just think it was funny though that was the story and he's

00:32:20.829 --> 00:32:21.470
like He heard it.

00:32:21.470 --> 00:32:22.849
You're talking about my parents.

00:32:22.869 --> 00:32:23.130
Yeah.

00:32:23.130 --> 00:32:24.099
That's our family.

00:32:24.279 --> 00:32:24.710
That's my mom.

00:32:25.359 --> 00:32:26.680
And he was like, no.

00:32:26.740 --> 00:32:28.029
He's you're famous there, Jess.

00:32:28.059 --> 00:32:28.460
I was like okay.

00:32:29.089 --> 00:32:29.359
All right.

00:32:29.380 --> 00:32:30.549
Randy, let's wrap this up.

00:32:30.623 --> 00:32:33.593
What if I can't afford to tip generously?

00:32:33.823 --> 00:32:34.387
Don't stress about it.

00:32:34.387 --> 00:32:34.952
Don't stress about it.

00:32:35.146 --> 00:32:36.027
That was so easy.

00:32:36.227 --> 00:32:37.037
That was so easy.

00:32:37.047 --> 00:32:37.656
Oh my gosh.

00:32:37.916 --> 00:32:40.257
Randy just, we're just going to remember her words all the time.

00:32:40.436 --> 00:32:41.277
Don't stress about it.

00:32:41.307 --> 00:32:42.297
Just hear me in your

00:32:42.297 --> 00:32:42.646
head.

00:32:42.646 --> 00:32:44.047
Don't stress about it.

00:32:44.047 --> 00:32:44.747
All right.

00:32:44.747 --> 00:32:54.186
Well, today I hope you guys have really learned a little bit or thought about your tipping practices or feel validated about your tipping practices.

00:32:54.517 --> 00:33:05.247
Tipping, it can be so stressful and by setting these boundaries and educating yourself and figuring out what you want to do, you're going to take off the pressure and make mindful choices.

00:33:05.660 --> 00:33:12.500
We hope this episode helped you feel more confident about when and where to tip or at least vent about how you feel either way.

00:33:12.500 --> 00:33:16.730
If you're a super generous tipper or super stingy, you're fine either way.

00:33:16.759 --> 00:33:17.559
Exactly.

00:33:18.029 --> 00:33:23.569
If you found this episode useful, be sure to subscribe, share it with friends, leave us a review.

00:33:23.569 --> 00:33:29.490
And Until next time, remember that tipping should be a reflection of your choice, not a burden.

00:33:29.750 --> 00:33:36.730
Take care of your mental health and your wallet and don't let society's expectations weigh you down.

00:33:36.740 --> 00:33:37.140
Yeah.

00:33:37.150 --> 00:33:38.519
Stop comparing yourself guys.

00:33:38.519 --> 00:33:39.480
Just do what you want.

00:33:40.039 --> 00:33:40.440
All right.

00:33:40.690 --> 00:33:41.069
Bye.